Sorry Doesn`t Help | Teen Ink

Sorry Doesn`t Help

May 25, 2017
By Anonymous

Author's note:

Two authors who put their thoughts into this book.


Everyone is giddy with excitement, lockers and desks are being cleaned out and there are yearbooks being signed. The smell of sharpie markers reminds me of my mom, she`s always trying to get me to make lists. I know lists help her anxiety. Marissa whines, "why do you have to leave Kansas for Colorado?" My face falls silent; I do not know the answer to that myself. In fact, I am angry at my parents that we have to move, yet again. I have just begun to make friends, like my best friend Marissa. I don’t answer. At the end of the day my mom picks me up from school, I say goodbye to all my friends


The sound of boxes and tape was finally getting to me. I sat in my room with the shades rolled down and my door closed tight. Tears began to fall as I checked the comments on Instagram of all my classmates saying goodbye.


I decide to confront my parents, "Mom," I ask, "why do we always move?"


"Well, your fathers job has him move around the country a lot." My mom replies 


"It's not fair!" I pout, "Why me?" I run to my room in such a hurry, I didn’t realize I forgot to ask what my father's job is. If only I knew.


I listen to my music until my mom comes in, "Sweetie, it`s time for bed." I don`t complain so I turn off my phone and jump in bed full set of clothes on. "Goodnight." My mom says. 


"Goodnight."


I awake to my father shutting the front door. He is loud, even from my second floor room, coming home late as always. I quickly drift back to sleep. 


The morning comes with the bright light gleaming through my window. I could hear the toons of my mother singing "somewhere over the rainbow" in the shower. She has anxiety so every time we move she likes to sing to calm down her anxiety attack. The U-Haul comes into our driveway. "Ma! U-Haul is here!" I call. My mother comes downstairs. Eyes bloodshot and hair frizzy.


"Get your butt moving and start putting my boxes in the truck!" I watch as Mom`s eyes tear up.


She barely stutters out, "I love you.", before she runs out the door. I quickly scuttle out when I see my mom driving away in her minivan. I know she is probably just wanting to get away from the stress so her anxiety levels aren`t as high. I finish packing up the last few boxes into the U-Haul in a hurry. Ma still isn`t back and it`s already lunchtime. I`m starting to worry. Just as I head inside, a police man calls out to me flashing his badge.  


"Hey! Are you Cameron Grey?" 


"Uh, y-yeah." I stumble knowing this could not be good. 


"I, well, I`m sorry for your loss." He says, sincerely. 


"W-what do y-y-you mean?" I utter. 


"Your mother..." He hesitates, "she`s dead." 


That hits me hard. My eyes swell up as tears flood down my flushed face. "How?" I interrogate, tears still shedding. 


"She was found dead in her car on Spring Rd with a drug over dosage. I`m really sorry. Do you know what that means?" He asks like I`m 5. The anger catches up to me from all those times my dad would yell at Mom. As tears flow steadily I yell at the man, a stranger. 


"Sorry doesn`t help. And don`t act like I`m a 5-year-old, and yes we learned about drug over dosage in school! And don`t act like you know what I`m going through because you don`t know! You don`t!" I continue to cry as he stands there shocked. We stare at each other, silent. I hear the birds tweeting their solemn song. I would love to be a bird wild and free from the life that defines me. Then he answers. 


"You`re right, I don`t know what you are going through, but I have had enough tough times to know that it is tough. I lost my Mother too, she was shot by a thief who broke into our house. And that`s why I became a cop. So I can protect the ones I love, and so many more." I can even see his eyes watery and glassy, not from the bright gleaming sun. Then my father yells,  


"Get your butt in here!"  


The police officer walks toward the door to talk to my father. "I have some news, your wife died in a car crash with a drug overdose." You can see the shock on my dad`s round chubby face. It soon fades to anger. "I have a search warrant to search your home for any illegal content.", the officer continues. 


"Cameron! Why don`t you show the man around?", my father demands. 


"Sir, I can`t help but notice you don`t seem to be phased with your wife`s death." The officer makes a point. My father defends himself. 


"My wife had really bad anxiety and it was going to be sooner or later when she found drugs." His face starts to turn red, I can tell he`s losing it. 


"Mr. Grey, can you show me around your house please?" The cop continues to pester, emphasizing the you.  


"Fine," my father gives in, "come on inside. Would you like anything to drink?" 


"No thanks, just show me around. Why don`t we start with your room?" They go upstairs and take a right turn into my Father`s room.  I hear a click as my father turns the safety off the gun he must have been hiding. The cop acts quickly, his training pays off. POP! The gun goes off I hear my dad cry out after being shot in the arm. His gun dropped to the floor make a loud thud. AHHH! Another bullet shoots toward my father, hitting him in the thigh. AHHH! I stand quiet, then finally let out the breath I didn`t know I was holding. 


The officer finds the drugs my father stowed away and while cuffing him he says to my father, "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you at government expense." 


My father says and does nothing as he is lead out of my house. The cop drives away after calling the Colorado foster system. Soon another car comes in the driveway and within a couple hours, I was placed in my first foster home.  


I step foot in the house full of strange faces that stare. Every kid in the foster system is called the kid who got unlucky, they got the raw end of the deal with who their parents are. But everything happens for a reason and there are reasons for who my parents are, they`re the people who define me and now without them, I'm lost.  


Rich is an understatement, these people are loaded. I don’t belong here, back home we didn’t even have half the things this family has. But its only temporarily, before they find me a relative I can live with. 


