Take a good look at me right now. How would you describe me if you only just met me today? Would you say quiet? Non-social? Serious? A loner? Then you have a good observation, as I would fit into all of these descriptions. What about acquaintances, people who know my name, recognize me, and know some of the things I’m good at, but don’t know much beyond those details? They would add on to the description, saying that I am a good drawer and productive. What about close friends? They would add ‘intelligent’ and ‘kind’. What about family? They would add more to the list, descriptions like ‘logical’, ‘someone who likes video games’, ‘a slow but productive person’, and ‘someone who likes a good anime and cartoon’. However, amongst these people, only my family knows who I used to be. I have a confession. This quiet, serious girl you see right now used to be an outgoing girl ten years ago.

If you were to say to my five-year-old self that she would become someone who does not like hobbies that involve exercising, she would proudly say she would never be someone like that. I would not blame her, for she is someone who loves being active, whether it is outside or inside. Put her in a playground and she would be running around happily like there is no tomorrow. Keep an eye out for her though, for she may try to climb on the poles of the playground equipment. Put her in a gym during recess and she would be playing tag with friends. That was how she always was, that is, until the incident occurred.

I do not remember when that incident occurred, but it was sometime during first grade, when it first happened. As a child, I was a very picky eater and would refuse to eat certain foods, even if my parents forced me to. Also, I did not consume a lot as a child, for food did not spark an interest in me to eat more, so I only ate whatever portion I was given. Looking back, I kind of wished my five-year-old self would at least be mature enough to understand that her diet has to be consistent in order to be healthy. Unfortunately, she was not old enough to understand and fainted for the first time during a picnic at the school’s playground during the last week of school. That faint was not sudden, though. Through her eyes, her vision slowly became blurry and dark, until she was blind and could not keep walking anymore from the lack of energy. Fortunately, after consuming some foods with sugar, she was back to normal in no time. She thought this would be the end of those fainting symptoms, but no. It was far from over.

While it did not occur commonly, the fainting continued over my lower and middle school years. The more I encountered them, the more I got scared. I became so scared of feeling fainting symptoms that I decided to not run around as much. Although the situation could have been handled better, I thought the solution would work. In addition, I made sure to carry some candy with me in case I felt any signs of fatigue. Unfortunately, not being active just to avoid fainting changed me drastically. I did not like to run around a lot. The playground did not have the same appeal to me as it did when I was five. As time went on, I became less and less active, only doing physical activities if it was a requirement. It was not until sometime around middle school that my father had me eat more than I normally used to and consistently as well. Surprisingly for me, it actually worked, as I rarely encountered any symptoms of fainting. I can never get rid of the fainting all together, but I do not have to worry about it as much as I did during my childhood. However, by the time my father helped me find the solution to my fainting problems, I was already someone who prefers playing video games instead of playing outside and being active. It was too late to change that factor.

Looking back at my childhood, there were many things I regretted doing and many things I wished I did to make my life a lot easier. Considering that I changed from someone who likes being active in the outdoors to someone who just wants to stay inside playing video games, I am not sure if I regret that decision to run as little as possible to prevent any fainting symptoms. According to a chaos theory called the butterfly effect, small causes can result in large effects or differences in a later state. In other words, every little choice I make changes the course of my life for better or worse. Hearing about this theory, I began wondering what my life would be like if I stayed being the outgoing girl my five-year-old self was. Would I be competing in some sports team? Would I become more social? Would I be the complete opposite of my current self? Who knows what my life would have been like? The fact is, I will never be able to live that life, as nobody can go back in time and change any decisions they might have regretted making. Right now, all I can do is make proper and wise choices the best I can and live my life as the current person I am today.