The Home I Once Called My Own | Teen Ink

The Home I Once Called My Own

April 26, 2017
By ashyten22, Eugene, Oregon
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ashyten22, Eugene, Oregon
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Author's note:

I had a pretty tough childhood, so i decided to write something that could in tern sum up my life. 

The Home I Used To Know.
The pain of hearing your mother weep in the late hours of the night is the same pain I experience now. My heart aches and my muscles feel tense from the sobs that wracked my body just a few minutes ago, my hair’s a mess and mascara has dried on my once damp cheeks. I sit on the side of my bed, my feet hanging down brushing my white carpet below. My mind is racing and I can barely breath. I hear footsteps in the the kitchen and the sound of glass connecting to skin. I hear my mother screaming my step dad's name as the feeling of dread washes over me, knowing she’ll be coming for me next. I feel like i’m in my own horror film trying to survive day to day life, knowing that the monster could get me at any moment.
I’m jerked away from my thoughts when I hear the sound of fists on my door. Tears form in my eyes and i know what’s going to happen next
“come in” i squeak. The door opens and my mom comes in, her eyes are glazed over and her pupils are so big you can hardly see her irises. I quickly wipe the tears away so I don’t look vulnerable, she slowly walks over to my bedside and sits down, her breath smells strongly of alcohol and she already has a bruise forming below her left eye.
“Hi” she says her voice trembling
“hi mom” I say as confidently as I can. She glares at me for a moment and then stumbles out of my room, the door closes and my body relaxes tears begin to stream down my cheeks and onto the ground.
I wake up to the sound of my alarm clock, I don’t remember falling asleep. I get myself out of bed and head to the bathroom to get myself ready.
As i walk to school I put on a happy face, school is my safe haven, i feel like nothing could go wrong, i’m secure and i have people who love me unlike my “family.”
As the day progresses my mood changes from, depressed and suicidal to happy and giddy. I love life when i’m here, my school is much different from other schools, you have two teachers that work alongside each other and you stay in the same classroom for the whole day. Even though i’m in highschool we still have recess, it’s really nice. I only have about 15 people in my class, so this means we’re all friends and are almost always nice to each other, out of these 15 people I have one best friend name’s leo. He’s 6’3 and super sweet and dorky, he’s always been there for me; when things get hard at home he’s always texting me, comforting me, and has never let me down. I’m sitting, eating lunch with Leo under a big oak tree right next to the playground.
“Hey leo?” I ask as tears begin to sting my eyes
“hmm?” he responds while turning his head to look at me
“do you think I could stay the night at your place tonight?” I ask trying not to let my salty tears slip out of my eyes
“of course you can zara, me and my parents love you! You’re always welcome to stay at my home.” A few hours later i’m walking home to my house to tell my mother I won’t be home and I won’t be able to have dinner with her and dad.
I’m praying that she’s asleep, I get my key out and open my door, as I cross the threshold there’s no sound coming from within. I grab a pencil and paper and write a note to my mom telling her that I won’t be there for dinner and i’ll be at leo’s house.
I grab a few clothes for tomorrow and head out to start my 20 minute journey. There are two paths that you can take you to the same place, there’s the path through the woods and the path that goes through town, the path that goes through the woods is much faster and prettier. The things that are going on at home, i’m not sure whether or not they’re normal from what I see when I go over to leo’s house my home shouldn’t be the way it is. A tree branch snaps lurching me out of my thoughts, I look around but don’t see anything or anyone. It’s almost dusk now and i’m still 15 minutes away from leo's house so I decide to jog there, as I run my lungs begin to burn and my calves are on fire, however I don’t mind the wind hitting my face and the sound of cars fading in the distance is nice, I feel free. I finally get to Leo's house I look down at my phone and see it’s 6:30 and I surprisingly have no angry messages from my mom. I knock on the door and leo answers
“Hey zara, we saved some dinner for you” leo says in a chipper tone, my heart melts when I hear this
“You didn’t have to do that” I say
“Oh yes we did i know you haven’t eaten dinner yet, you’re probably starving”
I look down and my stomach growls
“Ah as I suspected” he says chuckling a bit I feel my face get hot and I punch him in the shoulder.
We talk about school and our crushes just everything best friends would discuss we watch a few movies and make a cake for dessert. I end up falling asleep in his leo's arms on the couch. It’s really nice to have a friend who i can totally be myself with. I awake to screaming and things breaking, I look around and see that my mom is screaming at leo's mom and my heart sinks. Adrenaline fills my body and  i’m up in half a second, my mom looks over at me
“Oh good. You’re awake” she spits at me with fiery venom
“Why are you here?” I already know what the answer to that will be
“I was looking for you” she says
“Okay then let's go home” I say trying to get her to stop ruining my only friends home.
She just glares at me, all of a sudden she pulls a shiny object out of her pocket and the next thing I know I feel a cold blade sinking into my stomach. I look at her as tears well in my eyes, I can hear leo and his mom screaming at my mother and yelling for someone to call 911.
I look at my mother, her long chocolate brown hair, her dilated eyes, her cute flower nose ring, I feel myself falling but never feel the impact of the carpeted floor below. Blood leaks from my open wound and the flashbacks start, I see me as a little girl running through a field chasing my mom and dad, I see me as a pre-teen getting my first pet, a bunny I named louis, I see myself sitting on that bed muscles aching from the sobbing, hair a mess as tears slowly fall to the white carpet below. 

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