Before the start of my freshman year, I heard many stories of people who made the wrong decisions in high school, including involving themselves in inappropriate relationships and abusing drugs and alcohol. Thankfully, none of these were an issue for me. I knew that I would never get involved in these destructive habits. However, there was one major issue that I never thought could happen to me…depression.
For my entire life, I was always a happy kid who had positive thoughts about everything. I got compliments about my constant smile and apparent happiness. I cherished every little exciting experience. My positive outlook on life changed for a period of time last year as I overcame a new battle – depression. Even after the horrible phase that I endured, I still continue to hear how happy people perceive me to be and that my positive aura rubs off on everyone I’m around. Before last year, getting A’s in school was second nature to me. I was that student who always knew the answer and wasn’t afraid to raise my hand or participate in class discussion. I have a caring family with two parents who unconditionally love my siblings and me. Therefore, one would think that nothing bad would happen to me. Wrong.

My constant feelings of joy went away in the middle of my freshman year. I felt sick constantly and hated going to school. My parents even described my personality within that time as a dark cloud that blocked the happy and bright person that I was. No matter how much I studied and worked to get ahead, I still seemed to struggle, and I wasn’t earning the middle to high A’s that I was used to earning in middle school. To make matters worse, swimming, my beloved sport, even became a struggle. I suffered a back injury during the summer leading up to 9th grade, resulting in a summer out of the pool and in physical therapy. When I returned to practice in September, I wasn’t swimming as fast as I had been before that summer. I had constant conflicts with my coach about my practice attendance. On top of these encounters, school naturally became harder and more stressful. A final layer to the depression was tensions with my friends. There was constant comparing of grades and demanding schedules that led to a lot of unnecessary stress and bitter feelings. Pressures at lunch became so high, that I refused to eat a full lunch. Due to a combination of swimming, school endeavors, and clashing among my friends, I made the most regretful decisions that I had ever made in 9th grade. I had heard that cutting, although it sounded painful, gives one a sense of relief and control. I felt like my life was completely out of control and needed an outlet. I resorted to this coping method that I would eventually regret for the rest of my life. Although I made a very unwise decision, I got help and support from my guidance counselor and my parents.

As the school year progressed, so did my negative feelings. By late January, my friends started to notice a change in my behavior. Very soon after, they shared their concerns with the guidance counselors at school. They reported their concerns to my guidance counselor, but then they took a “hands off” approach. While I was grateful for their concern and for taking action, I felt very alone when they would not speak to me about it. I actually felt ostracized. Very soon after that, I began seeing a therapist to control the negative feelings and the negative coping methods I was employing. As I saw the therapist, the negative feelings decreased. The therapist helped in all aspects except for tension and competition with swimming and my friends. My negative experiences with swimming still had not turned around, especially when all my friends qualified for an invitational meet except for me. However, I was attending practice on a more regular basis.

The final part of my freshman year that helped me was when I got nominated for the spring LINK trip of 2013. At first, I was a bit skeptical about the trip, because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share the past six months of my life with a bunch of strangers for fear of their reactions. However, the people on the trip were so supportive, no matter how significant or seemingly insignificant their issue was. I made friends on the trip that I knew I could always turn to for support. During the trip, I learned that a true friend is there for you all the time no matter what, and that I needed to slowly let go of the friend group that I was in at the time.

Fortunately, as other aspects of my life came back together, so did swimming. Once the school year ended, I was able to swim every day, which has put me back to where I was before my injury. I developed a better relationship with my coach, and I am finally dropping time again in all of my races.

Through my challenges freshman year, I learned a lot about myself and my ability to persevere through conflicts. Before high school, life seemed easy and generally joyful. At some point in my life, I needed to learn that life is not easy. In fact, I learned that how we handle our struggles is what determines who succeeds and who continues to struggle. As I look back in my experience, in a strange way I am grateful that I experienced my first real battle while I am young. This helped me believe in myself and know that I can persevere through any conflicts I encounter in life.