War of Time | Teen Ink

War of Time

April 22, 2011
By BrettJolene, Unda Da Stars, California
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BrettJolene, Unda Da Stars, California
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Favorite Quote:
only enemies speak the truth. friends lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty ---Stephen King

Author's note: My friend inspired me to write this all of them are reprisented in this story

I look out across the sea seeing nothing but black sea water with the salty air blowing in my face. Loving the very short time I have up here before the sun rises, but this is not were my story starts. It starts on a summer vacation and like so many before, I was on a cruise and my dad was the caption. I have 2 sisters and 1 brother, my little sister tiffany (but we call her ticky don’t ask me why) older sister lacey and vary little bro Jake. Oh by the way my dads name is Hank and we all love him vary much,, but my mom died just before Jake learned how to walk .since then I went to a sorta kinda Goth, but I’m not emo that is just to creepy for me.

My name is Eve Smithsion, I am 13 and I practically live on boats. On the 13th day on the ship my life took a turn for the worst. My dad sent me to the VIP section to serve drinks; I walked into the big room filled young pale people no old folk at all. The head waitress gave me an apron and six wine glasses filled with a dark cranberry thick stuff and I hated the smell.

When a cute pale-ish boy walked up to me and said Hi. I looked at him and smiled. Jeez don’t these people ever get any sun. “Hello” I replied “would you like some of this?” he smiled “don’t know what it is?” He asked “nope” I said looking down at the drinks. His smile got bigger and his honey colored eyes were filled with joy, “I’ll tell you what it is” when I didn’t answer he continued “it’s the only thing ill drink besides water” he said. I narrowed my eyes, turned around and walked away.

Sheesh I didn’t know they were rude other wise I would’ve told my father a flat out “NO” but for some reason he left butterfly’s in my stomach. And it felt good and I fell asleep thinking of him.

took the grand stairs at a flat out run hoping not to run over some 4 year old in the process. Its been 3 years since I saw that one boy and a lot has changed like I found out of the existence of vampires and that the banquet I served blood gross. And I also found out that the boy was a born vampire. And that I belong to a secret race called Guard, well its secret to humans,

Why was I running? Well a fight broke out on the vampire deck. And since I was working as a guard on yet another cruse ship I had to rush there along with 4 other vamp guards. When we got there the 4 other guards started making a path for me to get though, why?? Because I’m the best, that’s why.

The two vamps were wrestling on the ground. Ohmigod if they got blood on the pearl flooring my dad is going to kill me. I grabbed the back of the winning vamp’s polo shirt and yanked him off. I then pined him to the ground while, my best friend and partner pined the other one down, she has strawberry blond hair, compared to my dirty dish water blond, and her name Kayla Division( and no she is not a math problem and she’s not so good at it) Division and Smithsion are guard names.

“What the hell do you think your doing” I yelled “hay sorry he started it” he put his hands up in surrender. Shoot this is gunna hurt. He smiled and tossed me off like I was a fricken rag doll. I tucked and rolled got up and started chasing him. We wound around other vampires then I finally tackled him on the lotto deck (closed at night for vampires) this time I made sure he couldn’t even wiggle his toes “you know I could arrest you for running vampire” he smiled a cocky smile “Eve cant we be nice to someone you haven’t seen for a while” ok yeah WHAT………oh crap its him the vampire boy I saw 3 years ago. I pressed a pressure point on the vamp’s jaw only I know about and only vamps have “what is your name vampire?” I said getting pissed “Well Eve,” he is using my name too much for my liking and I’m not thrilled about him knowing my name. “Names are for friends and family. What is a name? A simple…” I rolled my eyes “just tell me your name now vampire, your not biting your way out of this” I laughed internally of my lame pun “my name is Mickel and I bet you I am” With inhuman speed he flipped us over so I was on the bottom and didn’t have time to react, he bit me. I had herd about the bliss vampire bites give. But I am a guard and no way was I dieing right here, this easily. So I screamed I fought off the wonderful bliss and thought about Kayla and Ticky and my little brother living with my uncle, and of lacey married and with two boys and a girl on the way. I screamed and kicked and squirmed my way from his teeth. Then he disappeared and I saw Kayla fighting mickel. “Kayla!!! ‘punch, stomp, Paton‘ ” I said in Guard language she upper punched him stomped on his toe then hit him in the head with her silver Paton, like I told her too, (yes guard has their own language, well I guess it mostly codes) “omg are you ok girl that eeffing vamp bit you” she grabbed a bandage and stuck it to my neck she helped me up and took us to the office of the guard master.

The guard master is in charge of all missions on the cruse. His office is at the end of the longest hall, with a red stripe going down it. We walked into the room; well she was helping me walk. (Oh my god I was so fricken dizzy it wasn’t funny) “Master?” Kayla asked sweetly which is totally not like her.
“Ah yes I herd about the fight. Did Eve get that vampire? I am so proud that she took off chasing him”
“Um yea I got him but apparently his bite is worse then his bark” I said weakly. “But you did confide him to his room right?” we both nodded. Well we called in the others to do that, but if we told him that he would send us to desk duty
“well good then, Eve why don’t you and Kayla get something to eat” he said typing on his computer ”yes sir” we both said, and left the room.

When we finally made it to the cafeteria like no one was in there Kayla dropped me off at the closest table and went to get some food. When she came back she had two treys with two hot dogs two corn dogs and lots of propel.
“Here ya go” I nodded
“god how did he over power you?” she asked. I swallowed “I never ever saw it be for. I was pinning him to the ground then he smiled, the world went all blurry and then he was pinning me down and biting me, it was faster then any vampire I ever saw” “How could a vampire go that fast?” I shrugged “Beats me, but right be for he flipped us he looked at me like he cared about me or something” I said shoving a corn dog in my mouth. Kayla put on her best question mark face. I shrugged “hmm you know that sounds like a special power” she said I laughed “you got to be kidding me you believe in that crap?” she glared at me “they say it could happed its just impossible to test because no vamp would let the scientists 40 feet near them with out taking a chunk out of them” she said taking a long swig of her propel.

We heard a chuckle outside the door I got up still a little dizzy, then dragged the guy into the cafeteria by his hair “Mickel what the… how did you get out of your god forsaken room?” I asked “ha you should fire the girls that were out there, they all fell asleep” he gave a cocky grin with teeth and all. I swore under my breath. It sounded like a special power but I rather not think about that. “I’m sorry I just couldn’t bare staying away from your blo….beauty” I herd Kayla snort behind me “nice save vamp” she laughed all of a sudden I felt to weak to stand and collapsed on the ground. Then I went under into a deep sleep.

When I woke up I was in a huge bed in a huge room with a flat screen bolted on the wall. I through off the covers and started running for the door, but I was intercepted by Mickel “LET ME OUTTA HERE….KAYLA!!” she came in and put me in a huge bear hug “wha…what is it Kayla?”

Kayla started crying and I broke the hug “Kayla you need to tell me what is wrong” she sniffled “The vampire council came” Ok then, right, HUH?? “What about the vampire council?” I noticed that Mickel was just sitting in the nearest chair looking bored. “They talked to your father and said you would be….” she started more hysterical crying “What…what is it Kayla what they say to my father??” she sniffled “They said you would be a better guard if you were vamped” I started twitching like water on a hot skillet god damnit (sorry for the language but you would cuss at a time like this if you were me)

“what the hell Mickel!!! What…what I don’t get why they want me to be…” he rolled his eyes “its not that bad… “Oh it’s pretty bad being a bloodsucker!!” I yelled “you have never been human so how would you know what its like!? I want to be human; vampires have no caring gene in their undead bodies!!” I yelled I saw surprise, anger, and compassion flash in his eyes then it was gone. He opened his ruby red lips to comment back, but he couldn’t get anything to say back to me… Good let him think about that for a…..WHAM!
“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” Kayla screamed so load that I thought she was the little girl I saw three years ago, afraid of vampires and blood. Wait, why is she screaming? My head smacked on the redwood flooring. Ow, what is going on I…I’m being crushed by something and what the pain o… on m…my neck?? Oh Mickel is b…biting me?? What the…


“NNOOOO MICKEL GET OFF HER PLEASE!!!” No he is changing her he cant no. No! “MICKEL. OFF. NOW. PPPLLLLEEAAASSEEE.” I said falling to my knees.

