Understanding....Why? | Teen Ink


April 10, 2013
By Creative-Pammy15, Bronx,NY, New York
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Creative-Pammy15, Bronx,NY, New York
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Favorite Quote:
" Pain now, Pride later"

Author's note: When watching the news, you hear about dead, pain and war and you ask yourself why is this happening.

In a dark shattered cave, as I would sarcastically describe my room, staring at the reporters face as he showed no emotion to the death of a family. How could he not break down in tears? why is he just standing there? What is....
Lucy why are you starting again, turn it off.
Mom I'm just watching the news for the weather today, that's all. I didn't have to lie to my mother, but I did anyway. She already knew my depression started again, and I didn't have to tell her. My face said it all.
Turn it off Lucy. Have you taken your medicine yet?
Mom do you think that family was killed on purpose?
do not start, you just recovered from depression....
Did they know too much?
Lucy, stop it, have you taken your medicine?
Is the government apart of this? why did they have to die?
That's it, we're going to Doctor Liz, get dressed?
Mom I'm not going back there, she makes me feel like I'm mental. At that moment I knew my mother's response. The whole world thought I was mental, even my own mother.
Get up and get dressed, also to answer your question, maybe they did know too much...sometimes it's good to be quiet.

Lake Town is not the freedom the U.S promised. When my family moved here from Brazil , every one was so excited for this new life awaiting them. I was about 3 years old, when my mother decided to take her children away from her abusive husband. Over all the places in the United States we ended up here: a scary, gray, small town. Every body in this town is weird and gray. No one has emotions, no one cares, and everything is religious. The anthem of the Town is : Question are to be left unasked, Answers are to be left unsaid, war and death, with no pride, Knowledge kept as masks ,against the will of the morning sky. I am home schooled; the school I use to go to kicked me out. Student stared at me all day, with nothing in their eyes. Their eyes spoke of them not their mouths. Every body was scared of something. But of what?. I rose my hand to ask one question : What's the purpose of the government killings? and just like that I was kicked out. Before I left the teacher said something I should be scared of , but what was she talking about?.
Young lady you are to be lucky you're not dead.

My mother was a very strong and sneaky person. For so many years she took in the pain of being beat up, cursed at, and embarrassed by one man. I was forced to see my mother's tears and pain everyday. I loved it in Brazil. I knew everybody and every body knew me. I felt special and happy when I was out of that house. In Brazil I saw no mistakes, expect the big mistake my mother made by marrying that beast, she calls a man. I had to take care of myself, at times even comfort my mother. at the age of 2, it felt like I knew everything. But yet all I ever knew was pain, and that was good enough for me. My mother was known as the most beautiful woman in the little village. They considered her lucky to have my father as a husband because he was rich. My mother however did know how to hide the pain from every body else. There was one thing she always used: me, I was that one excuse.
oh Lucy kept me up all night, that baby cries all night, non-stop.
Ever since then it felt like I lost respect for my mother, I saw her as a coward. But she was strong, she fought back and never gave up after each slap that beast gave her every night. That night she picked me up and packed small amounts of clothes , took money from the can and rushed me out the door.
Then, I knew she wasn't a coward.
She was a mother.

Entering that mental hospital always gave you that sickening feeling, like your soul is about to be taken away. There was always people on the floor fighting with the staff, people staring at their selves in the mirror, and me, the only normal person there. There is a lady there, Ms.Lily, who's like my only friend. Our friendship started when she try to bring my mother back to her senses.
Your daughter isn't crazy, I'm crazy, look at me and look at her. See the difference.
What, no, I know Lucy is not crazy, but she is not stable. I hate seeing my daughter suffer and not fit in society.
Ms.Diaz the society is messed up not your daughter.
Thank you, I said out of relieve.
Well I'm her mother and I know what's best for her.
At times like this I could't believe my mother. She is so blinded by Lake Town, that she thinks I'm crazy.
I was no difference for my mother, and I don't think I will ever be.

I know Doctor Liz more than she knows herself. Like every time my mother wastes my time coming here, I'm the doctor, and she's the mental patient.
So have you spoke to your husband? I asked
Lucy we're here for you not me, did you take the prescriptions I sent you?
Doctor Liz I don't need them anymore, I don't feel scared, I don't scream or cry, I don't hurt myself, I don't lock myself in the dark anymore, and I don't have those dreams anymore. I knew I was lying about everything, but it just kept flowing out of my mouth like it was the truth. But in Lake Town , your mouth doesn't talk for you, your face does.
Wow, great, but you still have to take your medication.
Are you and your Husband back together, because it's not fair to your kids if you both get a divorce.
Lucy ,my life is personal, I can not share that with you.
oh, but I have to tell you every detail about my life, my secrets, my pain and every thing.
Lucy I.....
okay fine, I'm sorry, I'll take my meds.
Have you been having dreams of your sister, do you still see her.
Jenna is dead, so no, Doctor Liz , I can't see her. I lied, I still saw Jenna in my dreams, I still lock my self or cut myself when I have another bad dream of her, but I can't tell doctor Liz.
I was Just asking Lucy.
Do you still feel that her dead is your fault. At that time I felt the anxiety coming up, I felt my head spinning, I felt my nose closing up.......And I just had to run.
Lucy were are you going?
I fell, and saw nothing, but darkness every where.

