Throughout my life, I have struggled with various issues within my family, inside of school, and in my own personal life. My mother's side of the family has passed on an illness which has no definite cure; only a pill which causes your dreadful feelings to subside for just a while, or some form of meditation which asks you to focus all your energy on the more positive things in life. Depression cannot just be wished away. All of the problems I had faced built up to the moment when I first discovered this fact. I know most of these inconvenient situations were not caused by me, and they are mostly out of my control. My heart knows this, but my brain certainly does not. Both parts of me seem to march to the beats of different drums.

For the most part, my depression is an onset of my anxiety. Both illnesses are equally as grim; a deadly combination, both fighting for dominance over key brain areas, and slowing down the production of new nerve cells. Antidepressants are quick to increase the amount of neurotransmitters, but the good feelings don't come for another several weeks or so. One side is telling me everyone would be better off without me around, while the other retorts by trying to convince me that everyone is watching over and laughing at my every move; even the ones I have yet to make. I do not enjoy feeling this way, and I never will. I internalize every negative emotion I feel, in fear of being a burden to me friends and family. I know I am not a burden, but I don't truly believe it.

As of late, my anxiety and depression have not been so prevalent, but I dread the day that they both return to haunt me once again. Those who do not struggle with these illnesses do not fully understand how crippling both of them can be. Some might just believe you are being overdramatic, and will downplay your issues. Please believe me when I say that depression and anxiety are two very real problems. They should both be handled with care, and genuine love.

If you know anyone who happens to suffer from either illness, please learn to practice patience. A sufferer of depression (or anxiety) cannot immediately feel happy or content just because you tell them to. It takes time to recover from a bout of either illness, just like if you had the flu, or some sort of infection. You wouldn't want your parents, or friends, to snap their fingers in front of your face, commanding you to get better right on the spot if you were not feeling so well. Please do not treat a mental illness any differently, as they are just as serious.

I may not be very vocal about my problems, most of the time, but they exist. Over time, I have learned to cope with everything that has happened throughout my life, no matter how difficult it proved to be. I have learned to vent my frustrations and upsets through art, and I plan to keep using this method of easing the pain. I refuse to harm myself in any way, or rely on any vices to suppress my sadness and fear. I have promised myself to become a stronger person, and I plan on sticking to it.