My name is Kayla Division and I’m seeing my best friend turning into vampire. My worst nightmare is happening right in front of me and I can’t do s***. The vampires that were watching from the living room came in and started to drag me off, but I struggled and wouldn’t leave my best friend to be changed alone. We promised each other we would stay the same race forever “NOOO ASSHOLES” I slapped a big muscled so hard he stumbled back. “No Erik don’t let her piss you off like this” I turned around and kicked the other guy in the leg witch buckled and he just barley kept himself from falling. “Aw hell, turn this one too”



“What IN GOD’S HOLY NAME was that?” the other girl shrugged

“well then WHY DON’T YOU FIND OUT” she nodded and took off running toward the screams. We traced it all the way into Mickel’s room we broke in and found Kayla and Eve pinned down by vampires and a third vamp coming toward us shoot Eve’s dad is so not going to like this “now, now no need to be mean” one guy said. I took a step forward “my name is Alice and I am the leader of group 3 what group are these girls” I asked even though I already know they were leader and co-leader of group 1. The guy shrugged “I donno all I know is that they’re going to be part of our world.” We herd Eve moan, we all shivered. The vamp let out a toothy chuckle “don’t worry they will still be guard, but they will have this necklace on” All our eyes went to his collar bone, were black metal vamp teeth hung around his throat with a black chain. At the points of the canines were two rubies connected by smaller chains. “Wha…what is your name?” he sighed “ my name is Jethro Dimions”

1 Dimions is a guard name 2 Jethro was the name of the first vampire Guard no one knew he was a vampire he knew the language so they didn’t realize, but then they found him at a blood bank getting blood then he gulped it down. As if we thought of the same thing all of group 3 shivered. “What are you doing to them” Alice forced out a calm voice. “We are changing them” he sighed “do you have permission for this?” Alice asked she knew that if she were the one being changed it would be hell in her life. Jethro produced one sheet of yellow-ish paper. I looked it over it seemed real, but with one problem. “But there are two girls being changed and you have only one permission sheet” he shrugged “We didn’t really expect to turn two guard girls just the one”

Rage flared in Alice, oh no he didn’t “pardon me? But unless you get another permission sheet….” “yes yes I know I’m still a guard if you don’t remember, I know I will go to jail blah, blah, blah” Alice narrowed her eyes “ 4 days” she said snapping her fingers for her group to follow her. “Alice?” said Trisha she really didn’t have any power but she did have courage “yes?” she cleared her throat “do you think you gave him a little to much time with the permission sheet?” she asked, Alice shrugged a no “no it takes two days for them to get permission and two days for it to get here” she nodded “it seems vary scary for Eve and Kayla” Alice nodded “it must be, but none of us ever went though that horror”


No, no, no, NO this isn’t happening Mickel isn’t biting me this is all a dream. No don’t give in to the bliss no I can’t do…I won’t give in not if I’m still kicking I won’t give in. no no no “NNNNOOOO” I screamed
“Do you remember me?”
“ you can take that as a yes you asshat” Mickel looked surprised “ you fought the bliss” I was going to answer but a wave of vertigo hit me when I tried to stand and I fell into Mickel’s arms moaning in pain “Don’t try to stand” I caught my self looking at his neck feeling my throat dry and I didn’t want water, “Oh I see, sorry” Why was he apologizing. He guided us back to the bed laid down and said “Its ok drink”

My mouth opened and I let out a low hiss then I felt the fangs come down slowly. I tried to resist but Mickel shoved my head into his neck when I still didn’t bite he made a little cut with his nail and that’s when I couldn’t take it any more, the smell washed over me and I just clamped down on his neck. The blood just rushed down my throat and after what seemed like a long time, but really it was only a few minutes Mickel pushed me away
“that’s enough for now tiger” I didn’t care what he said I was licking my lips. Mickel smiled leaned forward and kissed me liking up the extra blood as he did. I got up then remembered Kayla
“were?” “She’s in the living room. Apparently she always awakes before you do no matter what, but I wouldn’t go in there.” I glared at him “and why not?” I folded my arms “she is feeding ,your hunger took control a lot faster then hers did maybe because you were asleep longer?” I walked in any way, she was biting a vampire about Mickel’s age, and if your wondering yes vampires can drink from other vampires it kicks the craving but we still need regular human blood. I turned toward Mickel “who is he?” I asked getting mad, Mickel sighed “That is Kayla’s guard and turner his name is Erik” I blinked a few times “Does that mean you’re my guard?” he nodded and lead me back to the room “she’ll come in when she’s ready” I nodded. I felt like a little girl asking a lot of questions. “It’s all right just rest we’ll have to talk to your father tomorrow”
I rolled my eyes “great cant wait…what time is it?”
Mickel checked his watch “two thirty” I shrugged “I’m not tired” he sighed “you need to sleep” I shook my head “I’m not tired” Mickel stepped forward “you need to sleep” he reached for my face
“No way don’t think you can compel me to sleep I’m not stupid”
he took me into his arms “sleep” he whispered into my ear “no” I said back “shh” I felt my eyes closing “how the..” I started “ shh” my knees wouldn’t hold me and I fell into him and he lifted me up like I was a just a little girl, and carried me to the bed plopped me down and covered me with the plush comforter. Then I fell asleep. Jerk.


Mickel walked in just when Erik was putting Kayla asleep the same way he just did to Eve. When she was asleep both men went outside to talk the problem with Kayla. “we need another permission paper for Kayla” Mickel nodded “I know I’ll talk to my dad tell him the only way she wouldn’t kill one of us was to turn her and now group 3 is hounding us about it.” Both of them nodded “But there is one more problem the parents” Mickel said crossing his arms.
Erik shrugged “why is that a problem?” Mickel punched him in the arm “because Eve’s dad is the captain of the ship and he hates vampires” Erik’s eyes went wide “Because of his wife willingly turn vampire” Erik said “She turned to save Eve. The vampire council told her that they needed another vampire member and the Smithsion family were next on the list.” Mickel looked down at his hands “and when the council told me to change her I asked them why they wanted her changed they told me what I’m telling you now, that her mom isn’t dead and her mom wants her back.” Erik shook his head “And her mom has that kind of power?” Mickel nodded “she is in the council. And she is 4th from head councilmen. So,yes, she has the power to take Eve from her father”

The next morning when Mickel woke up Eve they went to talk to her father. Eve looked terrified, not just scared all the way to terrified. When Mickel asked her what was wrong she didn’t answer. When they got there her father was expecting them. “good morning captain” Mickel said politely the man grunted an answer then turned to his daughter
“Evelyn don’t be rude to your father and the captain of this ship that your on” Eve looked up to her father “good morning father” she spat out the last word Hank ignored it and turned back to Mickel “Mickel do you mind if I talk to my daughter alone.” Hank said. Mickel walked out but he did see Eve screaming with her eyes for him to stay.

Mickel walked out to see Kayla and Erik standing in the waiting room.

Kayla, Erik, Mickel

“YOU LEFT HER IN THERE ALONE ARE YOU CRAZY!!” Kayla jumped to the door, but Erik caught her before she crashed though the door “what’s wrong Kayla why is that bad?” Then they all herd Eve calling for Mickel and a gasp of pain. “BECAUSE HE IS GOING TO KILL HER AND I REALLY MEAN KILL HER” she jumped to the door again Erik said “Kayla is right Hank is beating Eve” Erik has acute sense of hearing it is a special power that vampires get Kayla found she was right when she turned vamp. Mickel ran to the door but it was locked.


“You no good brat I give you a little freedom AND YOU TAKE MORE THEN YOU ARE ALLOWED” Hank slapped me again. After Mickel walked out her dad had tied her to a chair so she couldn’t fight back. She also herd her friend yelling at their Turners that Hank was going to kill her. She knew he was going to kill her she just wish that Mickel could save her. Hank had taken out a wooden stake his favorite way to kill a vamp. “I should have killed you when you were younger you filthy b****!!!” He hit me upside the head with the stake. I heard Mickel screaming at the door. He pushed the chair backwards so my back was to the ground and my feet were in the air. He was standing over me stake raised over his head. I could no longer hear Mickel. I’m going to die. I couldn’t see straight because of the blow to my head and I couldn’t even talk back to him, to go down sarcastically is how I wanted to die but I couldn’t talk. Bummer.

Then all of a sudden the stake in my dad’s hand was plucked from him from a much bigger vamp. And two others were carrying him away. Mickel came in and helped me up and untied me “oh my god Eve are you ok” he asked I couldn’t answer him I was too dizzy. He picked me up and carried me out “we need to get both girls off this boat now” Mickel said to Erik “okay what should I do?”
“Call Alyss tell her to get here fast” he turned toward Kayla witch made me dizzier

“you come with me. You know medical?” she nodded and the started to Mickel’s room
Once they were at Mickel’s room he laid Eve on the bed and turned to Kayla. “What is wrong with her what did he do?” Kayla shrugged “its only a miner concussion she should heal in a few hours since she is now a vampire” Mickel sighed a breath of relief “Alyss will be here shortly to take us away to a safer location you and Eve are in danger here the only safe place for you two is midnight valley” Kayla nodded “that’s what I expected, who is Alyss?” Kayla asked while she was packing her stuff and Eve’s “Eve’s mom” Kayla stopped in her tracks “yes Eve’s mother is not dead, she is 4th from power on the council” Mickel answered before she could ask. Kayla started packing again. One hour later Eve could talk and walk with help, but she had a massive headache. Then 5 minutes later they heard the helicopter on the deck. They waited till they heard a knock on the door, Mickel quickly jumped to get the door and in walked a beautiful women she was wearing a very pretty dark red dress. She had really dark blond hair just like Eve’s and brilliant Blue eyes Like Eve’s. They truly looked like mother and daughter.

Alyss turned to Kayla “Kayla honey I haven’t seen you in forever and you look so grown up maybe it’s the vamp part but you’re so pretty. You‘ve always been a pretty baby” Alyss broke the hug “is Eve all right?” Kayla nodded “that’s good come on we have a long trip ahead of us to midnight valley” Mickel helped Eve to helicopter while Kayla and Alyss walked together. All four of them were in a huge circle of huge vampire bodyguards.


Today was the day the permission sheet was expected to come but since Eve was almost killed by the captain, her own father, she was willing to let two more days for it to come but that is it thought Alice. Then there was a knock on the door “Alice? There is a vamp here that wants to see you” Alice waved at her to bring him in. The vamp came in, he was wearing all black. The guy just looks like a bodyguard, thought Alice. “Miss Alice I have brought the permission paper for Kayla Division’s turning” Alice smiled “ aw yes, hand it over” It was perfect, even signed by the 4th from power vamp “vary good thank you” I waved him out “Miss Alice?” he said. I gave a low hiss.
The vamp shifted his weight, clearly uneasy “Eve and Kayla have demanded to see you at the next vampire council meeting,” Alice nodded and waved him out once again. He left quickly. “VENESSA!!!” Alice yelled really pissed now. Vanessa came running “yes Alice?” Alice took a deep breath “why have I been summoned to the next council meeting?” Vanessa sighed “not just you ma’am the guard commissioner to,” Alice rolled her eyes and waved Venessa out.

