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Lately,I've been thinking.
I lay here in my bed,today fading away,to add to the countless ones that have conformed into the rut I call my teenage life.
Trust is something I seem to be lacking.
The incompulsive lies I try to bitter away from.
The friends I can't seem to keep honest.
The way life is when you're young,and how awful it is to endure.
The only thought keeping me going,'It could be worse.'
The only reason for my smile,no matter how faint it appears,my best friend.
The reason I do as I do,because I strive on my individuality.
But it's getting more frustrating to do so,everything eventually dive-bombs into a mainstream fad.
Why bother trying?
When I was a tad younger,I fixated myself on blending into the background of life.
Of middle school.
Of the gossip,the needless drama that seems impossible to avoid.
Somehow,I normally end up right in the middle of the things I attempt so full heartedly to deprive myself of.
Why do I bother?
The people I work so hard building a relationship with,always end up becoming something they swore they'd never become.
They steal,they theive..
They hurt,they lie.
You try your hardest to repair,glue the peices back together,for them to fall apart just once more.
I give them years of my life.
I can't fully say this has been several,just two.
One of whom I'm still trying to keep a fixated bond with.
It's just so hard.
Between the family quarrels,the school work I constantly leave un-finished for reasons relatig to my mental health..
the fights,the hopelessness of everything I fight so hard to find a reason to fight for.
I hate it with everything in me.
I can't scope out stability in this massive quarentine of a small town.
Is the world like this?
Is life like this?
Or is it just this highschool,located in this small town that I hope fades away to ashes in the on-coming years?
I frantically search for my answers.
I frantically search for a reason well enough to hold on.
I frantically search for a soul to match mine,dreams big enough to compare to mine,
a person..actually worth the effort I strain so hard to give..