The birds were out that morning, singing their beautiful melodies. It was a wonderful day thus far for her. She was spending time with her friends in My Word earlier. She was happy, smiling, and rejoicing at the great accomplishment she made two days prior- 200 days clean. Until the worst thing that she thought could have happened, happened.

He was her best friend. He helped her overcome her addiction, well that is what she thought. Really it was Me that helped her but it was through him. He was my vessel, and I flowed through him to her. Then, I took him from her. He was no longer necessary in her life, so I stripped him from her. This was just after he used her in a horrible way. She was sick to her stomach about it. She felt so betrayed and used, almost like someone took a knife and stabbed it right through her back. As her Father, it hurt me more than it hurt her when she was broken and hurting because of him, because she knows that I am there for her, but she wasn’t running to me. The one person she trusted with her entire life, left in her eyes, because if I didn’t remove him, (which was the best decision in my eyes for both of them) she would have been hurt worse later down the road. On this particular morning, his best friend told her that he uses girls, and in that moment, her heart fell into her stomach, which was tossing waves, turning over and over again at this point. She thought she was just another notch in his belt. Another girl he did not really care about, but instead cared about what she could do for him. The broken pieces of her torn heart broke more, and there was nothing that I could do to help her because she did not invite me to, although I knew what was going on, I wanted her to understand the importance of drawing near to Me.

She ran into the house that Saturday morning, and needed to get ready for the rest of the day ahead. She turned the shower on almost as hot as it could go. With tears flowing, a stream down her face, making her almost blind, she stepped into the shower. The hot water burned her skin, but she did not care, because the anger that was raging inside of her was a fire, that burned hotter than water the shower could even produce. 
She put her back up against the wall and slid their body down it, so that she was sitting. Her tears were coming down so quickly and in abundance. I sat next to her, and waited for her to call on me, so that I could put peace in her heart that passes all of the understanding or the lack of understanding she had at this point. Her hiccups from hysterically crying were masked by the loud water hitting the shower walls and floor. Along with that came the hyperventilating. She was breaking more every second thinking about how he cared about her, and then how he dropped her and used her heart for his own selfishness. And still, I sat and watched this. Trying to hand her truths, but My quiet whisper of truth could not get through the wall of lies that masked what I was trying to get through to her. In her mind, the thoughts were rolling around and around. “I'm stupid. Why did I not see is coming? Why was I not good enough for him? Why did he stop caring? Why me?”  Hate rushed through her bones. She hated him. He was a dirty pig, rolling in the mud over and over again, having girls chase after him through it so they can get just as dirty as he was. And the hatred she felt towards him stung My heart, for one of my children, hated another of them.

As she sat there, the memories of her addiction started to flood her thoughts like rain. She could not think of anything else but to hurt herself, because it was “her fault that he left her.” She was blaming herself for something that wasn't her fault. I took him, and she was failing to grasp that. She thought she ruined it, just like she ruined everything else. So she sat, and sat, and sat, letting her mind battle back and forth  between staying clean, or reverting back to her old habits. She slowly rose to her feet, still crying hard. Her eyes hooked to the razor positioned on the shelf- she just stared. I knew what she was going to do at the end of this battle in her mind. She couldn't concentrate on him, or what she heard not more than a few hours earlier, but only the hatred she had built up inside of herself. She picked up the razor, and sat down again.

She held it up in front of her, and let six months of harm on herself flash back before her eyes. She let 200 days without it flash as well. Conflicted, she sat and contemplated whether or not she wanted to break what she so hardly worked for, to be clean, or to hurt herself because the pain she felt inside was worse than the physical pain she could inflict. She was stuck, because she wasn’t still enough to hear Me. The little freshman girl always felt like she was getting stuck in everything she tried to do. Stuck like freshly chewed gun to the bottom of a shoe. Bound by chains that she assumed never were able to be broken, because she wouldn’t let Me set her free.

She was battling in a war that seemed as if she was on the frontline alone, with no one on her side, and on the other side were every demon imaginable. Demons with the names self-hatred, never enough, defeat, forgotten, alone. No longer did truth reside in her mind and heart, but lies. The voices in her head spoke nothing more than horrible things about her that were not even true. She thought she was alone, fighting for her life, literally, but the whole time I was standing beside her, My strength stronger than any demon and power from Hell combined together.

Sitting there, on the floor of her tiled shower, something other than water washed over her. It was My grace. It came in, a huge ocean wave: big, strong, powerful, as I am. It hit her like a ton of bricks. From there, she was forever changed. Right there, on the floor, in her shower, she experienced grace. Grace that covered her sins, and that told her that she did not need to hurt herself. Grace that assured her that I was fighting with her and for her. Grace that promised to come every time she felt life hurting herself, and remind her what I did for her. She took one last good look at the razor in her hand and she threw it out of the shower. She finally heard Me.

My power greater than all the strength she could embody washed over her, and filled her. She was no longer bound by chains that held her captive in the jail cell that was her mind. She was set free. Freed from all of the hate towards herself. Freed from temptation that trapped her like a butterfly in a net. Freed from the lies because she finally was starting to unerstand that I   love her. I care enough about her to personally take her mistakes from her, her hatred, her anger and rage, her impurities and imperfections and nail them to a tree. I  took them upon Myself, and allowed Myself  to die of a broken heart because of the suffering she inflicted in herself by picking the wrong path. That day, she realized that her worth is not found in a boy, that used her and abused her heart, but in Me, her Creator, that surrendered My own life to make sure that she had everything she deserved.