Very few people know that I suffer from a severe and clinical anxiety problem. Sometimes, I shake at random moments and worry about every little detail of my life. For a long time I would cry myself to sleep at night wondering why I was always so afraid to speak my mind and show people who I really was. My problem eventually grew to the point of me locking myself in the bathroom and melting down on the floor or frequently napping so that I wouldn't cry. I felt weak and hopeless because nothing was working. Nothing was healing the pain of anxiety related depression.

That Saturday morning of the car accident was, ironically, beautiful. The sun was gleaming through the trees and the grass never looked greener. The view, just from my front porch, was breathtaking. It inspired me to soak up every ounce of beauty the Lord had in store for that day and gave me the motivation to help myself during my depressive state of mind. The sun rise, alone, reminded me of the stables where I keep my horse. Memories of my horse and I on trail rides together began to float through my head and brought me warm feelings and emotions that I hadn't felt in a very long time. I always knew how to lay down my troubles and let my happiness run free while riding my horse. In that moment of reminiscence, I wanted nothing more than the same, precious feeling of freedom to come back into my heart. I couldn't fight the little voice in my head saying, "You know where you need to go". I grabbed my car keys, turned the ignition key, and began to drive out to the stables, carrying my memories and burning passion for happiness with me.

With good intentions, I drove to the stables, where I knew my favorite animal in the entire world would be there waiting for me. My anticipation completely changed my mood about halfway through the drive. With a smile, I glanced at the radio to scan through the channels, in search of upbeat music. As I focused my eyes back onto the road, I realized that I was approaching a speed limit sign at 70 miles per hour on a dirt road. I turned the wheel as quickly as possible in order to avoid the speed limit sign. When I did so, my tire caught a portion of the loose gravel beneath my car. With a racing heart, I turned the wheel counter-clockwise as much as I could to avoid hitting anything else. When I did so, I over corrected onto more loose gravel, causing my car to spin out of control while continuing to accelerate at a speed of 70 miles per hour. Before going out of coherence, I remember tucking my knees to my face, closing my eyes and listening to the glass shatter as my head repeatedly hit the driver's-side door.

When I awoke, I was laying flat on my back on top of an EMS stretcher. A neck brace gripped my neck, forcing me to stare at the blue sky. I listened to police officers as they spoke through their walkie-talkies, describing the scene of my accident. I heard one officer say in amazement, "The roof of the car is completely caved in. It's a miracle that she's even alive".

I remember sobbing in gratitude as I walked out of the hospital that day. My life had been spared for a reason; a reason that only I could figure out. It was almost like my car accident was a wake-up call to my anxiety problem. My anxiety was steering the wheel of my life down a road of winding paths, which initially caused me to crash. My spared life was my chance for me to steer the wheel and not let my anxiety steer it. As for today, there are moments when I struggle with anxiety. Nowadays I like to think of those moments as “traffic jams” but, for the most part, my life is now a smooth drive.