In the still quiet bedroom of a small ranch style house in Suburban America sits a girl. She is average. She is usually the one with the biggest smile, the loudest laugh and the most ridiculous jokes but today she is quiet, still, motionless. She’s dressed in all black, her hair neatly straightened and her favorite key necklace hangs from her neck. She sits quietly on the edge of her bed staring at her reflection in the mirror as a single tear falls from her blue eyes and rolls down her pale cheek. Suddenly a voice calls from the other room. It is her mother telling her it’s time to leave. She gently brushes away her tear and puts on a smile. She refuses to let anyone see her in pain. She is strong. She has to be for her friends. She had a job to do and she had to complete it.

The service was held at the church she regularly attended. Those who knew her asked her if she was “ok.” She replied with a smile “I’m not right now, but I will be.” She briefly converses with some but she is barely coherent. Her mind stays focused on her quite honestly the hardest thing she’s ever had to do. The mother of her best friend had offered for her to honor her late best friend by singing a song at his funeral. An offer she had accepted. The service began and after she was introduced she stood up from her chair and began to approach the stage.

Everything within her was telling her she wasn’t strong enough but she kept reassuring herself by saying ‘it’s what John would have wanted.’ The walk to the stage was long and anxiety filled. As she walked up the stairs and took her place on stage all she could do was pray. As the track began to play, she found a strength that came only from the Lord and belted out the song. As the song ended she put down her microphone and walked in a trance like state towards the back door of the Sanctuary. She exited the door and then quickly closed it behind her. As the door closed she collapsed to the ground in a hysterical panic.

That’s when it hit her. Reality had just sunk in and she had realized that this is goodbye. That’s when the lines between emotional and physical pain blurred. The average, happy, lively girl was reduced to despair and sorrow in a matter of seconds. Suddenly like a switch she turned off the tears almost robotically. She wiped them from her eyes and told herself to get it together. She returned to her seat and listened to the service. She had done it. The single hardest emotional thing she’d ever had to do was accomplished and she felt comfort knowing that her friend was in the heaven with the Lord and better off than the rest of us.

Today there sits a girl. She is average. Her laugh has been restored, her smile has been revived and her jokes are as stupid as ever. She is dressed in bright colors. Her favorite key necklace still hangs from her neck. She sits on the edge of her bed staring into the mirror but instead of tears she is smiling. Although many of her characteristics have returned, there is something different about her. She is undergoing the long process of healing and the holes in her heart are being repaired, but with all wounds there is scar tissue. She is still saddened by the loss of her friend but she takes comfort in the fact that he is spending an eternity with the Lord. She still gets sad but she is strong. She always has been and always will be strong. Above all else she can finally say is “ok.”