Reactions of a human being to exams: not a study | Teen Ink

Reactions of a human being to exams: not a study

November 18, 2009
By toxic.monkey SILVER, Tashkent, Other
toxic.monkey SILVER, Tashkent, Other
6 articles 0 photos 210 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Homo homini lupus"


Yes, this is not a study, but this is a very generalized view of how people react to these stressful things called exams. There are a few different types of people which will be discussed below. Again, I repeat: you will get no hypothesis, no proof, no background information, no relation to any other subject, and no citation. So teachers, please keep away if you feel that this paper must contain such useless details. Without further ado, the categories of people and their reactions!

The Perfectionist
As soon as your class gets the exams schedule, the perfectionist will go and make a complicated-looking table with their study hours minute by minute, with all the topics that you covered in class, and furthermore, they will follow that schedule! They will take all of the covered material, all books, all papers, all notes home and read the whole lot. These abnormalities of nature will make notes on the material that they read and answer questions at the end of each section of their textbooks. They will spend every free minute reading their notes and books and notes on notes. They will go to every single teacher and ask them to explain a certain chapter, even if they understand it, and will ask for a sample test or problems to solve so they can have a “better idea of what to await in the exam”. They will read their notes again on the morning of the exam. During the exam they always have an extra set of calculator batteries. Or two. Or three. They tend to forget that their friends exist for the time during the exams, although they are perfectly normal people during the normal school times.
Diagnosis: Obsessive compulsion of reading notes and textbooks, re-reading notes and textbooks, and other forms of studying.

The Freak-outer
When they hear of exams, the freak-outer will start reacting violently to all mentions of exams and studying. In other words, they start freaking out. They freak out before any test, but since exams are about a million times more important than regular tests, the freak-outer will freak out about a million times more. Their method of freaking out is to scream of fright for about five minutes, then talk nonsense on the top of their voice for another ten minutes, after which they grab their books and try to read them all at once, asking at least three people for help when they don’t understand something. This will repeat any time when the freak-outer is free of lessons, and during lessons they will listen to the teachers tell them how important the exams are and how they can study more efficiently, which by the way isn’t helpful or soothing for the freak-outer. After the exam, they will go around and ask everyone in sight about the questions that they think they got wrong, even if the person didn’t take the exam. In the end, due to the never-ending irony of life, they will have one of the highest results in the whole class, along with the perfectionist. Actually, the perfectionist is a calmer and more efficient version of the freak-outer. See, both oddities together!
Diagnosis: fear of failing and/or taking exams.

“Nothing is happening”
They aren’t stupid, they just don’t care enough to be bothered to study. Their logic is that if they didn’t learn it during the semester, they won’t remember it during the exam. These people hear of the exams, shrug, and say “At least we get half a day off.” When they get home, they might open their notes and skim them once, then turn on the computer and surf the net or visit Facebook, or watch a DVD. Then they send the message which says “i’m bored” to their friends. On the day of the exam they will calmly watch the freak-outer run around hysterically, take the exam unhurriedly, and after the exam they say, “God, I’m going to be so bored at home!” This type of reaction is normal in people who aren’t pressured at home to have the best grades in the class and that a grade means nothing when it comes to evaluating how much they have learnt, or they have been pressured a lot but gave up on coming to their parents’ standards because these are impossible to reach. These people don’t like to discuss the exam after they take it, and they are totally casual when discussion does turn to exams. They have no problem going out during exams, because what’s all that free time there for then? Basically, this is the exact opposite of the freak-outer.
Diagnosis: disregard of the importance of exams, and/or laziness.

Captain “Oops!”
The people with this reaction are simply disorganized and seem to have a talent in losing things. In fact, they are so disorganized that they forget that the exams are coming up, until the schedules are handed out, of course. When they hear that the exams are coming up, there’s a little red light which can only mean one thing: disorganization alert. Usually their spontaneity and inability to hold a pen without losing it doesn’t bother them, but now it’s their worst enemy! So they start to use planners to mark their exam dates, study times and subjects, homework times, and even slots for free time! Genius, no? Um…no. They would be geniuses if they hadn’t forgotten that they are busy every Thursday after school, and from 11 to 3 o’clock on Saturdays, and that there’s an event they want to attend next Friday, et cetera. Thus, they end up very confused and as usual, feeling that they’ve forgotten something. On the exam day, they will attempt to read their notes in the morning, but will be unsuccessful as they had forgotten them. Or lost them. Or got the wrong notes. Or came a little late and weren’t able to do as they planned. After the exam, they will walk around for a while, think about life, forget what they were thinking about and continue on with their day as if nothing has happened- because the exam has slipped out of their mind! And so they will walk the Earth, unknowing that they have just written an exam, until they discover a funny-looking notebook in their bag and realize that they need to study for another exam tomorrow.
Diagnosis: Instability of character and indecisiveness of who they should be- a perfectionist, a freak-outer, or “nothing is happening”.

The Normal Human Being
The normal human being is someone who is able to balance their schoolwork, social life, and activities out of school, yadda yadda yadda. It’s useless to describe the normal human being, except the fact that they are normal in all ways. They don’t obsess over anything, that they are able to study enough and that they have enough fun during exams. They have everything in exact and healthy portions, and they use their time well. Not like any other reaction, and absolutely the favorite of the teachers- no student complaining of anything, getting enough sleep, and getting good grades- lovely!
Diagnosis: Dull and boring! Boring and dull! Get a life and start being interesting now!

Have a nice non-exams time, and remember: they will always return!


The author's comments:
Humorous and completely made up. Hopefully it makes you laugh and not sigh at the complete stupidity of it all:) Written for my school paper, The Spark. May be found on the school website- www.tashschool.org

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This article has 1 comment.


on Jul. 27 2013 at 10:40 am
BurrThistle GOLD, Jaipur, Other
10 articles 0 photos 161 comments

Favorite Quote:
Write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect

Oh man, so true! this made me laugh. i think i am in the category of The Perfectionsit. I never thought that people would look at me like that. :D