When I was 9 years old I thought that I came from my mother's garden. My grandma preached to me all my life that babies were made when couples planted a raspberry bush in the backyard and in 9 months they went to go gather their newborn.  On my 10th birthday when I was blowing out the candles I prayed for a child and to my surprise I didn’t get one. I cried for days and on the 5th I got a Luvabella toy baby. On the tenth day her arm came off and I buried it in the soil.
                       “ Dude, Mrs. Zolle is coming, cover it up,” Adam whispered.  
                         I was the hand out monitor and my job was to make sure all the 4th graders got their multiplication charts. I always hated math, all I needed to know was basic addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. I doubt that when I’m at a restaurant they will ask me to find x in order to eat my chicken and broccoli. Plus math keeps changing, when I would study with my grandma she taught me how to divide simply now my brother divides using a box. I slowly made my rounds handing the charts to every table. When I got to table 4 everyone was laughing.
                       “ Hey Elizabeth, wanna see my new puppy?” Ken asked.
                          My smile went from ear to ear, nothing could possibly go wrong with dogs.     They are adorable, but instead of being met with the white fur of a husky I saw a girls head in a guys lap. I was so confused, everyone’s eyes were glued to my face awaiting a reaction. I didn’t know what any of it was. Were they fighting?
                         “ And they say Kim Kardashian has no talent,” Jason said.
                         “ Elizabeth you don't know what it is?” Adam asked me.
                               He handed me the phone and I kept staring at it, it looked weird yet intriguing. I took the charts and sat down at my table. I tried focusing on 10x10 but my mind wandered elsewhere.
                             
                       ¨ Elizabeth it is so good to see you again,¨ Adele´s mother said. “ She's upstairs dear, go ahead.”
                               I wandered all around the house. The rooms were decorated aqua blue and the tables were glass,  it was so pleasing. At my house everything was s*** brown except for the walls, they were booger green. I was so afraid to sit I honestly believed I would stain something. I acted the most proper at Adele's, she was 2 years older than me and obviously smarter. I wanted her family to like me so every-time I ate lunch I sat with my legs crossed with my napkin on my lap.
                         “ Adele!” I walked over to her and gave her the biggest hug. It was as if I haven't seen her in decades when our last play date was 2 days ago.
                        “ I just got the new barbie dream house, let's play.¨
                           I always felt a bit of jealousy when it came to all the stuff she had. Her dad worked at google so he made bank. She always got the latest computers and phones, while I owned a small pink Nintendo.
                         “ You can be Ken I´ll be Barbie,” she said handing me beach boy ken.
                          “ Ken let's stay home today,” she said.
                            “ I thought we were going to the beach,¨ I said in a deep voice referring to my swim trunks.
                               She grabbed Ken out of my hands and brought him to bed. He could barely fit in the dream house. She took her Barbie and started banging them together.
                             “ Why are they fighting,¨ I said turning my head sideways.
                              “ This is sex,” she giggled.
                                Her cheeks turned light pink and I started to laugh along. I had no idea what it meant but I didn’t want to look stupid. I turned my head to the door and widened my eyes.

