So of course we all have a birth mother. But that doesn’t mean they have to be classified as your mom, right? My birth mother’s name is Chandra. Yes, she gave birth to me, but she’s not my mom. I will never classify her as my mother. Yes, she has many times told me she loves me, but I have yet to see her prove it. 

When I was three I was adopted. My birth mother didn’t think she could handle taking care of me without my dad;who was in  jail for distribution of narcotics. I was  two but  I can still  remember seeing the police knocking down the door and putting my dad in handcuffs. After that I was adopted.

People often say that kids who are taken away from their birth parents still have love in their hearts for their mother because of the bond that they created when in the  womb. Honestly, she lost that love a long time ago. It hurts me to say this because I would love to have a relationship with her. You can’t  make people do things that they are not capable of doing on their own. I tried to have a relationship with her but she ruined it with her actions.

Two years ago we were supposed to go on a trip to Hawaii. She knew for almost the whole year that she needed to save money for this trip. About a week away  from trip time I called her. She didn’t answer the first and second time I called. So I tried a third time. She finally answered.

“Hey baby girl.”

“ Hey, I have a question.”

“ What’s your Question.”

“Well, I was just wondering if you had the money to go to Hawaii with me in a week?”

 When she replied that she was unsure if she would have enough money to go,  I became angry. She knew for six months that we were going on this trip and she decides to wait until  the last minute to figure out if she has enough money?  She called me two days before we were going to leave for the trip. I thought, “YES” she’s calling to say she has the money and is ready to go. No. She called to tell me two days before we were scheduled to  leave that she can’t go because she didn’t have enough money to go. I was very upset. I ended up going to Hawaii with my guardians and siblings.

Ever since then I haven’t heard from her. She hasn’t called me, hasn’t even tried to apologize or talk to me at all. Our relationship was fairly  good until she ruined it. She comments on my mom’s pictures on Facebook that I’m so grown up and smart. She doesn’t know. She hasn’t been here to see me grow up. She acts like she knows all of her kids, but she really doesn’t. She makes me so mad. People always ask me who my mom is. Do you know what my answer is?

My mom is... The one everybody sees at the school. The one who asks me how my day went. The one who raised me. The one who pays all of my expenses.  The one who loves and cares so much for me and just wants the best for me. My mom is Tina Lee.

God, I didn’t realize how much she does for me until I started writing this paper. Honestly, she is the best thing that happened to me. I love her with all my heart. I am so glad and appreciative that she took me in. Without her I don’t know where I would be.

People think she is the reason that I don’t talk to my real parents, she’s not. Yes, she does support my decision to have no contact with them. But it was my decision. I used to want to talk to them. I used to beg my mom to let me talk to them. She waited until I was about 12 and decided I was old enough to make my own decision on whether I wanted to talk to them. To be completely honest, I should never have wanted to talk to them so bad. I would have never gotten hurt as much as I did.

I have a little sister who is in middle school now. She wants me to tell her what our mom is like. It’s hard for me because I don’t want her to think I’m being mean towards our mom. I also want her to be able to judge our mom by her own experiences. I told my sister that she doesn’t and shouldn’t want to meet our mom. I don’t want her to be hurt like I was. This is a really touchy subject for me. I normally don’t like talking about it. It hurts so much that my own mother gave me up for adoption and then doesn’t even want to be in my life. I hate feeling like this. This whole thing makes me feel like a complete jerk because of the way I talk about her and what I think about her.

I do have contact with my two half brothers Zack and Austin. They are both older than me. They are the only family members (besides my full sister Lea) that I talk to. My grandmother on my maternal side lived a town away when we lived in Vermont. She never came to see me. We brought her pictures, sent her letters and she never replied or visited me. My grandparents on my paternal side, sadly I will never get to meet. My grandfather on my paternal side died before I was born and my grandmother on my paternal side died a couple years ago.
I love my life just the way it is. I have people who love and care about me. I have people who want to be in my life and want to know me. I have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, food, education, and I normally get what I ask for. Yes, I get in trouble. But, I am really working on it. I want to be better than my biological parents. I want a good future. I don’t want to get my kids taken away or to go to jail. I couldn’t ask for a better life. Maybe I was brought into this world by someone who didn’t want me, but I’m living in this world with someone who does.