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Holding Hands With A Girl
I have a friend. And, my friend is gay. When I first found out, I was disgusted, horrified, enraged and just plain old upset. She was my best friend and I was hers. It had been this way for years. And suddenly, she had a girlfriend, was getting abuse from our classmates, and, the people we had known for most of our lives had turned against her.
Her ‘coming out’ was a gradual thing. I had heard the rumours for months before and had just waved them away. People I didn’t know were coming up to me and asking was my friend a ‘rug-muncher’. At the time, I could tell everybody, honestly, that she wasn’t. But I didn’t know truth. I didn’t realise that my friend didn’t trust me enough to confide in me about her relationship and her attraction to girls.
One day, while surfing around Facebook, I saw that some girl had her status as being in love with my best friend. It was a big shock to say the least. I immediately wrote the girl a message asking what was wrong with her. Was she trying to totally humiliate my friend. She said she was tired of their relationship being ‘in the dark’. I felt that the only thing ‘in the dark’ was me.
Before my best friend came out as a lesbian, I have to say, I didn’t actually have a problem with homosexuality.
I still don’t actually have a problem with it.
But, what I want to say is that people can’t judge.
You cannot say whether you are for or against unless you are in a personal situation that includes you or someone around you being gay.
I ignored my friend for a while after it emerged she was a lesbian. But, that was wrong. I missed her so much. My opinion, I think, was tainted by the fact she didn’t tell me personally. That was why I ignored her. But other people interpreted it as me being anti-gay. I was not. I had tried to say that though, but I wasn’t heard. Suddenly, our school was divided. And, my friend, I am ashamed to say, was alone. In my defence, I only let this happen for less than a week, but I can never fully understand why I let it go on for so long. I confronted my friend. And we had words. But, we did make up. And we are still best friends.
After making up, I couldn’t do the usual things with her. I couldn’t hold her hand or give her hugs, or kisses on the cheek or forehead, without getting accused of being a lesbian. I wasn’t even one, but I felt the hurt. I was bullied. Girls I had never even spoke to turned against me too. It affected my then relationship immensely.
My friend and I talked about it a lot. It was awkward. Imagine the one person you could always turn to, the one you had no secrets from, your one stable relationship. Imagine having to talk about this extremely controversial subject with them, and in your case, it actually affects them.
As I said we talked about it a lot. But, a lot of people say it’s a choice. My friend says she didn’t wake up one morning and want to be gay. She didn't want the bullying or the abuse. She just wanted to be normal. She wanted to be straight. She told me she first started noticing her attraction to girls when we were in primary school. Whereas I had a crush on Busted and Brad Pitt, she told me that she had fancied the famous girls.
Now, that was unbelievably awkward.
So as I have said, it is not a choice for my friend. She hasn’t changed as a person. I still love her to bits. And, to be honest, we're closer than ever. So please, all I ask is save your criticism and cruel judgement for when the government makes a mess of things or you get an F or some disgusting excuse for a human being has took another's life. Because, we still have to live together in this world, whether we're straight or gay, black or white, male or female. So in simple words, I'm asking all the haters to grow up.
Please, please don’t judge. Just imagine your best friend coming out. Don’t say you would automatically stick by them, because its extremely doubtful that that would be the case for everyone.