Big | Teen Ink

Big

December 21, 2018
By 2901092fhs, Stockton, California
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2901092fhs, Stockton, California
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A cold breeze was the only thing I felt when I opened my eyes. Instantly, I knew something was wrong. I’m not in my bed, I’m not with my mom, I’m not home, but I’m not scared. The last thing I remember was my mother tucking me into bed and singing me a song with her warm, soothing voice; now I’m stuck in a tiny glazier. It wasn’t really small, but if other people see it, they’d probably think it’s small.
I tried moving but I couldn’t, the water reminded me of a hole. You might be thinking “a hole is nothing but a hole, it won’t do you harm.” but the water looked lonely, shallow, almost dead. As if I can step in and never see the light of day again. So standing was my best option. I wasn’t really scared, I kinda liked it. It reminded me of home in Topia, how everything is seen as nice and comfortable even though it’s not. War is beginning between universes in which crystals were needed for military use. The head masters, who are in charge of everyone, asked for so much crystals to a point that Topians had to give up their homes. Me and my mom were lucky enough to stay with the house, but others weren’t. So much of society became homeless that stealing was the best option for survival. Some of the stealing led to killing, and the killing was led to being a habit in Topia. People called this the year of flaws. Some Topians believe it’ll pass within a year or two; others believe it the last stage before the end of Topia began. I didn’t really know what to think, everything seems so complicated and difficult to understand that I don’t even think the adults cared anymore. But what I did know is that I was gonna change the world to good. For Topians to live in harmony, to have no wars. Someday I will-
“Zack!” I hear. “Zack Come Here!”
I turned around to see who was calling, it was my mother. Looking straight at me with a face filled with an confusing expression. One that you would see when a kid is going to get in trouble: she was scared. I was about to run towards her but then I remembered the iceberg, so I stayed in place, with the urge to run to her.
“Zack hurry!” she yelled “Before it’s too late!”
What was I going to be late for? I didn’t have anywhere to go so why was I going to be late. Maybe she’s just scared of something again, this always happens. Everytime we would go out, she’d get fidgety or impatient next to blue or yellow topians. All topians are different colors, some are blue, red, orange, yellow, and even green. They all have similar hairstyles that look like flames that are waiting to burn something down in a single touch. I didn’t have these cool looks. I’m what Topians consider a ‘humanoid’. There’s rarely any humanoids in Topia, so my species is considered “special”. All Topians seem the same to me, but there’s something about the blue and yellow Topians that my mom doesn’t like.
Suddenly the iceberg started shaking, I didn’t know what to do. I could jump for it, swim my way to mom, but the ocean still looked like a hole, so I stayed in place. I grabbed the pointy area of the iceberg so I wouldn’t fall, but the iceberg started to move, making me let go and climb my way back to safety. Somehow that made it worst, cause now I’m stuck underwater holding onto the bottom of the glazier. But being there made me realize a lot, like how being underwater is actually soothing, there’s no problems in the water, no fights, no killing, no flaws. I can see why fish like this place. It’s like a whole different world where everything's in harmony, I don’t even think half of these fish belong in this type of water temperature. The clownfish were swimming a bull sharks, the seals are roaming with orcas, even the shrimps were dancing with the tuna!
Suddenly there’s a glow, not like the type of glow on glow sticks or glow in the dark shirts, but a glow that feels like it wants your attention, sort of like a person waving a flashlight at you.
“Zack!”
“Zack come here!”
“Zack please!”
“Zack wake up!”
I open my eyes, I’m in my room. Everything looks the same as I left it. Clothes were scattered near the laundry box, my action figures are where they're supposed to be. Everything looks the same as always.
“Zack you’re going to be late to school!”
I knew that was my mom’s voice, she always has a sad tone in her voice. Many of the old ladies in my neighborhood say that she never sounded like that until my dad left. She used have a couraging adventurous voice. I couldn’t really see her with that type of voice, she didn’t really seem the part for it. But I like her voice, it calms me down when I’m scared. Like how when you stick your foot out from the bed and you think the boogeyman is gonna take so you get scared quickly put your foot back in the blanket thinking it will protect you. It’s that feeling.