                              “ Hey mom what’s sex?”
                                I was sitting in front of her as I was writing my essay. I casually wrote on my paper and looked up to her green eyes.
                                “ Oh… It’s your gender. For example, your brother is a boy and you are a girl.”
                               “ Your lying Adele said it’s two people together!” I yelled throwing a mini tantrum.
                                 At the time I didn’t realize what I was asking her, I cringe every time I think about it. A child’s innocence is beautiful but hilarious at the same time. It’s weird to think at one point I knew nothing and now I know more than I would like to.
                               “ You’re not old enough sweetheart, grandma was just joking about the garden. One day I’ll tell you.”
                                  Is it wrong that to this day I never got a solid response as to what it was? Growing up you don’t really have things taught to you instead new things brought up in everyday conversation.
                                 The next day at recess I grabbed my hula hoop and went to search for Adele, the investigation was not over yet. I saw her skipping rope next to the monkey bars and joined her as Maria and Claire held the ends.
                                 “ Hey Elizabeth,” Adele said rolling her eyes. “ Did you tell your parents what I said? ”
                                 “ No,” I said, making my hands partially sweaty.
                                 “ Really, then why did my mom have a conversation with me about a woman's body.”
                                  “ Ew,” I said holding back my laughter.
                                   That response just brought up more questions, I didn’t know women changed. I thought one day you woke up and you looked like Megan Fox. Now I know that's wrong according to the acne on my face.  I purposely tripped on the rope and brought her under the slide. In elementary the slide was where everything happened. Cole had his first kiss under the jungle gym, Mark twisted his ankle by the fire pole and Nasiba was going to marry Jayden at 12:30.
                                  “ What is it anyway? ” I said playing with my nails.
                                   “ You don’t know?”
                                    I have never felt this dumb in my life. The last time I felt this stupid was in 3rd grade when everyone said the answer to the english project was A. and I choose C. The last time I felt this stupid was when my brother who is 2 years younger than me could comprehend the math question I was sitting hours to solve.
                                   I then proceeded to explain to her the garden and my grandmas lies. By the end of it she was grabbing at her stomach and howling louder than a wolf on a full moon. I felt embarrassed. Was this something everyone knew about but me, I hated being the odd one out! I was always the last girl stuck on a problem and never knew about the newest trends like shorts over leggings and twinkletoes.
                                 “ Just tell me,” I said pouting.
                                “ Alright, alright, it's how we were made. Our parents did that.”
                                   I brought her to the bench and sat her down.
                                 “ How does it work?” I asked.
                                   We looked like 2 old women  gossiping about our failing marriages. Adele then went into detail about  the process that created me. It kind of freaked me out a little knowing that they went through this two times to create Dylan and I. From a young age I always wanted kids, 5 boys to be exact but I didn’t wanna do that. It sounded dirty.
                                  “Wow,” I said looking from left to right making sure no one heard our conversation.
                                     “ I know right,” she said crawling closer to me.

                                        As I was doing my homework I kept stealing glances at my mother and grandma  as they cleaned the fruit for me. The peel of the orange came falling down onto the white porcelain plate one by one. The liars, How dare they scream at me to tell the truth when they don’t do the same.
                                      When I was 7 I thought the candies at the counter where you check out were free, so I grabbed a kit-kat. Nothing compares to the 4 waffle treats. I was on my way out and remembered my mother’s speech on sharing. I waved the red wrapper in front of her face and she had a fit. I said I got it from home but she didn’t believe me. She dragged me back into the store and brought me to a security guard who yelled at me, he made me cry him a river while 30 passing people watched. But I’m the bad guy...
                                     “ Will you ever tell me yourself?”
                                     “ Yes,” she said staring at the bruised peach.
                                     “Your a liar mom,” I whispered under my breath.
                                     “ Excuse me,” she said.
                                     “ Leeza, how dare you speak to your mother like that. We’ve been spoiling you lately huh,” my grandma said in broken english.
                                      I rolled my eyes so far back I think they got stuck for a moment.
                                     “ You are not old enough for the truth. You don’t need to know unless you plan on having a child and your too young! ” Mom said slamming the table.
                                      “ Everyone at school knows but me it’s embarrassing.”
                                      “ If all your friends jump off of a bridge, will you?”
                                        I hated that excuse. Obviously not, I wouldn’t even care if we’re blood related see you on the flip side fool. I’m my own person and as my own person I wanna know what everyone else knows.
                                      “ Go to your room,” she whispered.
                                       “ Ma...” I whined.
                                       “ Go to your room!” She yelled.
                                        I picked up all my books and threw them into my Hannah Montana backpack. My tiny feet made the loudest echoes as I marched up the stare’s. I slammed my door knowing it annoyed my mom and threw myself on my bed.
                                      “ Oooooh, mom’s coming,” my brother teased.
                                         I threw my pillow at him.
                                      “ Elizabeth you were out of line,” my mother said emerging from the staircase.
                                        “ Why can’t you tell me,” I cried, snot leaking from my nose.
                                           I was having one of those cries where you’re hyperventilating every sentence as your boogies run down your face. One of the cries where you’re basically yelling at yourself which makes it worse.
                                       “ Elizabeth Anne Narcia- Goodman, take a breath.” my mom said patting my back. “ Sweetie look, your young and you don't need to know everything about the world yet. I wish I could go back to your age. When I was younger I didn’t have these discussions with my mom, we were very religious and conservative. I know you have questions but I don't know if I’m ready to answer them.
                                          At 10 years old I didn’t really understand what my mom was telling me. I thought she was just spilling bullshit from her mouth to make me feel better. Was I ready to have these talks with her, I know I can come to her for anything but to what extent does anything go.

                                         “ Mom you will not believe what Danny said about Suzies, sisters, cousin Maria. She such a thot… So basically.”
                                             The answer is everything.