The Two Party Problem

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There is something wrong with our government’s way of doing things. You have no doubt heard about it. In fact I would wager you have at least once heard the issue described to you at length while trapped in a political discussion with that one relative. You know the one, not the uncle who constantly wears camouflage clothing or the cousin who has an organic cotton sweater for her Prius, but the one who loudly and ardently disassociates himself from anything relating to the American government. The one who has the most to say during any political discussion despite his refusal to waste his time voting, the one who brags incessantly about being an independent, you know the type. The problem I speak of is that no one works together. Republicans refuse to work with Democrats and Democrats refuse to deal with Republicans.
Your disenchanted relative has a point in that regard. One of the chief reasons people don’t trust their representatives anymore is that they seem to care more about beating the other party than affecting change. It can feel like both parties, and their supporters, would much rather that the other party cease to exist than learn to cooperate and coexist with them. It is from this thought that an elegant solution to the problem comes to light.
I propose that we split the country in two. It would still be the United States of course, just the Divided United States. Every person, upon their 18th birthday, would be taken to register to vote. After choosing their party, each person would be assigned a new home among like-minded individuals. Cities and states would be divided up into districts for Republicans and Democrats with guards patrolling the borders between them (creating millions of new jobs for hard-working Americans), to ensure no one mistakenly stumbles into the wrong neighborhood. But this is only phase one. Politicians of differing political ideologies would still have to deal with each other, and we most certainly can’t have that. For this reason, we would create two governments as well. Republican sectors would be governed by a purely Republican House, Senate, and President. Democratic sectors would be governed in the same manner, but by Democrats. This would also extend to the international level of course. Each federal government would be able to treat with foreign powers separately but also with the Divided United States of America. With complete sovereignty both Democrats and Republicans would be free to build the country that they dream of without the interference of those pesky dissenting voices.
The benefits inherent in this plan are astronomical. At the moment, whenever things are going poorly, it is easy to point fingers and blame the other party. After this plan is implemented however, everyone would be solely responsible for their own mistakes. There would be no chance for them to say, “Don’t blame me; I didn’t vote for him.” Even more than this though, parents would not have to worry about their children being exposed to different ideas. All the little Democrat children would grow up in little Democrat neighborhoods, playing only with other Democrats. After a few generations they might even forget that the other party exists! What joy that would be! It would almost be as though there were only one United States of America, and everyone wanted the best for it. The Founding Fathers would be so proud to see what we had accomplished.
And to think, it would not even be very difficult to put into action! The groups already tend to congregate. Entire states would be able to escape any major re-structuring. The borders could be kept the same and dissenting party members could simply be relocated to a place more suited to their political leanings. Granted no state is entirely uniform in party allegiance, but many seem to be working on it. Even this could be a benefit in the new system. Small areas of dissenting political leanings could be set up as tourist locations. It would be like visiting Old West ghost town. Honest, respectable Texans could be driven to shock at the horrors of the typical liberal lifestyle when they visited Little Cali, just a 15 minute drive from Dallas. Or Imagine driving down the highway in California and seeing a billboard reading, “Texastown next exit/ Come see the ‘family values’ conservatives in their natural habitat.” This would even help stimulate the economy, a win-win situation. We might even be able to keep the same buildings for government, which would save a lot of money. Instead of new buildings, all we would really need to do is build a wall down the middle of the buildings. After all, our politicians know to which side they belong.
No state is perfect though. This plan requires decisive action and some states can’t seem to manage that. Sure it would be easy to get all 57 residents of Montana on the same page, but not all states would be so simple. Take Florida, for example, where votes are still being counted in the infamous 1864 Lincoln/McClellan election. States like Florida and Ohio can’t seem to make choices that last any longer than a single election. This is because the people within those states are inherently noncommittal on political issues. In a system that requires ideological loyalty, such people cannot be allowed to exist. The simplest solution, and one that should not be overlooked, would be internment and re-education, but within that idea are several issues. Primarily, which United States gets to oversee the operation? This could create so much tension between the two United States that things get out of hand. The battle for Ohio would be little more than a proxy war in a Cold Civil War between the world’s only superpower and itself. There would be no danger of real armed conflict though. Just an endless stalemate between Republican states and Democratic states, ornamented with the occasional skirmish, with any victory being almost immediately rendered meaningless by resistance from the other party within occupied territory, like trying to carry off a desert with a sieve. It might be a risk, but we certainly can’t let things continue the way that they are.

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