I get many feelings when I love someone a lot. Then sometimes they don’t love me back. So, here is a real story about something that happened to me with a high school relationship that I thought was very interesting and strange. Sometimes when I start to have feelings for someone, they often see the love connection and some other times they don’t have a clue what’s going on. Others sometimes think I don’t even exist. Often guys use girls a lot of many reasons and I don’t have to explain them. Then the guys don’t give two s***s about you. Here starts the story about my friend Alex and I. I met him from one of my baseball friends because they play together. I would go to their games all the time to watch them play and would bring my friend taylor to watch the games too! Taylor is dating another guy on the baseball team, so sometimes I would just come for moral support. Taylor is one of my best friends so I could also go with her because she is my rock. Her boyfriend Dylan, is really good friends with Alex so that is how I became friends with him. We all would hang out in a group of four and have a great time! A couple games into the season, Alex and I started to get more closer to each other and our feelings changed so much for each other it was crazy. Weeks and weeks went on, we kept talking and hanging out a lot more. I started liking him more and more everything and he say that. He finally started to like me piece by piece and then we got really close really fast. It would always be a good time. I started to be attached to him and I don’t know if that is the right thing to happen, but it happened and that part is over. 

The next couple weeks were so great. I started to feel something in my gut that was not right about this relationship. Later, he mentioned something about the thoughts of us dating. I didn’t really like the idea because I have never dated anyone before so I didn’t know what it was like and I also didn’t want my first experience to be bad. After he asked me that question, our whole relationship decreased and I could tell by his texts and how he would talk to me. The next morning, we talked about everything in person. Alex thought I friendzoned him and went back to my old boyfriend which is kind of true, but I didn’t intentionally mean to do any harm to him in any way. He blocked me on everything, then we ended up not talking for a long time. This all happened at the end of junior year after prom. Then, in the beginning of senior year around soccer season, he randomly out of the blue added me on every social media. I don’t know why he did and that was a big confusion for me. I added him back to see what he needed. He snapped me and said that he missed me. I have no idea why he missed me and that statement made me even more puzzled. I also thought maybe he was giving me a chance or just f***ing around with me. Well, we hung out for one day to see if anything changed and nothing really did, but it was a great day. After when I was dropping him off, he mentioned to me, was he was just getting out of a relationship and doesn’t want to have a thought of a girlfriend right now. I’m pretty sure that was a huge excuse to be using me but you never know what goes through a boys head because sometimes they are very clueless and stupid about some situations. We blocked each other again. He once again added me on snapchat in the beginning of November. Now what does he want from me. I added him back to see what his deal was. We started talking again but he said “I only want to be friends with you if it’s only friends with benefits”. I said i’m done with you.

There are many feelings that go through my head when this happens. When people hurt me, you go through this feeling such as what if i get hurt again? What will happen next? Should I try for another relationship? When you go through something like this you obtain a different perspective of yourself through this. You begin to think you’re only use for him was just as an object or it was all just for my exterior instead of my interior. With that he made me feel like he cared but that was all just a game to try and get what he wanted out of me. You begin to think you have no worth to yourself or any guy you will ever come across. The impact of this on my life was huge. This dramatically can’t my look how what guys think of me and their outlook on girls, especially if they use me or not. This impact was huge on my relationships into the future to come.