"Worthless piece of s**t!" "Lazy fat B**ch!" "Keep talking and I'll punch your teeth down your throat!" These just a few things my mother has said to me the past week alone. My entire life I have been abused by my mother. Mostly mental abuse, rarely physical. My father is at work most of the time so he only hears her side of the story.

Last Wednesday night, I had my friend over. We had recently moved so my mother was unpacking while Rose and I shared some chips and salsa on the front porch. My little cousin, only two years old, walks over to us. I give him a chip, and he decides he wants salsa, so he sticks his whole hand in the jar. "Mommy, the baby has salsa all over his hand." "God damn it! I thought you only had the chips outside with you. Of course you have to eat all the junk in the f***ing house!" I try to stay calm while I say, "There has been nothing in the house to eat. I've hardly eaten at all in the past three days. I'm sorry if I want to eat so I don't feel like crap..." Normally, not eating wouldn't be a bad thing for me. The past three years I have been dealing with ednos (eating disorder not otherwise specified), and my mom knows this. I believe she went into my journal and that's how she found out, but I'm still not positive. My entire life I have not once been happy with my appearance, at all. I've always been the heavy one. It's not necessarily all my fault though. I have a condition called, "Underactive Thyroidism", where one of the effects of having it is, weight gain and not being able to get the weight off. "Maybe you wouldn't feel like sh*t if you got off your fat lazy a**." I got used to comments like those. They may hurt, but its normal for her to say. "God you're such a disgrace." She has never used that word before. It stung bad. I immediately grab the food, put it away, and run to my room with Rose. As soon as I close the door I begin to have some sort of attack. I slam my fists into my head, slide my back into against the door, my breath begins to quicken, as tears pour down my face. Rose tries to comfort me by holding me while I cry, but it just makes me cry more. After ten minutes, I'm still crying, but I can talk to Rose now. "Dude, did you see me? I want to punch your mom so hard in the face. Disgrace? She's the disgrace. I don't know how she can treat her only daughter so terribly." "I told you. Not matter what, I'm never enough. I'm trying my best at everything. Really. I'm always on the honor roll. I rarely lie to them. I don't do drugs. What else does she want?!" I am never enough.