4 years ago I got the dreaded news. My mom sat me down and said “We’re moving..” I was in 8th grade getting ready to make my way into the high school halls. Some of the worst news a teen can receive is that they’re moving. With less than a month to spare, too! Before long my mom and I were packing everything we owned into boxes and awaiting the day we would leave the comfort of the Springfield, Missouri life we knew and trade it out for a life in Wilmington, Delaware.

My grandma came to pick my mom and I up later that month, since that’s who we would be living with. The excitement on my grandmas face when she finally seen me after 3 years was the worst part of it all. The excitement of her never having to wait that long to ever have to see me again because I’d always just be a room away. How was I supposed to tell her that I wasn’t happy about coming to live with her? I couldn’t tell her that, so I faked it. A smile is what I soon learned how to fake almost instantly at any given time.

Three days later, we were here. It was different than I remembered, but than again I hadn’t been in Delaware since I was about 5.  I prayed that hopefully I would just blend right in, but that proved to harder than I had expected.  You wouldn’t think Delaware would be such a drastic change for someone, but it actually was. The way I talked, the clothes that I wore, and the music I listened to were just some of the simple things I had to throw out to even look like I belonged here. The simple fact of the matter was I didn’t fit in here. So I did what anyone would do, I changed myself. I still to this day regret that decision because it came along with some pretty nasty consequences.

When it first started I wasn’t even aware it was happening. It hadn’t consumed my life yet at that point. I just thought being sad sometimes was normal, until I started missing school and pretty much never getting out of bed unless I was forced to. 2 weeks was my longest running time of getting out of school because of faked illnesses, but really I just couldn’t get out of bed. I hated who I seen when I looked in the mirror. I didn’t eat. I had no friends. I was alone. I fell into a pretty deep depression. The move, the whole not fitting in thing really took it’s tole as you might imagine.  I missed out on some pretty great opportunities as a result. Everything and everyone around me was out to get me.

After awhile I met some really great friends that showed me it was possible to be happy again. They were exactly the people I needed to walk into my life. I once again knew what my laugh sounded like. My real one. And you know why? Because I was happy. I was content with the move; I was okay with who I was. I was just really happy with everything around me. Sometimes still to this day I struggle with the depression. Sometimes I think about the almost two year battle that I dealt with, but as crazy as it might sound I wouldn’t change any of it if I could do back in time. What I dealt with made me the person I am today. The depression was the hardest thing I’ve ever overcome, but I’m proud to say I did. And the best part is, the smiles are no longer faked.