An Open Letter to My Could Have Been

September 10, 2017
By maniboglyka BRONZE, Cabatuan, Other
maniboglyka BRONZE, Cabatuan, Other
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

I have been going back and forth to every single detail of our relationship for the past weeks. I have been tracking it from our biggest fights to our narrowest arguments and yes, it has been a month since you left yet I still can’t find which part we went wrong.

 

I must say I was at my strongest when I let my guard down for you but little did I know that I would lose this battle for you. Was it something I said that night? Which part did I go wrong?

 

My friends kept telling me it was not me but you. You had issues you never told me and they said that was unfair. Somehow I find myself not blaming you, instead I blame myself for not seeing you through. I have always been obsessed with the fact that I can fix you just like what I did with my friends. Maybe all of us is a little bit like that right?

Raising the white flag was not easy. With the fact that you surrendered a long time ago, I’m still in denial that you are just doing this out of life’s context but no, this time it’s really over. It just bothers me that whenever I ask you if there is something wrong, you keep on telling me that there’s none and I believed you. What hurts the most is that you don’t see me anymore as someone who can help you get through this.

 

Were you just pretending all this time? I do not know anymore. I am so full of questions yet all out of answers at the same time.

We were at our strongest when we took the risk, you were willing until you realized you are not. I must say that I am at my weakest point at the moment.

I cannot remember how many times I asked you to reconsider our relationship but I guess this time I’ve had enough. I have learned that I have always loved you with all that I can that I have totally forgotten how to love myself too. I love you too much that it hurts, that I can’t see my self-worth. 

We leaped through valleys of sun shines and sunsets. I made unimaginable poems and music because of you but it’s until now that I realized that you sucked the life out of me and now I am left with nothing, and that is where I went wrong. I have to stop writing for you.

I can never “unlove” you. Maybe we will cross roads someday because I was so sure you were the one.  Until then, I think now it’s my turn to love my self.



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This article has 4 comments.


Fizzler said...
on Feb. 5 at 1:56 pm
Fizzler, Greenwood, Arkansas
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This is so realistic. I feel like every girl felt where you were coming from in one way or another. That was beautifully written. There were a couple of grammar mistakes that I would go back and change. I loved the way you took the background knowledge and subtly put it in the story instead of bombarding us with it all at once.

on Jan. 17 at 4:00 pm
everynameistaken456, La Ronge, Saskatchewan
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dang yoo

on Oct. 19 2018 at 1:32 pm
m0relia227 BRONZE, Inglewood, California
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
- Martin Luther King Jr

Yessssssss queen, honestly I went through somewhat the same thing and in a way I'm glad that I'm not alone in this situation.

Starshines1 said...
on Sep. 6 2018 at 11:09 am
Starshines1, Norfolk, Virginia
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
That was beautiful , I had the same situation and I truly feel every word you said. Life is full of disasters, but we must take our time and love ourselves, some people don't want to share there problems not even with closest people to them. But that's life full of disapointment but also what you make it. stay strong.


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