I make my way up to the stair case that towers above me. I find a boy around my age that looks nothing like my foster mom Lana, he is olive skin and she is pale, he has brown hair she has blond. "You must be Cameron," he was sweaty as he spoke breathy, "Your room is across the hall from mine." He pointed me in the general direction.   


As I enter the room the boy trails behind me. "My name is Carlos by the way." I nob my head hoping he would get the hint to leave me alone. "Between you and me I was overwhelmed when I first came here, it was very different than what I was used to back in my old foster home, but you will get used to it" 


"You’re a foster kid?" I asked trying to not act surprised. 


"Was a foster kid, but last year this family adopted me." He corrected. "So what's your story?" 


"What story?" 


"Every foster kid has a story. My story is that I was in the foster care system for all my life due to a mentally ill mother and drug addict father." 


"Well I don’t have a story I'm only here until they find me a relative to live with."  


"And your parents?" 


"Nothing, they`re fine." I am not ready to tell a stranger anything about me. 


"I know you might think they did nothing wrong but it had to be something that made you get here, when I first got here I was just like you, I didn't want to  admit what my parents did was wrong but just know it's not your fault that you’re here, it`s theirs." But it was my fault that my mom had an anxiety attack, having to deal with a child like me along with the bruises my father gave her. Carlos sat on the edge of my mattress as I began to put my cloths away. The wondering feeling comes across me, questioning when he was going to leave me to my thoughts. Luckily Lana called us all for dinner before he could continue with his interrogation. 


When I reached the top of the stairs Carlos pushed me aside and started sliding down the railing of the spiral staircase.  


"Are you for real!" I yelled at him for nearly pushing me down the stairs.  


"If you're going to be here for a while, you`re going to have to get used to it."  


"What is that supposed to mean?" 


"It means that if you had a relative that wanted you, they would be here by now." I decided not to comment back for I was not about to show this family that I was about to cry. But no such luck. Tears stung my eyes like the sting of a bee. They began to trickle down my face slowly and by the time I was all the way down the stairs I was an absolute mess. Lana flashed a look of concern in my direction but didn’t say anything .Throughout the dinner everyone was quiet and uncomfortable, I could see in their  eyes they wanted to ask me questions but didn’t know how to. I  excused myself to my room after I scarfed down my dinner. Of course, Carlos follows me into my room. 


"Look, I didn’t mean what I said." He apologies. But I wasn’t looking for an apology I was looking to get out of here. 


"Sorry doesn't help." I told him.  


The night passed slowly, I laid on my bed for most of the night staring at the celling. By the time morning came there was a pounding on my bedroom door. It was Lana.  


"Time to wake up, you have school." I groaned at the words school. Being miles away from home makes me have to transfer to a new one.  


I throw on a pair of ripped jeans and a crop top then headed down stairs. As I reach the bottom step everyone was already eating breakfast. 


"Can I wear that mom?" Jenna pointed at me as she asked her mother. Jenna is Lana's biological daughter who is a year older than me. 


Lana's answer was simple, "No." She then changed the conversation, not leaving any room for negotiation. 


"Carlos is going to show you around your new school and I'm going to work on getting you all set up" I say nothing just give a brief nod of understanding.  


We get to school right before the bell was about to ring. As promised Carlos walks me to class.  


"I`ll see you after class, since we both have study hall then." Not feeling real talkative I just give a small nod in appreciation.  


Walking into class is very awkward, there are a group of girls who glance in my direction then whisper something. I take a seat in the back at an empty table. The entire class was boring and awkward with everyone staring at me. As the bell rings a girls approaches me. 


"So you`re friends with Carlos." She doesn’t ask she assumes. 


"I guess you could say something like that." With that she turns on her heels and walks away. Just like Carlos said, he was waiting outside the classroom. We started walking down the hall silently. Everyone around us are staring in our general direction.


"Carlos, why is everyone staring?" He said nothing just started walking faster. We make it into study hall and he finds a group of jocks to sit by and I find an empty table in the back again. I feel the stares from all across the room. I look down at my biology homework.

 


Next year...

 


I feel a tap on my shoulder. It`s Carlos, he leans in for a kiss. "No kissing in school!" Mrs. Schmidt yells to us.


"I guess you will have to wait for after school." He smirks.


"You mean you will!" I laugh. I will turn eighteen in less than a year and I can finally move out and live on my own. Lena and her family offered to adopt me but that was after the fact that Carlos and  I started seeing each other. We will be going to college soon and who knows what will happen then but all I know is life will continue to give me new adventures that I know I can handle. 

 


      In the future...

 


"Carlos!" I yell, "Change Lewis`s diaper!" Marie comes running up to me, "Mommy, can you play with me?" She tugs at my shorts. 


"Yeah, in a little bit. Ok sweetie?"  "Ok" she scuttles away to draw in her room. I always love her drawings. They look better than a four year old would usually be able to create.  


"Ready?" I hear Carlos saying to Lewis. Lewis is one years old and loves being lifted like he is flying. He also seems to enjoy making messes for me to clean up. "Ahh! You pooped!" Carlos laughs heartily. Carlos goes to work in a few hours, I make him a ham sandwich, grab an apple, and throw them into his lunch box. He always gets hungry when teaching math to the ninth graders. He works at Grayson Middle, the same place where we went to high school together. It still is run by Mr. Foss, but he is retiring after this year. Carlos put in an application for principal next year. 


I go to play house with Marie, her patience awes me. "Bye honey." I say to Carlos when he leaves. 


"Bye." He tries to kiss me but I stop him.


"No kissing at school." I say, mocking him.


"But we`re not at school." He gets his kiss after all.
 



Similar books


JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This book has 0 comments.