I sleep with a brown teddy bear that used to belong to each of my siblings. He was passed down in birth order from Casey, who is now thirty, to Michael, twenty-eight, to Alisha, twenty-four, and finally to me. I get to keep him – one of the many perks of being the youngest. His name is Muffin, and he’s dressed in jean overalls. My oldest brother was three when he named him, and in the ‘80s I imagine overalls were in style. One ear is torn where the stitching connects to his head, and the straps of Muffin’s overalls are curled from being held onto as he was dragged along behind each of my siblings. Michael gave him up to Alisha when her sticky toddler fingers seized him, but she didn’t relinquish that grasp to pass him down to me until I was leaving for college.

To my sister’s credit, some nights when we were younger she would share him. If we both needed him in the dark, we would lie on our stomachs and bridge the gap between our beds so that I could hold one of Muffin’s arms and my sister could hold the other. Muffin became mine when I came to ASU last year. A teddy bear is typically trusted to keep the monsters in the closet at bay, but I realized that Muffin has just as much responsibility driving away the anxieties of being on my own as he did relieving childish fears. When I bury my nose in his stuffing he smells like home. He tangibly reminds me of the comfort of my siblings and all I’ve learned from them.

Siblings fight. They borrow things without asking and accidentally break them. They strategically place gum in each other’s hats and can’t stifle their giggles when Mom has to give impromptu haircuts. They get jealous, they hurt each other with words and with sticks, and they know (and eagerly push) each other’s buttons. No one chooses their siblings, but they’re permanent. Although it’s easy to take their impact for granted, siblings shape each other. They affect growth and individual personality development. If you have a sibling, you’ll no doubt learn to stand up for yourself, to share, and to hide your Halloween candy. Being a sibling also teaches how to deal with another person (however different he or she might be). It teaches patience, communication, and hard work in relationships.

A popular theory suggests that personality can be predicted from birth order. I’m not sure this is true, but I like the idea that siblings help define you. In school, before I was Laura, I was “Casey’s little sister,” “Michael’s little sister,” or “Alisha’s little sister.” This was irritating at the time because although the family resemblance is striking, I didn’t think Laura was a difficult name to remember. But as I look back now, these titles seem perfectly appropriate. Before I defined myself as me, I wanted to be exactly like them. I wanted to cook like Casey, play piano like Michael, and dress up in heels like Alisha. All younger siblings are copy-cats at some point, and all older siblings watch them grow up and go through experiences similar to their own.

When you’re growing up with siblings, you don’t feel the need to change your outfit, put on makeup, or pretend that nothing is bothering you. Your siblings know you honestly. They’ve seen you at your best and at your worst. They’ve watched you forget the words while singing your solo and score the winning goal in your championship game. When you’re vulnerable, they have perfect opportunities to tear you down. But when you least expect it, they’ll push you to succeed, they’ll stick up for you, and they might just show you that however deep down, they love you.