They finally got to the landing site for the helicopter, but they still had a over night carriage ride to midnight valley. In the carriage Kayla spoke in a whisper so Eve couldn’t hear. “Alyss? Why did you tell every one in the guard world that you were dead?” Kayla asked. Alyss turned to her and smiled “well I guess I should tell you the real story shouldn’t I?” Kayla nodded “well it all started when I just graduated guard training and I was ready to go out on my first mission. My mission was to get the vampire prince to Midnight valley safely; there were ten others on the mission. One of them was Hank. The prince’s name was Cameron; they say he is the most beautiful prince. He has short wavy dark brown hair; deep, deep brown eyes that made you want to just sink into them. He is quite the ladies man without meaning to. Girls just want to be with him, he laughed and charmed them, but when ever he had some sort of girlfriend he always stayed true. Then he met Daisy she charmed him, and she soon had him eating out of the palm of her hand. All he thought was her, nothing else. Daisy was the duchess of the high north clan; she had deep set eyes wild red hair and way too many freckles. Then when a little peasant girl visited the castle she overheard Daisy talking to a enemy of the west clan she said something about money and that she will get it to them four days after the wedding. The peasant gasped and ran away when she kissed the man. The peasant was not an ugly young girl; she had short dark brown hair with bangs shoved carelessly to the side. He eyes seemed to change color with her mood, right then they were a brilliant hazel, because she had a mission and she was determined to carry it out. She ran franticly to the prince’s chamber knocking and beating at his door yelling that his potential wife was a fraud and that she could prove it. But instead of prince Cameron coming out it was Daisy in a silk white robe and her red hair up in a elegant bun trying to make it look a little bit more sophisticated looking. The tall woman stood at least an inch taller then Emma, the peasant. Emma looked into the room and saw Cameron tied to a chair. Daisy knocked Emma upside the head and crammed her into a truck to take with them to the castle for the wedding. There were two carriages I was assigned to the prince’s one not knowing that his was forced to be wed. It was also a complete mystery why Daisy forbidden us from opening the carriage door. Then the storm came, the wind picked up and fog covered the track so we could barely see in front of our faces. Daisy shrieked that we stay close, but we were already separated. When the fog let up we heard a loud screaming, shoving, and grumbling from inside the carriage. We ignored Daisy’s instructions and opened the door, there we found Cameron tied to his seat and a shacking truck strapped to the other side. The others untied Cameron from the seat and I got to work on seeing who was in the trunk. I took the trunk outside and broke the lock on it. A screaming girl jumped out and knocked me to the ground. She then realized that I wasn’t a threat. She got off and glared at me. I asked her what her name was and why was she here in a trunk? She took in a deep breath and told the whole story. I told the others and we all thought up a plan. All the way through it I kept seeing Hank eyeing me and I got a little uncomfortable. That night when we thought up the plan, which was to at first go though with the wedding then when he says no we storm in and take her into custody, we were running low on water, so we were drinking the wine. It was pretty funny we were all trashed and stuff and having a great time, but it seemed that Hank never had anything to drink. Then he took me into the forest, and then injected something into me. And I was too wasted to notice. I passed out; he raped me, and declared me his wife.” “WHAT? He can’t just do that, can he?” Kayla asked.

Alyss nodded “indeed he can in the guard world, but he twisted it. The rule stated if male guard and female guard get together and if thy female does not fight in any way thy male therefore has power to declare said maiden his own.” Alyss recited Kayla couldn’t believe it. It was sick and wrong. Alyss continued “Anyway, I was now his wife and I was pissed as hell at him I didn’t go near him unless I had to. When we finally got to the castle we put the girl back in the trunk and tied the prince up. We all left to our living Quarters. The next morning we got ready for the wedding and laid out who was dropping to the floor, which was guarding each door and so on. The wedding went fast and when we heard no, we dropped down like spiders from the ceiling. She started freaking out and ran to the southeast wall. She pressed a hidden button and opened a secret door that we had no idea about. Then a small shadow came out behind her as she was going to make a bratty remark to us, and Emma hit her hard on the head ‘that’s for hitting me ya b****’ Emma said dropping the metal torch and running for Cameron. He held her in a tight hug then kissed her. After the not quite wedding Daisy was banished because of treason. I was forced home with Hank, but I did get some words in with a vampire. I said you may turn me into a vampire if you say that I’m dead in the guard world and if you get me the hell away from him. Nine months later I gave birth to Eve. I started crying because I knew they wouldn’t let me take her from the father of the child unless she was still in the womb. So for thirteen years I worked my way to the top, tracked down Hank and keeping my life a secret to get my daughter back,” Alyss yawned Kayla had one more question “ then who are Eve’s brothers and sisters?” Alyss yawned again “adopted guard babies they are pretty common because they’re parents either die or don’t want them Hank was always nice to them, but he wasn’t to his real daughter Eve.” they both yawned “I think we should go to bed” Kayla nodded. They both nodded and went to sleep.

I woke up and got out of the carriage to get some fresh air. I still had a massive headache from my fricken dad. I climbed a tree just so I could sit down, and so I was out of site. I sat down and looked up to the stars. Why am I now a vampire? Why does my father hate me? And how come I keep seeing this girl in my dreams? Who is she? What does she want? All these questions were swimming though my head at light speed. To fast for me to just focus on just one. “You like climbing trees?” Mickel asked. I rolled my eyes “what are you doing awake?” he smiled and climbed up “I was about to ask you” he said climbing the tree up to me “when did you last feed?” he asked. I looked down and shrugged my shoulders “well…I…haven’t had time to” he waved to cut off my insane babbling. “Here” he said. He moved closer to me and moved his hair out of his face and away from his neck. “No really I’m ok” he glared at me and shoved my face to his neck. “Stop you’ll get sick if you don’t eat” he whispered “well as long as you don’t say feed” I bit down on his neck and the blood flowed into my mouth like that’s were it wanted to be. This time I stopped when I had enough. He looked at me when I wiped my mouth. “You can’t starve your self like this, even if you don’t like being a vampire” he said cleaning the blood from my chin. I sighed “I have always been taught that we must protect the vampires from humans and humans from vampires, keep the races apart. And be ready to die doing it. I just… I was always different in school I always thought that we’re just as important to this world as humans are. Everyone thought I was crazy. Then I started failing every class, but combat training. I was the best in the class, but I still thought we had importance. Then I met Kayla, she had the same ideas. And we were best friends since then.” Mickel nodded. “I have one best friend and basically that’s Erik he saved me, many times from guard problems.” he paused as if thinking over his next words. “ when did your dad start becoming violent?” he asked “ because when I first met you 3 years ago it looked like the only bad thing on your mind was talking to me, because I was so rude” I laughed “ he was never that mean to me until I turned 14. Until then he loved us evenly, but then my bother and sister moved to the land. Only I and my little sister remained on the boats. Then he got violent, and it scared the crap out of Ticky when I came to our dorm with a split lip and bruises.”
We both laughed. I yawned “we… well mostly you need to go to sleep” Mickel said. I smiled “and if I don’t?” I asked jokingly.
He stared at me “do I really need to answer that?” I smiled and got down “not really no” we both went to sleep.

The next day we started on our way to Midnight Valley. It took about 2 hours to get to the top of the hill were we could see Midnight valley. It wasn’t what you would think a vampire town would look like during the day. You would think it would look deserted, but it look so alive. You could hear children playing in the distance and people saying hi to people they see on their way to work.

Vampires can take some sun, but it’s extremely bright. So we have to were sunglasses for our eyes. And something in our eyes makes them shine. We also burn easily so we have to slather sunscreen on “If you think this looks cool then you should see it at night” Mickel leaned over. “It’s so full of life and parties” I looked over at him and smiled “can’t wait” I whispered to myself “WHOOO HOOO!!!! THIS IS AWSOME!!” Kayla yelled. I smiled to myself, she loves parties. I looked over a Mickel his deep blue eyes looked happy for the first time I have been with him. I also remember when he kissed me taking the blood off my lips. His lips were so smooth… wait! Put it on fricken pause! No! He’s just a friend… yea that’s it just friends. When we got down there me, Kayla, Mickel, and Erik went to a little house in the middle of the town. It had a big living room, 2 bathrooms, and two double bedrooms. Mine and Kayla’s room had two Queen sized beds, two vanities, and two huge walk in closets, me and Kayla thought our room was too boring. So we left a note on the door telling the guys we left for a shopping spree.

The first store we went to was called Decorate and Live there we walk along the miles of wallpaper and flooring and ended up with a wallpaper that was black with dark blue lightning that looked like the lightning was tearing across the picture. And to match the wallpaper we got a dark blue carpet and black star shaped rugs. (Vary fluffy rugs I might add) we then went to (of course) a clothes store call El La Bat. We both laughed at that. There we bought things like plaid pleated skirts with chains on them tanks with bat designs on them, T-shirts, Jeans, Boots, sneakers, belts, chocker necklaces, every thing you could think of.