My half sister Jenna was the daughter of my mother's second Husband. I was older than her by 2 years. We were so close, my mother could't tear us apart. She always looked up to me, and it felt so good to be a big sister. We would always put the music so loud just to make our neighbors mad, prank call everybody in town, take long walks in the night across the lake .She thought, I was perfect, that I was this angel. But it was the opposite,.....I got her killed.
It was the first day of march, I remember it like it was a moment ago. I could still feel the windy air, the smell of fresh water, and the feeling of danger that I could't shake off. There were 2 drunk men, and by their suits they worked for the government.
What are you two doing here in the night and all.
Ignore them Jenna, keep walking. I whispered.
Sir, why are you killing innocent people.
Jenna what are you doing. I whispered nearly shouting.
Little girl you better keep on walking.
Sorry, Sir, she's just a stubborn.
No, Lucy like you always say it's not fair, these people don't deserve to die.
Better take your little sister home, said the other man.
No, we know what's you're doing, y'all nothing but killers.
1..2...3...Jenna was gone, dead on the ground.The two men ran like cowards, and the man who shot her dropped the gun in the lake.
There was no air anymore. My tears would't come, my heart ached so much. As I bent down to see Jenna's innocent face. I knew that day was the day I really knew what pain felt like.

I guess my "mental illness" that every one thinks I have started way before Jenna was killed. When we moved to Lake Town, I saw life in a different view. The minute you stepped in the town you felt this chill down your spin. I never felt so scared and depressed like that before. And I guess I used my rebellious and careless act to cover it up. There was not one day I didn't hear about death, pain and war. I wanted to know who died, why they died and how they died. Every day when some one dies, it's becomes another detail I have to connect. At night I felt the pressure on me and the fear taking over my head. Every one saw me as the fearless girl, yet I was more scared in the inside than they ever will. Night time was my enemy, I could't sleep, I just kept thinking and thinking, and asked myself so many questions. My mother will catch me pacing back and forth, and run out in tears, because she knows there nothing she could do to save her daughter. I could't stop asking, I could't stop thinking, I just had to know why, it drove me to the edge, it drove me to my breaking point. But at the end I had to find answers.
I may have a problem, but I'm not ready to admit it.
Not yet.........

Hidden from every one else was a boy named Evan Philips, as depressed as the town was he was different. Sure, his father is the master mind behind all this killings, but he was nothing like him, at all. He loved to walk around the lake, sometimes I would see him throwing rocks into the lake, thinking all the time. But thinking about what- his father. He never walked around town, because he knew how every body was scared of him and his family. One time he caught me by the lake at night, with a daisy in my hand.
He loves me, he loves me not, I kept whispering while picking petals off the flower.
who's the special guy.
Evan, what are you doing here, I asked almost falling down.
It's my spot, I always come here.
Well, I'll leave you to it then.
No, wait stay, I want you to accompany me.
No I think I should go.
come on, please.
Fine, I said, not knowing what I'm getting myself into,talking to the enemy.
I love coming here at night, your name is Lucy right, I see you here all the time. I could't stop but stare into his eyes. I saw innocence, I saw some one trying to escape, I saw pain.
yeah, I love coming here too.
why aren't you scared of me, you're the only person, who hasn't have one fear of me in their eyes.
You're different...I began to say
I'm not my father, I never will be.
I don't think you are.
Every body in town see his reflection in me, and I hate it. I was trying to hard to find something to say next after he's done talking.
I don't see nothing of him in you, at all. At this time I didn't even know what I was saying, he has the blood of a murderer.
Well, I better get going, nice meeting you. I started to rush, because I knew we could't be seen together.
Yeah, hope to see you again, he said. Till next time.

Now I'm in deep danger- I'm in love with the enemies son.

He finds himself cursed to be placed in a family of murders. He swifts out of his father's big mansion in the middle of no where. As a child he looked up to his father, wanted to be like his father. He loved the suits, the business case, and the cleaned office. He believed his father is the hero, he believed his father saved people, but that faith ended when he saw his mother's blood on his father's hands. James Philips-his father, was the head government of the town. Lake Town had no leader, that was bond many years ago. He had every body's control, he knew every body's name. He knew everything, including how to end them, with a single push of a button. Evan's eyes became clearer ever since his mother's death. He knew the evil person his father had became. He was stuck in the dimension of horror and pain. But one day he found his great escape,The Valley Lake. Where he didn't have fear in his eyes anymore, were he could go and pretend everything is okay. The man he called his father was the man he feared the most.

The author's comments:
Story to be continued........

I see something, a light.
Where am I, I asked struggling through my tied arms . Mom, what's going on.
oh you're awake.
What happened.
You collapsed in the Mental Hospital.
How long have I been here, I asked.
you've been here for 2 days, you've shifted in and out of sleep, I'm so happy you're okay. How can I sleep for 2 days, I almost never sleep. I could bet my mother was thinking that it's the best thing that has ever happened to me.
They will discharge you tommorow. Right when my mother said that, the fear started building up, I began to panic. I have missed two days of not knowing the outside world and what's going on. I wanted to ask my mother if anymore people had died in the past two days. But I don't want to see the face expression she would make if I had asked her.
You will be returning to Doctor Liz next week, she said unsure.
I am never going back, she wants to get in my head, but it will never work , okay mom get over it I am not crazy, I screamed. I felt so good to say my mind to my mother for once.
Lucy I'm doing this for your own good, I hate seeing you cry in pain, and being so obsessed with what's going on in the world. I love you that's why.........
If you loved me , you would't think I'm crazy, I screamed. You would't take me to the mental hospital and make a doctor get in my head.
What you're doing could get you killed Lucy, please let me help you.
Mom, they are killing so many people out there, don't you want to know why. I said. don't you.
No, I don't, we've already lost Jenna and I'm not about to lose you.she screamed in tears. I know you haven't had a easy life, but Lucy you don't have to make it any harder.
Mom I...I began to say.
I have to go back to the house and get your things packed, I'm sending you to live with your Aunt Lisa.
But mom.....I started screaming.
I don't want to hear it, I'll be back.

This was a night mare, yet I'm wide awake.

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