My eyes are open, but I don't want them to be. I want them to feel droopy and not awake. I'm in a bed, smaller than my own. The quilted comforter is soft and the dinosaur themed sheets are thick cotton. My head rests on a pillow that is a little too flat for my comfort, but it will do. I take a deep breath, trying to get my body to be more relaxed than it already is. I'm in that annoying position when you feel tired, but your brain clearly isn't. Something pokes my side. A little finger with innocence and too much energy. 

"What Hale?" I say to my 6 year old brother.

"How much time until we can get up?" he responds with hope in his eyes. It's the third time that he has asked this within the past two minutes. 

Flash Back 

It is January 16th, 2023 and I am 16 years old. My newly teenage brother, Kallen, and I arrived at my mom's house late in the morning. The sun is out, shining brightly down on us and the fresh snow. I close my eyes, not used to this intense white color that surrounds us. I open them again as Kallen and I wave goodbye to our dad as we walk up to the front door. 

"I cannot wait to see Hale!" Kallen says with excitement. 

"Me too! I do have a few things to do today though so I won't be able to hang with you guys right away okay?" I reply feeling disappointed in myself. 

"Even on our day off of school you have work to do?!" He says with much confusion. 

"Well yes, it's hard to describe, but I just need to get a few things done and then I promise I will be free the rest of the day." I reply knowing that some of this work isn't necessary, but my OCD brain forces me to think that I can't have fun until all my work is done. 

"Alright, whatever" Kallen responds with just a slight amount of annoyance so that I can hear it. 

"Sorry" I say, because I truly am. 

It's a weird thing about me, but in moments like this I get so frustrated with myself. Sure it will feel good to get the productive things done and then have fun, but at the same time all I want to do is be able to not care about these little things and instead focus on the better things I could be doing. I love off days of school, that's a no brainer, but why can I not just enjoy a day with doing as little as possible instead of trying to get ahead all of the time?

We walk in through the annoying screen door that always closes too quickly for us to get all of our bags in. His face is immediately there just like a dog's.

"Hey Hale!" Kallen and I both say in unison.

"Helloooo" he replies in his little kid voice, where everything you say is more funny when you say it like you're singing. 

 My actual dog appears at my legs sniffing my pants. Layla is her name. Her almost seal-like eyes meet mine and a smile appears on her face. Her tail wags not quite side to side, but more like a windmill turning quickly in the wind. I bend down to pet her and rub my favorite part of her face. The part right below her eyes and to the sides of her nose. 

"Hello puppy" I whisper to her. 

I head up the stairs to put my bags down and organize my room. I haven't been at this house in three days and somehow I still find things that shouldn't be where I want them to be. I hear my brothers already talking about what they are all going to do today and just as I think they have forgotten about me, Hale calls my name. 

"Maddie, do you want to play Mario Party?!" he shouts from the floor below. 

"I can't yet buddy, but I promise I will later!" I replied. 

Saying the words "I promise" instantly puts pressure on myself. I am someone who will always keep my promise, no matter how big or small it is. I then realize that Hale never responded. He is probably used to it by now. I take a few breaths and begin the grind of homework. 

After about two and a half hours I am finally done. Today was one of those good days homework wise, where I am able to stay focused the whole time and understand what I am doing. I head downstairs for lunch and finally do what I have been wanting to do all day. 

"Hale, can I have a hug please?" I ask with so much hope, but also with doubt knowing he might completely reject me. 

"Fineee" he says. 

I love hugs from Hale. The way his arms squeeze my neck and the way his head rests on my shoulder. He knows how much I love them too because sometimes I begin to let go, but he doesn't. I always assume that I hug too long and that he is uncomfortable and annoyed, but many times I have been wrong and he hugs me just a few more seconds longer. This happened to be one of those times. 

"Thank you Hale" I say, letting him end the hug. 

"Can you play now?" he asks me. 

"I can!" I shout, so excited to spend the rest of the day with him and Kallen. 

We spend most of the late morning, going into the afternoon, playing video games together and spending some time outside. We took a nice walk only half way around our block because the wind was so brisk it felt like pellets of ice were being whipped at your face. We all make the decision to cut through our neighbors yard. Running and laughing like we're making some dangerous getaway. After we arrive home I decide on being somewhat of a mom and suggesting that Hale takes a nap. He agrees, but isn't the happiest with me after. I am feeling a bit tired myself, my eyes are heavy and I feel my shoulders droop. How can I make this nap fun?

"Hale, would you like to have a nap sleepover?" I ask him, a smile on my face proud of myself for coming up with the idea. 

"Yes! But wait, you can have a sleepover at nap time?" he asks. 

"Well yeah! I guess so. That's what we're going to do" I respond, hoping it's convincing enough.

The walls are army green with stripes of white cream. The carpet is short stumbles that would leave marks on your knees. The wood furniture leaves the smell of oiled wood. The right window remains cracked open, only by an inch, to let the cool breeze from outside into the naturally warm room. The bottom bunk is encaved. You feel safe when sleeping in this bed, enclosed by the creaky ladder that leads to the top. The safest place to go when thunder booms and lighting strikes. 6 year old Kallen used to sleep in this bunk, always leaving room for his 9 year old sister, in case she needed some company during a storm. Now he has moved to the top and I no longer come here when the rain pours. This is Hale's bed now, safe and loved with his older brother just above his head. I come here now not for the same reasons of the past, but rather to give hugs goodnight or take late afternoon naps. I feel calm and comforted in this room that is not mine, with the mini couch and dim lamp that shines. Never alone with at least one brother by my side. 

 Hale's head is to my right. His body keeps fidgeting, trying to prove to me that he doesn't need to nap. He is such an interesting little boy. He lays to my side and just stares. His big, walnut colored eyes blink as he looks around his room. He talks to himself, but not out loud, a very quiet whisper is what you will hear through your ear. I have my back to him because once we make eye contact I know that him and even I will burst into giggles. He has already asked me multiple times when we can get up. Everytime I say no he just reacts with an accepting sigh. I eventually made a promise to only nap for 15 more minutes. For proof that I am not lying, I set a timer. 

"Alright Hale, 1:15pm to 1:30pm" I told him. 

The 15 minutes go by much too quick. I still feel like I could sleep for just a few more minutes. My body isn't ready to move yet. I turn to face him. 

"Hale, could we sleep for just one more minute?" I ask, with the same hope in my eyes that he had when asking me to get up. But before he even says anything, his body springs up and he gives me a very serious look. His left eyebrow goes higher than his right, and his hands open widely in question as he says to me, 

"Come on, let's enjoy today!" 

I freeze for just a few heartbeats, completely shocked at what this little boy has just said to me. It's almost like he knew what I had been dealing with lately and how hard it is for me to be present. At first I didn't know how to respond, but I knew that he was exactly right. The stress in the back of my mind and the lists made up in my head vanished. We should all enjoy each and every day that we have on this Earth because there is so much good you can find. My cheeks became lifted with a smile as my eyes looked at him with such awe. So with that I responded, 

"Yes Hale, let's enjoy today!"