When we were trying on dresses we heard screams “what the?” we said at the same time. Adrenaline and our Guard instincts kicked in and we pulled on jeans and some kick ass boots. And ran outside to see Killers attacking the city. Killers are half human half wolf, like werewolves, but worse. They loved to eat vampires and they kill for fun. They are almost always white in color and they have three inch claws sticking out from the tips of their gnarled fingers. When they aren’t morphed they look like super models. When they are they look like sick man eating wolves. I ran toward the first one I saw and clapped my hand right behind his ears. He howled in pain and spun around to face me ears bleeding, claws out.
“Who are you?” he said “I was about to say the same thing to you doggy” I retorted.

I quickly stepped forward and kicked him in the back of the knee. Surprised he went down on all fours, I grabbed his chin and leaned down to his ear “I’m your worst nightmare” I said. Then I turned my wrist and I heard a satisfying crack. He crumpled on the ground at my feet. The little vampire kid the Killer was attacking ran to me and hugged me I picked her up and carried her into the store. Then ran to Kayla
“how many are there” I asked. While I was fighting the Killer, she went to the town square to see “Not many we could kill all of them alone” I nodded “There may not be many in the square but who knows how many in the rest of the town” she nodded and we went to take out any more around the town. Turned out that there was a little more then a few in all there was about 50 attacking the town square. I and Kayla found 50 more around the town. Killed ’em all. It was cake for us. For the vampire Guards in the square it was way more then easy. When we got to town square we found five vampires trying to kill one Killer. So Kayla walked up behind them and snapped the Killer’s neck. The vamp muttered a thanks and turned and ran to City Hall.

“Oh are you Eve? My burn has told me much about a guard girl turned vampire…mmmm and you smell so good too.” came a chilling voice from behind me. I turned around just in time to see a Killer running toward me; I stepped to the side leaving my foot in just the position. The Killer’s eyes went wide as he tripped over my out stretched foot and landed hard on his knees he howled in pain
“who are you? Why do you know me?” I asked kind of freaked. A Killer’s burn is what they call their master so to speak. “My burn knows you he has only been one of us for a short while, but his last position said that we must grant him the power” he said laughing. A new and very powerful Killer? This has really bad written all over it. I made a mental note to look into to it later with Mickel. “You didn’t answer my question what’s your name Killer?” he cackled the kind of way my ex-dad used to when I backed talk him.
“If you must know my name is Joel and my burn’s name is Hank” the name bit into me like a slap to the face. He wouldn’t have. Would he? I was speechless. Joel laughed again “And yes I know what you’re thinking. Is this new Killer my daddy? Well yes, yes he is he turned Killer like only a few days ago, he’s a great Killer and he’s working so hard and clawing his way to the top of our government.” I couldn’t hear any more I didn’t think I just acted I ran at him a full speed. With my new vampire speed I crossed the 3 yards in little over a second. I kicked him in the knee and grabbed hold of his neck and said “you tell Hank that I don’t care if he is a Killer I’ll still kill him for what he did to me and my mother. Tell him I only know bits and pieces but I know enough that what he did to my mother wasn’t pleasant. TELL HIM!!” the Killer nodded and ran, paused and sent three Killers after me “hay watch this!” I yelled to him and because I was so mad I killed the three dogs with in three seconds. Joel’s eyes went wide and bolted outta there like a scared puppy. I counted to one hundred and ran to the City Hall building to tell Alyss.

I ran up to the front desk yelling at the red head who worked there
“Were is Alyss!!!?” the red head looked up
“I’m sorry she’s in a meeting.” she said calmly I slammed my hands on the desk making her jump and put her hand to her heart
“I DON’T CARE I NEED TO SEE ALYSS NOW!!” I was so mad I used my voice that used to scare my dad shitless when I was younger. The red head was shaking, when she was about to answer we heard a familiar voice behind us
“that’s ok Chloe I can see her now” Alyss said calmly I followed her to her office
“now wha…” I didn’t let her finish I launched into the whole story starting from Joel all the way to Hank turning into a Killer. You can turn Killer if you starve your self for two days then biting and sucking all the blood out of either a vamp or a guard the next day you turn into a dog on crack basically. Weird? Yes… but true

“oh my goddess I have to tell the council at the meeting today…oh would you and Kayla attend just in case you forgot something in the story” I nodded even though I have been making reports for three years I’m pretty sure I didn’t leave out anything important.

After all that I went home I knew Kayla was already there trying to calm Mickel down, and sure enough she was
“now Mickel I’m sure she’s fine all night the Killers couldn’t even surprise her she was on a roll” Kayla said rubbing Mickel’s back
“ I don’t care you guys should have came home when you saw the Killers not stay and try to help your brand new vampires that means your weaker you could’ve gotten killed” he half yelled back at Kayla
“you know” I said calmly they all turned toward me.
“I took three Killers down at once when I was out there, Kayla took out 2 two at a time yet it took five vampires to first stop a Killer, but then Kayla walked up behind the Killer and snapped the things neck” I shrugged
“ sounds too me you guys need brand new vampire help” Mickel glared at me (shooting daggers is more like it)
“ your hiding something…..make that two some things” I rolled my eyes, one of the some things was my dad turning puppy on crack, the other was that when I came out of the city hall one last Killer came up behind me and tried to push me over I caught my footing and did a roundhouse kick to his head as he went down he reached out with his claw and shredded my arm. I put a quick bandage on and ran home.
“Which do you want to know first?” I asked
“the more important one” I shrugged
“to vamps or to me?” he glared, that meant to me. I sighed and shrugged off my coat before it even hit the ground Mickel was dragging me to the bathroom and ripping the bandage off; none too gently I might add. He worked like a tornado around the bathroom and my arm. All the while Kayla was watching at the door amused. I didn’t say anything but the word ow and a few cuss words but that’s it. When he was cleaning up around the bathroom I said
“oh by the way my dad turned Killer” I said normally. He stopped dead, Kayla put her hand to her mouth, and Erik got up from his relaxed position from the couch. To look at me with wide eyes.
“Eve are you sure about this?” I nodded I couldn’t talk anymore. Mickel sighed
“I think… no never mind” he looked at Kayla
“you two need to get ready for the meeting” he paused stealing a glance at me
“its semi-formal so were something nice” he got up and slammed the door to his and Erik’s room. Erik rolled his eyes, went over and tried to open the door but it was locked
“yo! Man this is my room too let me in!” the door open and Erik walked inside. After that several silent moments pasted with Kayla standing at the door of the bathroom hugging her self, and me looking down at my hands. Finally, because Kayla hates awkward moments she said
“well we should go get ready we have lots’ o dresses to pick from” and that made me smile as she dragged me off to our room.

“Sir the spy told us that they will be setting out for the meeting in an hour. He said he’ll tell us all about it after ward” said a shaky but deep voice, Hank who was looking outside turned around “good, very well” he smiled. Then his head Killer came busting into the room breathing hard “now Joel there is a thing called knocking it’s a very civilized way of entering a room” Joel dropped to one knee “my apologies sir, but this could not wait your daughter spared my life to tell you a very disturbing and threatening message” Hank raised one bushy eye brow “go on” Hank said morphing as he got angrier. Joel swallowed the gum he was chewing and continued “she said she doesn’t care what kind of army you have she will still kill you.” Hank laughed “what makes you think she has the skill to do that she was a failure as a human guard, let alone a vampire” Joel swallowed again “sir I sent three of our best Killers to attack her she killed them all with out even touching them. I think she has a special power.” Hank went full morph, turning into the black wolf Killer he was. And slammed his hands down on the redwood desk, pushing back the leather chair though the window behind him “I want her tested for special powers, but don’t kill her she might be more useful then I thought” he said slowly calming down. Then putting on a twisted smile he said “now look what the unhappy news has done to me. I have pushed my favorite chair out the window, braking the beautiful glass.” he said walking to the door. At the door he turned around and said “get someone to clean this up and fix the glass by tomorrow or I will be very cross” with that he left the room.

In the end I just picked a simple black lace dress that reached just above my knee with black leather high heel boots that went just past my ankle. My hair was up with hair fringed around a center bun. Kayla was wearing a black and baby blue dress that went to the floor, her shoes were black flats. And her hair was in a high ponytail with her bangs pinned back with sparkly bobby pins. We walked in with Erik and Mickel leading the way to our seats. “Ok you can mill around and talk to some people, but what ever you do don’t go outside this big room. Ok?” we both nodded we were both sitting almost at the end of the table. At the very end were two throne like chairs. Both black and red. Typical.

