I sit, picking away at the ever growing holes in my sweatshirt as I listen halfheartedly to my fellow class mate flawlessly read to the class. I just don’t understand! How can words stream out of her mouth so effortlessly?

“Hannah K, Will you please read the next paragraph.” I swallow the bile rising in my throat and say a quick prayer.
I am a terrible reader.

The paragraph looked something like this:

The expedition was commissioned by President Thomas Jefferson shortly after the Louisiana Purchase in 1803 and consisted of army volunteers under the command of Captain Meriwether Lewis and his close friend Second Lieutenant William Clark. Their journey lasted from May 1804 to September 1806. The primary objective was to explore and map the new territory, find a practical route across the Western half of the continent, and establish an American presence in this territory before Britain and other European powers tried to claim it.

Struggling to pronounce each word, what I read went something like this:

“The (silence followed by teacher saying “expedition”) exposition (“no Hannah expedition”).” I start again, “The expedition was (silence followed by more help from my teacher), commissioned by President Thomas Jefferson shortly after the Louisiana purchase in Eighteen thirty I mean eighteen o three,(my face grows hot with each mistake) and considered of… consisted of army volunteers under the command of Captain Merewether Lewis and his close friend Second (silence, this time there is no help, she wants me to struggle, she thinks it will encourage me to try harder… but luckily someone in the class whispers the pronunciation and my voice is back) lieutenant William Clark. Their journey lasted from May eighteen o four to, practical (silence) sorry.” I stumble on, “Their journey lasted from May eighteen o four to September eighteen o six. The primary object, The primary objective was to explore and map the new territory, find a practical rout around, I mean across the Western half of the continent, and es-tab-lish an American presence in this terriory, I mean territory before Britain and other European powers tried to claim it.”

Wiping the little sweat accumulating on my upper lip, I look up and give a half smile to the disappointed eyes looking back at me.
I have never been a great with reading, spelling, or any other grammar. I had not found a love for independent reading until about seventh grade when I discovered Meg Cabot books. But even though I could read a book a day, I was still bad at spelling, and, if I came across a word I did not know how to pronounce, I made up a new word. I still really don’t care for reading out loud in class.