I get up from the bed and go straight to bathroom. The first thing I do there is put on my hairband. That’s the only thing I do to my hair. My mom tells me to never brush my because it doesn’t suit me. When I brush it, my hair gets wavy, sort of like ocean waves. The old ladies in the neighborhood say I look just like my father and that I should do it more often. I tell them thank you, but it doesn’t suit me.
Once I’m finished in the bathroom, I head straight towards the kitchen, where I know my mom will be. When I entered, she turned around. She was wearing her everyday hospital uniform and ID, but her curly red hair was down instead of it’s usual messy bun.
“How did you sleep sweetie?” she always says.
“Good” I would say.
“Did have any good dreams”
“No”
“Ok then” she’d sigh, tired of working in the hospital. “Your breakfast is already in the counter, I have to go,” she left without another word. I ate, I got my backpack, and I went out. Once I got out, my friends came out too. They always like to hang out with me in morning. We always play games like punchies but they’re were the ones that do the punching. They also like to call me names; the names they call me sort sound like bad word my mom tells me not to say, but they tell it’s part of being friends. So I believe them.
Once I get to school, I noticed that my teacher wasn’t here. Her name is Ms. Williams. She never really taught us anything except how to read and write. Most of the times she would just sit near the window and gaze at the dusty mountain of topia as if she wanted to go there and never come back. Sort of like caged dog who never goes out to walks.
We didn’t have a teacher for two weeks because Ms. Williams quit two days before fall break. So, they decided to get a new one. The ladies name was Ms. Thought, she was recently applying to be a teacher and she was accepted right away because of her academic records. She didn’t really look like a teacher. She had poofy blonde hair that was shaved from both sides of head but the rest went to the right. Her face seemed dull, sort of like she’s been through stuff. Her eyes are light hazal, almost golden. She scared a lot of my classmates, the kid right next to me was about cry because she “looked at him scary”. I was scared too. Because when she looked at me, she looked surprised. Her face still looks serious, but a little relieved.
For the past week I’ve been having strange changes. Ever since my mom met my new teacher in back to school night, she started acting hysterical. She doesn’t let me stay after school or go outside. Even my friends started to act weird. They stopped hanging out with me in the morning and when I get close to them, they start walking fast with a nervous face.
When I get home, I do my daily routine, once I’m snuggled in my bed, ready to go to sleep, I heard arguing. It sounded like my mom, and another person that I’ve heard before but don’t remember. The arguing kept going on for a while until suddenly it stopped. I was unsure about the silence for a while, so I waited until it started again. The silence was so soothing that I fell asleep, ignoring what happened. Suddenly, I wake up in dark.
I knew I was getting carried, each step the person would take would make sort of a bouncing motion that made me go side to side. It was a little soothing, but it made my stomach feel bad so I knew I had to say something. But I couldn’t, I wasn’t big enough to face this person. I couldn’t face anyone. I can’t face a my bullies, I can’t face my teachers, I can’t face a topian, I can’t even face the glazier in my dream. How was I supposed to be a hero when I seemed so small to everyone I stand in front of. They can’t even see me without having to look down or kneel down. I started feeling sick, sick of all the thoughts going through to my head. Why is this happening to me. I know I’m small and weak but I’m not that small or weak. I just wanna considered big for once in my life. I just wish I could be big for at least one day so I can actually be respected for once in my life-
“ Come on get up, we have a universe to save Jr,” the voice said in a stern way.
It wasn’t the usual voice I would here my mom speak with. The person’s voice was most likely a lady, but she sounds stern, creepy, almost shallow. Almost as if she was just a giant hole waiting there.
For some reason I wished I was seen small to her.



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