Anyway me and Kayla soon got bored and started walking around and greeting people. “So your Eve Smithsion and Kayla Division?” we both nodded to a young vampire about the age of nine. He looked like he was meeting superman from the comic books. He had cute fuzzy red hair and a big smile. “Now Bradley no need to annoy the guests.” said a tall vampire with carrot red hair in a bun on the top of her head and way too many freckles. “I’m so sorry my brother has read about you in the paper, you saved so many people from the Killers.” we both nodded. I was about to say something, but she interrupted me before I could get one word out. “I’m so sorry were are my manors, my name is Daisy.” she said with a big smile. I heard Kayla hide a gasp just enough for her not to hear, but I certainly did. I gave her a weird look witch told her to spill it all later. I returned Daisy’s smile and said “Hello Daisy I’m Eve and this is Kayla” she nodded “well you both look almost as pretty as m…” she was interrupted by a smallish girl with short brown hair, she was wearing a black and white dress that fringed around her knees like a gothic Tinkerbelle dress. The dress had a corset like design over her stomach with white ribbon crossing though it. “ Daisy would you please get me a water, Cameron hasn’t shown me much of our new home” she said very sweetly Daisy made a noise that sounded like a snarl and walked away with her butt swinging so much I thought the red tight dress was going to rip. “I’m Sorry about Daisy she’s a little mean. Oh, I’m Emma.” my eyes went wide. She was the girl from my dreams. What did this girl have to do with me? Kayla took my pause to do the name thing, this time around. She smiled “hi Emma I’m Kayla Division and this is my friend Eve Smithsion” by then Emma and I were staring at each other like we knew each other. “Princess Emma… oh you’ve met Eve and Kayla” all three of us nodded at Mickel. Kayla and I knew she was a princess from the small tiara fitted neatly on her head. Mickel had behind him Erik and a guy I didn’t know, but he had short dark brown hair and deep brown eyes that seemed to suck you in when he smiled. “Hello I’m Prince Cameron” he took my hand and kissed it, very old (hot) fashioned. Then he did the same with Kayla. I looked over at Mickel and Erik they were stone face. Oh can we say jealous much, jeez. Then a very manly voice said “if you will take your seats we will begin the dinner” we all took our seats. When we were served it was lobster and a very dark wine. I saw Mickel and Erik smiling at me and Kayla, we looked at each other and took some small sips. Those ass hats, it was blood mixed with a little vodka. I was eating the lobster when I felt a warm something oozing down my arm “ s***” I cussed under my breath “ were are you going?” Kayla asked “Lana cuma ita lunta” I said in guard I said that my arm is bleeding don’t tell Mickel. She nodded. I grabbed my purse and went for the bath room.

Shortly after Eve left Emma was waiting for the right time to head to the bath room her self. Finally she got up and told Cameron she was going to the restroom.

I was so glade I was wearing a small leather jacket to cover up my arm. The blood didn’t touch the dress, but the jacket was soaked with it. I was taking off the blood soaked bandage when Emma walked in “oh my goodness let me help you” I stiffly nodded “what happened” I laughed “Killer, he came up behind me” Emma nodded “I see” when she finished and helped me clean up all the blood. We walked back out to find people finishing up with the lobsters. “Jeez, girls take a long time in the bathroom don’t they?” asked Mickel all three of us nodded. Soon they got out the thing? You know when they light the cake on fire? Something about Alaska? I don’t know the name. Well you should try it, its fricken good. All the time me and Kayla thought the cake was going to catch fire in our mouths, so we ate it carefully blowing on the cake before eating it. I stole a glance at Mickel and he was trying to hide his laughter. He was laughing so hard I thought blood was going to come out of his nose. I made a mental note to kick his ass later.

I saw Mickel laughing so hard I thought he was going to pee his pants. And I thought Eve was going to jump over the table and kick his ass. But the thing that was really going though my head was not Mickel snorting blood; it was why Daisy was here I thought she was banished for treason. What the heck? I am so going to talk to Alyss about this.

About an hour into the party my arm started to really bother me and I was really nervous. About what? I have no clue. I just had a bad feeling. Finally Emma and Cameron went up to the stage with big smiles. “We would like to invite Eve and Kayla up here please” Cameron said in a silky voice. Me and Kayla went up blushing. “This is a welcome to our society gift.” Cameron said smiling. He was holding out two black necklaces, they had vampire fangs painted black and at the points of the canine teeth were two shining rubies. He put them around our necks. Then it was Emma’s turn to speak. “And this is for saving many people in what will be known as Day of the Killers.” she said proudly. Every one cheered. Then she got out two bracelets with rubies encrusted around a center charm. The charm was a red rose. The symbol for made royalty. But mine was a blue rose the symbol for blood royal. “Um…” I started “Eve,” Emma whispered “I don’t know what your reaction to this is but I’m very sorry but happy for you” she said “Eve we would like you to meet someone very special to you,” he paused when Alyss walked in “we would like you to meet your mother” my eyes grew to the size of dinner plaits as I turned my head toward Alyss. Alyss is my mother!?

didn’t say anything I just ran out of the room aiming anywhere but here. I ended up on the same hill were we first saw the little vampire town. I guess I picked this spot because I could see everything, the town hall were the dinner was (or meeting they keep saying to me, but really its just a dinner), and I could see my new home, the mall Square (its like a mall but it’s a whole bunch of little stores in the shape of a square) and that was just in the town. It is such a pretty sight to behold. I ran because I needed to think I couldn’t just run up to my mom and give her a big bear huge saying how happy I was, no I couldn’t do that. So I ran, not looking back. And I’m royal, what the heck. They think that I will just say o.k. to that kind of thing, ha yea right.

After Eve ran out at all most the speed of light all hell broke loose. People ran around, the guards were called (regular ones), and women went in to little gossip groups while their husbands called on a search party to look for Eve princess to 4th power. In all this commotion Kayla saw it fit to ask Alyss about Daisy. “Hay Alyss why is Daisy here I thought she was Banished for treason?” Alyss nodded “yes she did get banished, but in the vampire world banishment is like jail for humans. She got let back in for good behavior.” Alyss said. Kayla though up her hands “you and your weird customs!” said Kayla and she walked off toward were Mickel, Erik, Emma, and Prince Cameron were standing around. “…looking for Eve” Emma finished when Kayla walked up “I’m sorry did I miss something?” Emma turned around “oh sorry I was just telling them that we should head out and look for Princess Evelyn, you never know what could happen out there with out the wards.” Emma said proudly Kayla nodded “I agree completely” all three guys were glaring and shacking their heads. Then Emma brushed past Kayla and slid something into her sweater pocket. And she left with Cameron. When Kayla, Mickel, and Erik got back to the house before either boy said something Kayla slammed the door. “Hmm I think she’s mad we didn’t let her and Emma go find Eve.” Erik said Mickel rolled his eyes “well duh” they both went to their room. When Kayla heard their door slam she got out the note Emma slipped her
Dear Kayla, meet me in the town square, 12:00 p.m.
Ware something that you can run in. and
Bring things that you think will help.

Kayla got on black skinny jeans, black V-neck T-shirt and a black hoodie, and boots that went up to her knee. With that she put on a utility belt on it she had light weight zip line kit, flashlights, rope, daggers, and duck tape. (Hay everything is fixed because duck tape). Kayla crawled though the window and set out for the town square.

Thirty minuets till midnight I still didn’t want to go home so I went for a walk around the city. Forest covers most of the outer perimeter of the city so it’ll keep me hidden real well. Hour later I was still walking around, but then I heard a scratching sound and I didn’t like it. I started walking faster. As I sped up so did the scratching. I finally turned around to meet my stalker head on “who’s there?” I asked, nothing answered. I continued to stand there waiting. Then a cute little bunny came hoping out, “aw your not so bad” I said petting the bunny. “Eve we found you!” Kayla said running at me. “Hi Kayla” Emma came up behind her “hi Emma” I was suddenly in a good mood. But all that changed when six Killers came out from behind us. Before one took hold of Emma I snapped its neck. One down five to go. I got ready to kill another when one said “oh slow your roll. Your way out numbered” 18 more Killers came down behind us one taking hold of each of us. When Emma started to fight back the Killer held a knife up to her throat. We all stopped dead. “Now Eve come with us quietly or your friends lose their lives and you come with us screaming. Either way you’re coming with us.” I had no choice I had to go. Stiffly I put my head down. “No Eve you can’t!” Kayla screamed “do you want you and Emma to die!” I screamed back she started crying, but still said nothing. I looked at Emma, she was crying to. “Well good let the girls go once we are in the chopper. Then come up behind us fast.” We started to zip up with me hung loose in one Killer’s arms. Once all the way up the others came. There was not enough seats in the helicopter so I was held firmly in place at the edge with my feet hanging over the side of the helicopter. I had no will to fight, no will to get back to home, no will to move.

When the helicopter was out of sight Kayla and Emma sank to the ground crying uncontrollably, they cried for hours. Past sun up, they kept crying. Eventually they heard dogs and yelling. Then Mickel, Erik, and Cameron found them hugging each other on the ground crying. “Oh my god, what’s wrong.” Cameron said running over to the two girls. Kayla couldn’t speak and Emma could only manage some gibberish. “V to id aped y llers” she sniffled “Erik leaned down “Eve got kidnapped by Killers” he said Cameron came over “how did you know she said that?” Cameron asked “and how come you said it like you knew already?” Erik looked at him surprised “um good hearing?” he said a little nervously. Cameron raised an eyebrow but dismissed anything wrong. He must have missed it but Kayla and Emma did not. Later that night Emma snuck out of the mansion and went to Kayla’s house. She knocked on the window; Kayla came over and opened the window. “Did you notice how weird Erik was acting?” Emma asked. Kayla nodded “yup and I’ve noticed that once everyday he weirdly disappears and no one can find him.” Emma nodded “do you see him leaving the house?” Kayla nodded “yea but I never thought to follow him.” Emma got up from sitting on Eve’s bed “well then tomorrow we will follow him” she whispered. They both nodded. And Emma crawled back out the window “I’ll come back here saying just to hang out, when Erik leaves we’ll follow him. “ Kayla nodded, and closed the window waving to Emma.

