Life will get down in you sometimes. Life will tear you up and break you down. Life will bring you sorrow and life will bring you sadness. And somewhere along the road, life may bring you to a shattered heart. Not from a break up, but from a girl that’s standing on a line deciding weather to give up or see how much more she can take.

This is a girl that hides her depression, anxiety, and emptiness behind a smile, to avoid being asked questions; Questions that if she answered, she might break down all over again although she goes home and just cries until she’s lying there emotionless. She doesn’t understand how this emptiness in her heart can cause so much pain.
Doesn’t empty mean that nothings there? If nothing is there then why does she feel this much pain? And she’s breaking. Day by day she’s breaking. She’s constantly breaking. She’s the girl who’s to bed by eight because she’s sick of everything and everyone. And once she’s sleeping, she doesn’t have to worry about a thing; every thought leaves her mind when she’s sleeping.
Angels watch over her while she dreams. They see her smiling because she’s not concerned of what’s yet to come. Then waking up in the morning, and putting on a smile. The smile she wish she didn’t have to fake. She’s tired of going through the same thing everyday. She has friends, but she still feels so alone. She can’t escape. She is sad and has been for awhile. It’s not the usual kind of sad. It’s the sadness you can’t escape and you can’t explain why.
It’s blankness in your heart. She can’t get away, no matter how hard she tries, she can’t find her way out of this darkness that has filled her heart and soul. She dreams of a world where everyone is kind and people still believed in magic. Then reality takes over and reminds her that she can’t trust anyone, not even herself.
She’s afraid of the not becoming the person she wants to become. Anxiety takes over and her mind begins to wander. She wants to know that at some point, it will all be okay. So she prays; she always does. She’s a masterpiece of God, a child of God. She believes that having a strong relationship with the Lord can make all the difference.
Music is her escape from life and she’s constantly putting her feelings into words. It puts her in a good mood for just a little while. As a little girl she dreamed like a princess, she believed in magic and in happily every after. She didn’t see evil in anyone. Then she grew up, and she became quite naïve. She learned that life isn’t a fairytale and most of the time, people don’t get their happily ever after.
She’s fallen; she’s stumbled, and got up. She’s learned that life is not easy. Once you’re comfortable with life, someone will find a way to screw it up and that she’d be living the nightmare all over again. It’s a cycle. It’s a trap. She just can’t win. There once was a happy little girl, then she grew up. This girl is me.