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The Forsaken
July 7, 2019
Summary:
Every year teenagers are cast out of the city if they don't reach certain requirments. Alex is one of this year's cast outs. She must find her way back to her family but returning home becomes more uncertain as the outside world is revealed to her.
Anonymous
The Forsaken
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This book has 22 comments.
Isabel_tries2write said...
on Jul. 29 at 8:43 am
Sorry my other comment is so long; I wanted to give good feedback. Pls be as nitpicky on my book when the editors let it be published.
Isabel_tries2write said...
on Jul. 29 at 8:42 am
I adore the premise so much! I just think that it could do with some sensory details to help carry the reader through. Your first few paragraphs are brimming with good ideas, but I think you need to link them with the main character in some ways. Instead of saying things up front, maybe explain how the MC (main character --you already know that, you're smart) found out. Were they young? Has the city normalized this? Has she seen how different families react to this? When you mention the teachers holding a party that might be good to show how other students are reacting --brainwashed into grins, or beginning teachers for last-minute tutorship? I'm asking so many questions because I want to know more about your world as a reader. I can tell it's so deep, show the depth of it. Show how the MC senses it. Your world is amazing, build it higher for the readers.
judejohnson BRONZE said...
on Apr. 15 2020 at 4:37 am
Nice... though I think there's another book similar to it called flawed.
adamb90970 said...
on Jan. 7 2020 at 10:58 am
Great job!
TheAwesomeG said...
on Aug. 6 2019 at 3:04 pm
The concept and world are great, and I enjoyed reading your story. However, one thing I would like to see would be to slow down the story’s little so we can understand Alex a bit more.
Ntrio said...
on Aug. 6 2019 at 2:59 pm
Are you going to make a lot more books?
RooYeah said...
on Jul. 30 2019 at 3:35 pm
You did an amazing job of writing this! I'm so happy for you! I hope you can right more!
DMC said...
on Jul. 27 2019 at 1:36 am
The story was very well written and I look forward to reading the next chapter. I’m rooting for Alex and hoping she eventually reunites with her entire family. Will her sister ultimately be cast out of the city too?
Stephaniejane said...
on Jul. 23 2019 at 10:46 am
Very engaging story! Thanks for sharing. Keep it up!
BMorganae said...
on Jul. 20 2019 at 4:27 pm
@ALWY - I'm hoping to get some more ideas and feedback before jumping into another chapter
ALWY said...
on Jul. 20 2019 at 3:35 pm
@evil_emu6 - After the first night outside the city, Alex wakes up and looks toward the rising sun and determines which way is North.
evil_emu6 said...
on Jul. 17 2019 at 12:05 pm
Awesome story! I was hooked from start to finish and absolutely cannot wait for more! One question though: How did Alex figure out which way was north? Love her as a character!
miathepsychic said...
on Jul. 17 2019 at 1:59 am
So far, I love this book! Keep up the good work!
SDC2001 said...
on Jul. 16 2019 at 4:28 pm
Interesting story with lots of details! Fun read!
LOBIE63 said...
on Jul. 13 2019 at 5:24 pm
Very Well Done! Nice Job! Great details too.
Bubbie0409 said...
on Jul. 12 2019 at 4:02 pm
I really enjoyed this story! It was well written and kept my interest. I hope you continue with this story; I want to read more!
Tlloyd said...
on Jul. 12 2019 at 3:37 pm
The story was well written. The descriptive details places the reader alongside the main character throughout the journey. It did have a "Divergent" feel to it though, but otherwise well done.
Jeff-The-GOAT said...
on Jul. 12 2019 at 11:22 am
I think the story was really good but you should make sure there are no typos. I really want the next part to this.
TheTortoise said...
on Jul. 12 2019 at 1:58 am
Like the other commenters, I cannot wait to see more. I hope more chapter are coming to keep building the plot line. So many cool angles this story can take! What happens to the other ones in the van? What happened to her family? Why was the boy killed when he tried to enter and what was the test they ran when they scanned him? What is the forsaken city like and who lives there? What is the reason for the test and what does it mean? I think this author did a great job of kicking off this story with some good hooks!
0 articles 0 photos 7 comments
Favorite Quote:
Don't expect to pick the fruit the day you plant the tree
So there are some spelling mistakes but I'm not going to mention them all, when the main character was thinking it was a bit hard to tell because I'm used to reading it italic. I also didn't know if the MC was a boy or girl but maybe I just missed that. Other than that tho it was REALLY good, also it seems a lot like the hunger games and divergent!!!! what i mean is that it could be pretty popular like those (idk if u've read them) i think just not a lot of people have seen/read this because it could totally be like those i can see that happening =)