“No will, no will.” a tiny voice kept saying inside my head. I was in a big cell, with gray bricks uncomfortable cot, and a scratchy blanket draped over me. I was curled up in a ball on my cot not wanting to do anything. “Hello Evelyn how are you and your mother?” in answer I curled up tighter. “I’m going to ask you once, do you wish to become Killer like your old man and work for me to?” I violently shook my head. He leaned down “fine then. Soon you won’t have a choice” he got up and spoke to the Killers behind him “into the tank” they then picked me up, carried me a short distance and plopped me into a tank that was slightly wet. When they closed the top I was encased with darkness. I don’t know how long I was in there maybe I slept but either way when they opened the tank up and tossed me onto a cot, the light was so painful I screamed and clawed up at Killers holding me down. “So have you rethought about my offer?” I screamed and slapped my dad racking my nails down his face. “Rrgg!” he yelled grabbing hold of my throat. I started coughing and clawing at his hands. “Hank! Stop! Now! “A slightly familiar voice said I couldn’t open my eyes long enough to see his face. Dad let go and air rushed into my lungs. “Ah there you are”

Two hours after Emma came over Erik left to “go get some bread” yeah right. Kayla and Emma followed him past the city boundaries. Soon they got to a huge fenced off place. It took about five minuets for them to find out how to get past the electric fence. Once they got past it they went to every window. Till they found were Erik was. He was with Kill-ified Hank and a curled up girl on a bed. “Oh my god that’s Eve” Emma nodded and held one finger to her mouth. When Erik started to leave the girls ran as fast as they could back to the town, but they didn’t go back to the house they went straight to Cameron. When Kayla started to bang on the door Emma came up with a key, door unlocked Kayla smashed it down and mowed two maids on her way to Cameron’s room. “CAMERON!!” Kayla yelled Cameron sitting on a chair reading jumped up “yes girls” he said calmly…sort of. Kayla turned to Emma “May I?” she nodded Kayla turned back to Cameron and grabbed him by his collar. “Do you know everything about Erik?” He nodded Kayla gripped tighter “you sure?” With this he started stuttering he looked over at Emma but she was pissed he could not get help from her. “What did you girls find out?” he motioned behind his back for a servant to get Mickel. “We followed Erik and found that he went to a Killer camp, talked to Hank, and we found Eve.” Emma said clearly pissed off. Her hands on her hips. Cameron looked dumbfounded “I can’t believe what I’m hearing; I’ve known Erik a long time. He wouldn’t.” he stammered. Emma put a hand on Kayla’s shoulder telling her to let go. “Well unless it was a video window and were being punked then it’s true. Me and Kayla saw it with our own eyes,” Emma said looking like she wanted to punch someone. Kayla silently sitting in a corner had her fists balled up so tight that her knuckles were turning white. “Eve will find a way to get out then all we have to do is pick her up” Emma and Cameron simultaneously shook their heads “look Kay’, we know Eve’s good, but no one’s that good.” Emma came over rubbing Kayla’s back. “You’ll see” Kayla said to her self silently.

They should’ve never taken me out, and then I wouldn’t have seen the light…literally. I knew that the familiar voice was Erik; I knew that somehow Emma and Kayla were watching. How I knew I don’t know, I couldn’t see s*** it was so bright. Once they took me out they didn’t put me back in. so I stayed in my little prison digging in the walls to past the time. God I was so bored, but I wasn’t so scared of boredom I was more afraid of blood-loss. And I mean not getting enough blood to eat. I was already starting to feel the side affects. Dizziness, laziness, strange sounds. Creepy stuff like that. This morning when I woke up I saw a fuzzy little thing sitting staring at me. It was wearing a red and black plaid robe with a black ribbon around the waist scrunching the fabric were it was it had white short fuzzy hair and little blue eyes. I rolled my eyes at it knowing I was going crazy with blood-loss. “Don’t you roll your eyes at me young lady” the little thing said I screamed and jumped backward till my back hit the wall behind my bed. “I’m going crazy” I said rubbing my head. It laughed “no I’m real, trust me” it jumped up on the bed and held out its hand. “I’m Iris,” I took its small hand in mind and shook it gently “Am I dieing?” I asked I had to know. Iris nodded sadly. I took her in my hands “Can you help me?” again she nodded “in a way I can” I raised an eyebrow “say what? Ok that’s it I’m going crazy with blood lost.” I said dropping Iris onto the cot. She got up and dusted her self off. “You’ll see” that’s it I’m too crazy. “What do I do?” Iris smiled and pulled out a little brown leather bag tied at the top with a string. She opened it and a little screen came up and showed Emma and Kayla yelling at Mickel and Cameron. “We saw it and Erik was there talking to him like they’ve been friends for years” Kayla yelled at Cameron with her fist twisted up in the collar of his shirt. Emma looked pissed; she had on Guard type clothing with her hands on her hips. Gasp, he did not just make her put her hands on her hips that means trouble. Both girls were about to kill them. He he maybe this won’t be so bad. Iris turned to me and said “talk,” I looked at Iris like she was crazy. I shrugged, “um guys?” I said. Everyone stopped “did you guys hear that or do I need to get some blood?” Kayla said. A wave of dizziness hit me when she said blood. I was so hungry that it was almost painful. “Guys they aren’t lying Erik is behind it all along with my dad.” they all looked around. Then being Emma she took a chance and talked back.” Eve? Are you ok?” she asked. I moaned “not really they’re starving me so I’ll become Killer,” they all gasped, but Mickel turned deadly. “Were on our way. Don’t give into them before I get there,” I moaned again then Iris took over “hi all I’m Iris you’ll meet me once you get here, don’t worry I’m on the good side, but ya’ll should get here fast she doesn’t have much time left, well bye!” she hung up on whatever thing she had. Iris turned to me and said “ now you need sleep,” I laughed “I’m not tired” Iris raised an eyebrow “ that’s one of the symptoms of blood loss,” I nodded and tried to go to sleep which wasn’t that hard, I fell asleep the minute my head hit the pillow.

“Okay I’m not the only one who heard Eve and then someone named Iris in my head right?” Emma said “nope I heard it” Kayla answered. Mickel and Cameron just stood there like dead fish. Okay it’s time for some help. “WELL DON’T JUST STAND THERE GET THE TROOPS TOGETHER, MAKE YOUR SELFS USEFUL TO LIFE!!!!!!!” Kayla screamed. Both boys, startled, started running around bumping into each other and everyone else. The girls high five and went to the weapons room. When they walked in people here bustling around Kayla went to the small stuff. “Why are we over here? Shouldn’t we get to the big stuff?” She said. Kayla shook her head “nope we need to pack light if were going to get in before the others,” Emma rose and eyebrow “and how do think we should do that?” Kayla sighed. “How did we get in in the first place?” Kayla glared at Emma “oh I get it know,” Emma said nodding. Kayla rolled her eyes “duh,” she said. They both started stoking up on rope, knives, flashlights, and for Kayla her lucky lock picking kit that Eve got her for her 15th birthday. When they walked out there was Erik talking to Cameron. Kayla almost tackled him, but Emma stopped her. “Hay Erik,” she said sweetly. Kayla gagged, and Erik being her turner got worried “are you ok Kayla?” he said with wide eyes. Kayla swatted his hand away “I’m fine” she said sharply. Erik looked taken aback, but he quickly dismissed it. She continued to glare at him. “So what’s going on? Why are people getting ready for a fight or a invasion or something?” Cameron tapped Mickel twice on the hand. Erik was getting more confused by the second. “Were going on a small search party for Eve.” Mickel said. Erik shook his head “Killers took her she’s doomed” he said sadly. That was all Kayla needed, she launched herself at Erik they fell on the ground and tumbled around. When Erik threw her off she still wasn’t done. She started hitting him with punches and landed some pretty mean kicks to his sides. Each time he just grunted and tried his best to block. “ Kayla? What did I do?” Erik franticly tried to get the best of her ,but he wasn’t a tenth as pissed off as she was. When she landed a hard punch to his cheek only then did he start getting pissed off. Still he was not able to seduce her. Kayla knew what she knew, she didn’t know if she was right , but she was hoping to god she was wrong. She landed harder and meaner kicks and punches so fast that Emma was starting to get dizzy from watching and had to lean agenst Cameron to keep from falling over. Erik tried to get back on the offensive , but Kayla wouldn’t have it she blocked, twirled, kicked, and smacked him till he broke a sweat. Finally Kayla saw it fit to take him to the limit. See what’ll he’ll do. She kicked him in the shin, spun around punched him in the jaw, and tuned around once more to kick him three inches from where no guy wants to be kicked. His leg buckled and he backed up a little giving her ground. His face was starting to get Corse white hair all over it. Shoot she was right. She landed a roundhouse kick into his chest knocking the wind out of him and sending him flying into the wall. She turned to Emma “ get them out of here, get to the spot then wait for me I’ll be right behind you,” Kayla yelled. “but!” Emma started but Kayla cut her off “ just go!” she nodded turned around and dragged Cameron away “ Kayla, is he Killer?” Mickel asked. Kayla nodded sadly. He nodded and said “ try not to kill him I want to ask questions,” he said his back facing her , but Kayla knew he was on the verge of tears. When he left Kayla looked down at he red rose charm bracelet, she breathed and ran from the room going toward the middle of the town where no one was because no one lived in the middle it was a rule or something. She knew Erik would wake up and come at her fully morphed. When she got there she sat down and started waiting.

Killer dudes came in multiple times to take some blood from me, and it got really annoying I was way too weak for them to be taking blood. Iris became more and more pissed that they were keeping me from sleeping and soon she bit one. The Killer started jumping around freaking out. They didn’t come back in after that, so there. Iris told me that a army was coming to get me and I hated that I could get out on my own because I was so damn weak. But I was hoping that Kayla would come in before the attack was set and get me some blood. I even be o.k. with blood bags that hospitals use. And I knew that once I saw Mickel I would attack him for his blood. Damn just thinking about blood was making me hungry. But there was nothing else to do I was so bored. If only I could get some blood I could run to Mickel and he would hug me and tell me that everything’s o.k. but no I had to be stuck here.

