The Last Man on Earth, I Think Not | Teen Ink

The Last Man on Earth, I Think Not

September 28, 2022
By Sophia_wierenga BRONZE, Oak Park, California
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Sophia_wierenga BRONZE, Oak Park, California
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Author's note:

I am a pre-professional dance who is exploring her creative side in writing.

I’m pregnant. Holy shiitake mushroom, I’m pregnant with Thalia’s child. How did I get pregnant? How did this happen? I slept with Thalia before, and nothing happened. It has only been a week since the last time we, you know, did the deed. How did she get me pregnant? She told me that she was unable to figure out a way for women to get other women pregnant. Did she lie to me? No, no no, no, no no, no! She wouldn’t have. She loves me. She would have told me if she had figured out a way. She talks to me about everything. I have to believe that. But what if … No! You have to stop thinking that way. You can’t let yourself think that way. I need to talk to her. Need to let her know that I am pregnant. Oh. My. God. I’m pregnant

“Babe, I’m back!” Thalia said from downstairs, snapping me out of my spiraling thoughts. How am I going to tell her? What if she walks out on me? What if … 

“You okay, Lilah? What is this?” she said, picking up the pregnancy test from on the bed. She looked down at it, furrowing her eyebrows in the process. Suddenly, her eyes widen and her gaze snaps up to meet mine, then goes back down only to meet my gaze again. 

This continues for a good minute or so, of her just switching her gaze between the test and my face. Finally, she puts the test down and hugs me. I’m in shock. Of all of the outcomes that I thought of, this was not it. I slowly start to relax into her hold as I realize that she isn’t leaving me. 

“I don’t know how you became pregnant. I did not lie to you when I said I did not find a way yet. However, that does not mean that this baby means any less to me. It is a miracle, and I am going to treat it like one. I love you. I am not going to leave you nor our baby. Whatever you need, I am here for you.” Thalia whispers in my ear, all while still hugging me tightly to her chest.

“Don’t you want to run tests -” 

“No!” Thalia said, interrupting me. “I don’t care about the why or the how. I care about you. I care about your health. More than anything that is what I care about. Well, that and our baby’s health. But science and the rest of the world can go f*** themselves in the a****** for all I care because you and our child mean everything to me. Do you understand, love?”  

“You promise that we will figure this out together?” I say softly while looking up at her.

“I promise.” 

Now, you may be confused at the moment, thinking, how did this happen? Believe me I am confused as well. To help you understand, I suspect I should go from the beginning. To set the scene, it’s the year 2032, and you reside in Plano, Texas. You work as a high school art teacher. You are well off, due to your parents leaving behind a huge inheritance. You are in mourning for your husband and newborn son, seeking comfort in your best friend Thalia, who is the lead scientist studying the virus. Now that you have some background, let’s dive right in …

Men are dying. For some reason Mother Earth said, “Screw y’all,” to the men on the planet and decided to kill them off slowly, painfully. Dr. Grace, A.K.A. my bestie Thalia, is currently on a worldwide broadcast explaining that a deadly pathogen in the water is targeting the y-chromosome, and therefore killing off the male species. This has been happening for the past three years. At first, it was only a few cases, then it started to rapidly spread. Now only an eighth of the world's population is male, and that is rapidly decreasing. The virus took my husband, Grayson last year, as well as our newborn son, William. 

I feel LuLu, my adorable golden puppy, lick my cheek. Confused, I wipe my cheek with my hand, finding a trail of tears running down my face. Everytime, you can just go one time thinking about them without crying. Can you, Delilah?! 

“Thank you for your time, I will be back for updates.” Thalia says, wrapping up her speech. Oh shiitake mushroom, that means she is on her way over because she asked if we could talk. 

You see, I have started to think of her as more than just a friend. It has become a problem. I have become so dependent on her, like I did with Grayson and now I think she has seen the change in my behavior. Oh no, is she going to break my heart and say that we shouldn’t be friends anymore? Ding! My phone makes a noise, letting me know that I just received a text. Looking at it I see a message from Thalia saying that she is on her way over, and asking if the door is unlocked? I reply with a yes and that she can come right in. 

A few minutes later, I hear the front door open and yell out, “I’m in the living room!” Thalia walks in and flops down onto the couch, in a true Thalia manner, and slows her breathing. She only slows her breathing when she is getting serious. 

Turning to me, she grabs my hands and says, “Delilah, I am just going to spit it out and hope for the best. I like you, in more than just a friend type of way. I wanted to tell you because you deserve to know and if you don’t feel the same that’s fine but …” She keeps rambling on but all I can think is, Oh. My. God. She feels the same way that I do. She feels the same! 

“I feel the same!” I blurt out, interrupting her rambling, causing her to stop with her jaw dropped and eyes wide. 

“Thank F***ing God!” she says as she grabs my face and kisses me. After about 3 minutes, she says, “Let's take this upstairs.” I nod as she grabs my hand and leads me up the stairs. Now, I think you can guess what happened next.

Thalia and I have been an official couple for a few months and things have been great. We have gone on dates and she has moved in with me. There are only 379.28 men left in the entire world. At this point, the doctors and scientists have given up on finding a cure and are now focused on making the last of the males go peacefully and focusing on how to continue on with the female population. 

Our relationship is great and even though I miss Grayson and William , I love Thalia with all of my heart just like I did him. I needed to move on, and I did. They will forever be in my heart, but now there is always room for one more. 

I have been feeling off for a few weeks now. And I thought it was a stomach bug, cause you know, that has been going around. I started to realize that I had morning sickness and crazy cravings. Like wanting pickles and peanut butter, or just Land O’ Lakes butter, not anything with it, just a tub of butter. I was also able to smell certain smells. And my mood swings, oh boy, they were on like steroids. These are all signs of pregnancy, but I couldn’t be pregnant. Could I? Shoot, I should take a test. Luckily I still have an old one that was not used, so I take it and wait for the results. My timer goes off and I look at the test with shaking hands.

I’m pregnant. Holy shiitake mushroom, I’m pregnant with Thalia’s child. How did I get pregnant? How did this happen? I slept with Thalia before, and nothing happened. It has only been a week since the last time we, you know, did the deed. How did she get me pregnant? She told me that she was unable to figure out a way for women to get other women pregnant. Did she lie to me? No, no no, no, no no, no! She wouldn’t have. She loves me. She would have told me if she had figured out a way. She talks to me about everything. I have to believe that. But what if … No! You have to stop thinking that way. You can’t let yourself think that way. I need to talk to her. Need to let her know that I am pregnant. Oh. My. God. I’m pregnant.



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