I guess this is what a heart break feels like…
It’s summer vacation and people are bored. Some friends are with their family, some people are hanging out with friends and some people are studying for grade nine. I was one of the people who were studying for grade nine. I spent my days in the library, reading books and practicing math and science. Conrad visited me at the library a few times and made me feel a lot less lonely. I felt grateful that he took time out of his day to visit his girlfriend at the library. We talked a lot on Facebook and spent most of our day talking about our day. I couldn’t love him more. I caught a cold. I’ve been stuck in bed for a week and I couldn’t contact him. After a while, when I started to recover, we talked again. Every night I would say, “Goodnight, I love you.” And wait for him to say, “I love you too.”
But soon, those messages stopped coming. He stopped telling me that he loved me and it seemed like he stopped caring for me. I missed him, yet it was like I was completely ignored. I few days later, he told me,
“I think we should break up. We are establishing progressively less contact with each other, and long distance relationships don't really ever work out. We won't really be able to see each other often because we're going to different schools at different ends of Kanata. It's not you. You're a great girlfriend, it's just that I can't really make a commitment and stick with it.”
I wanted to hang on and tell him that we can possibly work it out but I ended up responding with, “Yeah, don't worry. I was kind of expecting you to say something. So, I guess this is it. I really enjoyed being by your side for a while. I won’t forget you. After all, you were my first kiss. I’m seriously going to miss you. I hope you have fun in high school. Thanks for making me happy. I love you for that.”
And that was the end of it. If you ever ask me what it’s like to get your heart broken, I’ll tell you a whole bunch of things. I felt angry with myself, I thought I had done something wrong, but most of all I felt stupid. Stupid because I still continue to love him, even though we’re done and knowing he’ll move on in a split second while I won’t.
It hurts a bit.