Kayla jumped up when she heard a sound that seemed like a hurt dog. Which she knew was Erik. She took deep breaths to calm down because you wont win if you show them that you’re scared. “how long have you known I am a Killer?” the scratchy version of Erik’s voice came from all around and Kayla was left stuck in the middle. Crap, gee wonder who has the advantage here? Is it A: Kayla B: Erik or C: a cat? Yeah not good

Kayla didn’t move she just stood there looking down focusing on her vampire senses, trusting her vampire senses. “ how did you two girls find that Killer hide out?” he asked. The voice came from her left but when she turned over there nothing was there. “ Answer me” he asked from the north. He is moving counter clock ways. Kayla closed her eyes “you’re not a full Killer,” she said. A low growl came from the northwest. Which made her flinch a little. She swallowed and continued “when a group of rogue Killers found you they starved you for only three days, then made you drink their blood, but you didn’t get enough blood to turn you all the way. Scared and confused you killed them all then by accident you found the hide out and they only promised you a full turn if you continued to do what they say. And since you look nothing like a Killer it was easy to stay with us and make friends,” Kayla said. He growled again “how do you know so much about me?” Kayla smirked “ next time don’t keep a diary,” after that he didn’t talk and it was impossible to keep track of him. She closed her eyes but she didn’t see the darkness of her eyelids she saw Erik half morphed, which is as much as he could go, he was pissed and she could tell he was planning a attack by the pet shop alley. He would be there in about five seconds, four, three, two. Erik launched him self out in the open but Kayla was already on the roof of the pet shop. Now she had the advantage. She did a front flip off the building and landed lightly on her feet behind him. He whorled around to face her, but she was already punching and landing kicks on him morphed he was much stronger. But she had anger on her side so yeah he is so going down. When Kayla managed to punch him in the snout ( may I say EEEWWWWWW!!!!) he started to freak out. Screaming and bending over, Kayla had like six seconds to finish this. She picked up a nearby pole flipped it in her hand and hit him in the back of the head. Erik fell to the ground unconscious. Kayla tied him up very tightly to a cement pillar, and started running to the Killer hid out breathing heavily. While she was running she couldn’t believe how she did that, she closed her eyes and she saw were he was just by thinking about it? Kayla looked down and the little card in her hand. The key to Eve’s prison.

I punched the wall once more screaming. “ stop it I’m begging you!” Iris screamed. I ignored her screams to pick up the cot and throw it into the wall. She turned to the little scared figure huddled by the wall. “ I’m sorry, I’m done.” Iris got up and jumped into my hand. “just be calm they’ll be here,” I nodded “I know just, I hate waiting like this,” Iris nodded
“Kayla! You’re okay!” Emma called when she saw Kayla running up. “yea, he’s unconscious in town square” she said. Kayla looked over at Mickel and he looked like he was going to hit something. “ ok lets do this thing” she said. Emma nodded and yelled to the troops to get ready “we’re attacking in ten minuets” she yelled. When they started to go Mickel stopped them “ you’re not going,” both girls stopped and looked at Mickel. “ oh sorry I thought you just said we can’t go,” Kayla said cupping her hand around her ear. Mickel nodded “ I did say that,” both girls burst out laughing “ you’ve got to be kidding me!” Kayla said laughing. Emma still laughing tapped Kayla on the back of the hand. She waited three seconds and then socked Mickel in the face. His nose broke and he flew back to hit a tree several feet away unconscious. Once he was out cold they bolted for the opening they found in the back. They went through it and jumped into a air duck and started crawling. “ are you sure that you mapped this place right?” Emma whispered. Kayla rolled her eyes. “ ever broke into a top secret facility?” Emma shook her head. “then shut up,” Kayla said. They crawled on like that for a few more minuets till they came to a drop. Kayla smiled at Emma then jumped down. After a few deep breathes Emma followed Kayla.

I almost jumped out of my skin when I herd the first little thump above me in the air ducks and then another one. I got up ready to fight for my life. And determined not to become a puppy on crack. But instead of seeing Erik ready to bite fall from the roof, I saw Kayla then Emma. Kayla was cool and calm, Emma more jumpy then a scared rabbit. “Hay guys, what’s up?” I asked smiling. Kayla ran over and hugged me. “you’ve got to be kidding me. You scare me shitless, then talk to me in my head, and when I come and get you you’re like ’hay girl what’s up?’ “ I laughed “ oh come on I’m getting tired of this place,” Kayla jumped up into the air duck first I then helped hale up Emma, then followed them around the twists and turns of the air duck. Half way though the air ducks a wave of nausea hit me and I flopped onto my stomach and just moaned. “Eve! Are you ok?” Kayla asked “Kayla get her up we have to go. She is just hungry. She’ll attack Mickel when we get outside.” Kayla snickered. And I dragged my self up and started crawling. After what felt like a life time of crawling we saw the end. I was so excited that I started crawling faster. Amazingly I felt as if I was more crawling to Mickel, no matter how mad he may be. Before we got out we made a plan that Emma would get out first an run like hell to semi-safety. Then me, then Kayla would get out and run like hell so we could all get out of this place. And jeez, I don’t know about anyone else, but I could use a HUGE glass of blood. I really don’t think I could run even a yard I was so hungry. When Emma got out I counted to ten then started to wriggle my way out of the small air ducked. Once I was out I saw Mickel with wide eyes hurrying me to him. I started running, or a kind or stumble slash trip. But finally I made it to him and I practically jumped into his arms. He hugged me so tightly that at first I didn’t know why he was guiding my face to his neck, then I got it and clamped down. The blood that flowed in was a huge relief. I had energy, and a new will to just live. I was just about to bite harder, but I heard Kayla’s scream. I spun so fast it nearly knocked Mickel over. What I saw would haunt me for the rest on my life. My dad was…..was trying to….rape my best friend?! I pushed away from Mickel so hard he stumbled back a few steps and ran to Kayla. She was screaming and kicking, but good old Hank had like a hundred pounds on her. I grabbed him by the collar and tossed him off. It was like he weighed nothing to me. I kneeled down next to Kayla, she was crying “its ok you’re fine” she was wiping her eyes and trying to calm down. No matter how much toughness or training we had rape is just plan scary. Before I could take her over to her new guardian ,Rex, my loving father pushed me away and I slammed into the nearest tree. I slumped down trying to catch my breath. “Rex” I whispered. He came over “ I distract dear old daddy, you grab Kayla” he nodded and helped me up. I took a deep breath and ran over to daddy. Once again I pushed him off, but this time I walked up to him and started to fight him in hand to claw fight. I landed kicks so powerful and strong on him that his blows seemed like a little girl fighting a ninja. When I was sure that Rex had Kayla hidden and safe I started to go on the offensive. I wanted to end this. I wanted to stop all of this. When I was about to get a good kick in the head from daddy I was shoved down onto my back, when I looked up I saw Erik standing over me blocking the kick. “the hell?” Hank said “Erik you dare defy me?” he asked dumbfounded. Erik didn’t look as if he just came from the spa, he looked like he just got beat up. I looked over at Kayla where she was hidden, he eyes where wide open about to pop out of her head. Well, found out who beat the s*** out of him. “yes, above all I will not defy my conscience, and it’s telling me that with you is not right.” he said still holding Hank’s leg in the air. He had to be cramping up. The first thing I could see was a very sharp looking stick. I almost jumped with joy, I was so happy. I slowly moved toward it, but about a foot away from the stick daddy came over grabbed me by my collar and lifted me up till my feet where dangling about three feet above ground. I looked over his shoulder and saw Erik on the ground trying to suck air in, but was having trouble. “Evelyn, I should have ended this the minute you stepped into my office,” he said spitting in my face. “I shouldn’t have hesitated. I knew you where good for nothing but trouble,” he explained. He waited for my response, which was just struggling. Then he continued “I wanted a son, a son that would follow me in my foot steppes and when I died he would finish my job, but I got you. A filthy girl that’s only good for pleasers to men,” he smiled evilly. That did it. I spat in his face, kicked him in the knee, and raked my nails down his arms. He dropped me and fell to his knees in pain. I jumped for the stick, but Kayla was there with the stick in hand smiling to me “I’m so sorry you have to do this,” she said. She swallowed and continued “but I know you and you know that this is what you have to do” she said shoving the stick into my hand, then winked and ran back to Rex. I ran over to Hank (no more dad) grabbed him by his hair and held the stick to his throat. “ now Evelyn lets not take drastic measures,” he said looking up at me. “oh I’m not going to kill you yet, you have to meet someone first.,” I looked around “ Aylss, come and see daddy,” I said not taking my eyes off Hank. When she stepped out I swore he almost had a heart attack.

