Every Time | Teen Ink

Every Time

May 10, 2016
By Cydie823, Lafayette, Colorado
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Cydie823, Lafayette, Colorado
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Author's note:

This book is about acceptance through the ages no matter what people look like, and that something worth having, like the love of your life, is worth waiting for. 

Miðvetr (1123)
I was returning from a neighboring village when I saw the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen. They belonged to a girl named Sylvi. She had golden hair that put the sun to shame. She walked past me and and smiled to which my heart stalled and I knew then that I would follow her through time and space. She was a Baugrygr, I later found out. I couldn't believe I had not noticed her beauty sooner. She was carrying a pail of water along side a few small children whom she scolded. Throughout this lifetime and when I enter Valhalla I know that she will own my heart. 

Miðsumar (1126)
My Sylvi and I were happy, but she got sick. She couldn’t get out of bed without falling over. She became pale, her sun kissed skin was gone, covered with frost. My Sylvi couldn’t eat, and I never left her side.We were happy, and I hate that it was taken from us. I wish it was I who were dying, she could be happy without me, but I fear that I cannot live if she perishes. For the first time she died, and I went with her.

I haven’t aged a day since her death. I do not know what this means, or what made me this way. I want to die, to be with my Sylvi. But whatever cruel god rules, whether it be Odin or not, he has already chosen my fate. Eternal torture without my Sylvi.

I have tried almost every way imaginable to die. To find my love and be rid of this curse of a life without my sunshine. But I cannot. Every time the black embrace of death finds me, I wake up in better condition than I was before. Guns are rather new to me, but I figured that the bullet in my skull would lead me to Valhalla. It didn’t. I rake through my memories trying to think of the sins I have committed. What have I done so awfully to deserve this life of torture. I would not wish this fate upon any man.

I was fighting in a civil war when I saw her again. I didn’t care what the fighting was about, I was just waiting for her to come again. I had found her in three life times before, and I was glad I didn’t have to wait another 200 years to see her beautiful blue eyes again. She was a maid in the mansion we were raiding. As soon as I  recognized surline eyes I ran to her. She was afraid but that didn’t stop me from dragging her to safety. I found her again and I won’t ever let go.

Just like before, my love was taken from me too soon. How am I to continue this existence when I will have to endure the death of my beloved Sylvi over and over again? Smallpox killed her this time. I don’t know why they couldn’t stop it, I stayed by her the whole time. I thought that doctors saved people, but they couldn’t save her. She was gone again, and it was time to move on. I will find her again.

I was working on building a railroad in Brazil when I met her again the work was arduous but it was mind numbing which was exactly what I needed. She was a slave, working too much for her delicate hands and gentle soul. I was furious to see her here like this. I should have found her sooner and stopped this course of her life before she went through such hardship. I was appalled and prepared to spend all of my savings over hundreds of years to get her back. I came close because she was rare and beautiful. The sun kissed her skin, the color of dry clay, and the sky was trapped in her eyes. Again she was mine, and that’s all I cared about.

I don’t know what went wrong this time. I was gone to the market for something unimportant. When I came back she was on the floor, and her body was shaking. I couldn’t wake her, or make her stop. When she finally calmed, I still couldn’t wake her, her heart wasn’t beating. She died, and I didn’t know why, but just like before, my soul went with her.

I had been educated a lot since my birth in 1106. I was a doctor in the United States when I met her again. She came into my ER and I saved her life. The stakes had never been higher for me to remember what I had learned. She had been in a car accident and I barely kept life in her. When I saw her eyes open I couldn’t catch my breath. My Sylvi was back. Her hair was chestnut and freckles dotted her nose. She thanked me before she left, but I would never let her go. I never have.

This time it was a disease called AIDs. I had heard little about it, but I knew that she wouldn’t have long. Maybe if I never meet her, she would find her own way, and live her own life. If I never forced my way in, she would live. I could watch her live her life, and she would be happy, that’s all I wanted. Maybe I could meet her children one day, that would be nice, to see a small piece of her in the world still, living and bright, I think I would like that. Even knowing that the other half of the child would not be me, but someone else she would be happy with. But I could endure that, I have endured much worse.

I found her again. She was a teacher, she was shopping with her friend. I couldn’t stop staring at her, those eyes would haunt me, they would never leave. I walked away, I walked away from the love of my life. I left her there. I forced myself to take every step. When I could breathe again I couldn’t stop myself from being angry, and sad, and frustrated, and feeling every emotion that she could center.

It was cancer this time. I won’t give up my time with her. For some reason we are cursed to live in this existence where I feel the pain of her death every single time. Where she is cursed to die, every time. But I would love her with the little time that I had with her. She is my life my soul and heart, and I will find her, every time. 

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