“Aylss? Your alive? But I thought you where dead,” his eyes where the size of dinner plaits. “Hello Hank. You have been very bad lately,” she said “for that I’ve taken our daughter, and you have to pay the price,” she said, then nodded at me. ‘oh I don’t think so’ I whipped my head toward Hank. Did I just read his mind? Whatever it was I listened carefully. 3, 2, 1. He twisted my arm away from his exposed throat, but I was ready and grabbed his arm pressing my knee to his elbow bending the arm in the wrong direction, braking the limb. He screamed out in pure agony. I leaned down to speak into his ear “don’t ever try that again, you’ll lose.” he was still screaming as I talked. “ I’m in charge now, and you’re grounded” I said smiling. He laughed a harsh laugh and said “I would watch your boyfriend more then me” he said. All of a sudden I heard Mickel cry out. “MICKEL!!!!” I screamed. I didn’t have time for someone to take Hank from me. I couldn’t let go, and he wouldn’t let go of me “Mickel!!” I screamed again. I was clawing into his arm with all the strength I had and heard him scream and twist. Unknowingly I channeled my vampire strength that hasn’t been unleashed in anyone for a thousand years. I ripped his arm from his body, blood spraying every where. He screamed so load that I had to cover my ears as I hit him in the head with his own arm. I dropped the arm then froze when I saw Kayla with her hand covering her mouth, then a sickening crack came from the forest. ”Mickel!!” I screamed again. Then out came a Killer ,that was built like a athlete, came out holding Mickel’s limp body by his light blond hair. “NO!!!!” I screamed as I ran toward the Killer, my eyes turned red, claws came out from my hands, and my fangs came down to full length.

I slammed into the Killer knocking his grab on Mickel’s body. We fell with a thump on the wet grass. I could tell he was fighting for his life. But I couldn’t control my self from slashing at his face. Then finally the was a half a second opening that I didn’t see but my body seemed to sense it. I slashed at his throat cutting so deep his head came off, more blood sprayed every where. I got up still pissed as hell and walked over to my dad. His eyes where filled with fear, “this is what happens when you get me pissed off,” I said pointing to my eyes. Then his eyes filled with a little hope “you’re going to let me live?” he asked. I smiled “ no” was all I said, then I swung my arm down claws ready and beheaded my father drenching me with his blood. I got up turned around and look right at Mickel. He was waking up and Kayla ran over to him trying to get him fully awake. When he was awake she started pointing franticly at me. Then he really saw me red eyes, claws out, blood all over and fangs fully extended. The powers I had just unleashed on the Killers had not came to surface for over a thousand years. It was practically unheard of, and people will only believe you if you have more then one person saying the same story.

For long seconds no one moves at all. Finally Mickel came forward inch by inch with Kayla hanging tightly to his arm. “Eve?” he asked with voice cracking. “Are you okay?” Kayla finished for him. ’please be ok, please be ok,’ I looked over at Kayla. I just read her mind, okay so I’m not that crazy. “I’m…” and then I passed out.

Day after long day Eve didn’t wake up, and day after day Mickel would sit by her bed holding her hand praying to the goddess that she would wake up. Kayla couldn’t stay by Eve’s side like Mickel because he refused to talk to anyone about what happened by the Killer site. Which has been exploded by Kayla’s command. Eve just didn’t wake up, and each day Kayla and a teem of nurses have to force feed Mickel because he wouldn’t leave her side. They couldn’t take Eve to a hospital because she was announced dead weeks ago, but what Eve had done was she let go of the control all vamps have that kept them for so long letting out that killing side of them. That’s why the Killers attack them. Believe it or not the Killers where sided with the vamps long ago, fighting wars with them, killing people for food. But a vamp named Marcuse Cast started talking to small groups about how we didn’t have to kill to eat. At first people thought he was crazy they thought that if they didn’t kill that person would come after them leading a mob to kill them. Although Marcuse found the little thing in vamp spit that made the humans turn into addicts. Then in small little cliques of teen vamps came and believed him. So they kept the vampire side of them down and made addicts and started talking to other vampires about it and the small cliques turned into a world wide group. Soon the vampires stopped killing, and made wolf people troops furious.

At first there was no such thing a Killers they where called wolf people, but when vamps stopped killing the leader of the wolf people made a group called Killers to go around and take vamps turn them into Killers or have them on their side. And so the War of time continues, no treaties will be made, no truces, and no surrenders. It’s one side or the other. When Marcuse heard of this he decided to do the same, make an elite group. At that time he was dating a human and when she gave birth to the mixed child, that is where he got the idea to make the elite group. The group quickly became a race with their own language. So he named them Guards because that is what they where for.


I only learned this when Eve‘s little friend Iris told her this History. Eve let all that history go when she saw her dad. Let all of this guy’s teachings go down the drain when they started hurting Mickel. I was walking down the steps of the court house when I saw Guards come by the truck load and charge into the vamp hospital that Eve was in. I started to jog over there when I saw something fly out Eve’s window.


Something happens to your emotions when you wake up in a hospital bed then you see the person you love right there holding your hand then when he tells you that you have been in a coma-like state for the last month and a half! You might want to just lay down and rest or you might be like me, jump up from the bed and fight your way to an exit with doctors and nurses in your way. And one damn nurse called the Guard and they came by the dozens up to your floor you have no choice but to jump out your 20th floor window. But only while your falling do you realize they are not going to hurt you. Hmm well this is going to suck I think just before I hit the ground I roll to absorb some of the impact and my vamp-ness helped to but it still hurt like a b****. Then Kayla and Iris came running over to me “ohmygod! Eve Hun you just jumped from the 20th floor!” Kayla yelled with three inch Iris on her shoulder I got up “yeah I just now figured out that they aren’t going to hurt me,” Kayla and Iris laughed, then I started to laugh. And while we where all laughing Kayla and Iris walked me back into the small hospital. When we walked into my room a nurse helped me to my bed. “ Eve, well I need to tell you something,” Mickel said. I rolled my eyes “what?” I said. Mickel swallowed and continued Well we….they would like to take you to Kelly cast, Marcuse cast’s little sister” he said picking at his ratty shirt. I sighed “one, Mickel Hun I’m fine, two, who the hell is Kelly and Marcuse Cast?

I’m on another cruse, at the very front of the big boat letting the wind slap at my face. The reason you don’t see vampires in the daylight much is because we have a thing in our eyes that reflect light, like a cat, but it does it in the daylight. So we have sunglasses, but it’s easier just to stay indoors where that doesn’t happen. Where I’m headed, well that is up to Mickel, he is the one who wanted so bad for us to find this Kelly Cast. But why do we need to find him? Is this about me? Hell I’m tecnicly only Guard they don’t teach you everything in our schools, although they should. Why are they so damn important? Does this have to do with the vampire side I let out? Even as I thought about it I felt it inside me like a little demon laughing at me taunting me to let him play with him once more. I felt the urge to just let all of it go. I gasped and fell to my knees on the big boat, whats happening to me? I’ve been very hungry lately. I sat like that for a little while longer, the little demon taunting and laughing at me. Am I going crazy? Crazy with all of that power I felt? Why is it that now every time the simply talk of blood could send me into a frenzy? Did Mickel know this was going to happen to me? Does he know more then what he is letting on? Then a little boy came up behind me and asked “Do you know where my mommy is?” I felt my heart pound in my chest. I gritted my teeth trying to shut the little demon up. I heard the sweet blood running through his veins, I licked my lips feeling my fangs come down. No, no, no, I don’t want to! Just as I turned around I saw Mickel and Kayla walking up. Kayla took the little boy’s hand, smiled and said “Come on lets go find your mom,” the little boy smiled turned around and waved “Bye nice lady,” then they walked off. Mickel hauled me to my feet, saying nothing as he led me to my room. He know whats happening to me. So does Kayla. Why wont they tell me?


Emma’s lungs burned, and her legs where screaming at her to stop running, but she ran on knowing she could not stop. Emma needed to find Cameron, needed to tell him something very important, she had to tell him that Eve almost killed a little boy, but only that but there have been two more cases of reported vampires killings in the middle east. She had to tell him of my suspions that the old ways where coming back and that Eve was not the first to feel it. Emma ran into to the conference building hidden among the hundreds of homes and work places. Breezed past all the guards, and almost slammed face first into a human guard on duty “Whoa little lady where’s the fire?” The human guard had a heavy southern accent. “I have to get in there to talk to Cameron,” she said struggling in his grasp. “whoa slow down missy their in session right now, not even your have that kind of clearance to just walk in off the street, well I guess it more like running in off the street,” he said barley even having any trouble holding her down. “ I know, but this is really important, it has to do with Eve!” she yelled getting really pissed. The guard stopped. “ Eve Smithsion? The guard that turned vampire with out wanting to?” He said, he was a fricken brick wall that she could only ware down piece by little piece. “what is there another one I do not know about?” she replyed sarcastically rolling her eyes. The Guard guy moved aside to let Emma through. When she entered Camoron was standing with his fists on the table. He looked up and saw Emma, and wraped her in his arms. “I know what your thinking and I know its scary, but Eve’s only hope is Dr. cast, maybe he can teach her to control those powers before she hurts somebody really important,” What Eve didn’t know was now that the killer world knows of her vampire powers coming out, every single one of them are going to be after her. Hopeing to try and control that power for their benefit. Emma knew that the road ahead for her friend would be very difficult indeed. She only hoped that Eve would come out alive.

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This book has 2 comments.

BrettJolene said...
on Jun. 5 2011 at 3:47 pm
BrettJolene, Unda Da Stars, California
0 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
only enemies speak the truth. friends lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty ---Stephen King

thanks! i guess its kind of only a first  draft thanks for reading as much as u did tho :)

on May. 23 2011 at 2:46 pm
Ashley_Tucker, Granger, Indiana
0 articles 0 photos 66 comments

Favorite Quote:
Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real? ~ Albus Dumbledore

It seemed good, but I eventually stopped. You have alot of spelling errors that make it hard to read. Also, try to slow down the story. The first chapter could have easily been dragged out to 15 pages, but you shortened it to 1. Read my novel called Shaya's Story, please! (: