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Heartbreak is like a fish out of water. One minuet you are swimming with the current (life) and next thing you know you are hooked up and out of that water and slammed against dry soil. With each passing second oxygen escapes you and you cannot breathe. Your life rapidly decreases with the osmotic pressure. Heartbreak is inevitable if you put your heart out there. Sometimes, you have to take necessary actions to insure the preservation of your heart. Sometimes you need to simply move on and let go of who you love, because sometimes, what we want the most is what we need the least.
It was Junior Year in high school and I was so excited to be one year closer to graduating. I had planned to put all my focus into my school work because the next two years are what matters the most for post-secondary education. I had just moved into a small town after living in big urban cities for years. Even though I spent most of my life in the country, it was hard to go back.
I had spent my first semester of eleventh grade working my butt off to get the best grades that I could with minimum distraction from dating and guys. I had dated one college student which ended badly and resulted in no communication between the two of us for months. After things had gone sour with that guy I decided 100%, absolutely NO GUYS for the rest of the school year. Of course, whenever I make plans on anything, it never goes the way I planned.
Semester two was not off to a good start. I had two classes with the last person in the world I wanted to be in with, Bryton. I had met Bryton the year before I moved into the small town. I was at a rock climbing event with my best friend Erika who I had grown up with. I had met Bryton there, with his chocolate brown eyes and brown hair and a smile that hit your stomach with an army of butterflies. I was taken by surprise on his energy; he was so happy and took a huge interest in me right away. Although I acted though I was not impressed by his persistence attempts to impress me, secretly, my heart was being drawn to him like a fly to a light. I had figured I would never see the smiling country boy again, so I walked out of the place without his number and he without mine.
A few nights later I had received a message on Facebook from Bryton saying that he had not gotten my number and he would love it if he could so that he could see me again. Without a thought I had given it to him and we talked non-stop, we hung out and soon enough we were together. We had stayed together for months until an ex of his, Jessica, began to harass me on Facebook and at my school (because just my luck we went to the same school) demanding that I break up with him. I took it for a while, but with a pass of bullying I could not take it after a while. Without a reason I told Bryton that he and I were over. To my dismay, he and Jessica were dating a few months after that. A piece of my heart died on that day, because I still loved the smiling country boy.
So, exactly one year later from the day I had met Bryton we sat in first period on opposite sides of the room. I refused to talk to him for weeks. Even though I sat almost next to him in history and he constantly stared, I refused. I still held it against him for being with Jessica, even though I was the one who broke up with him. I did my best to keep Bryton from sneaking back into my heart, but he had the key, and to my fear, he used it.
He began to talk to me again. In history class he began to sit next to me and talk to me. I didn’t think much of it at first other than maybe he wanted to be friends. I thought that I should be nice to him, that even though he was with Jessica now I shouldn’t hold it against him anymore. So, we sat together one day in history and instead of listening to my monotone history teacher’s voice I drew pictures on the margins of my notes. Playing songs through my head I closed off the real world and entered my own private little world of calmness. It was perfect to mellow out and I started to relax until I felt something move against the jean over my thighs. My mind snapped back into the real world and I thought about the current events. Fingers, I felt fingers moving slowly against my thigh, back and forth, back and forth, and then I felt a squeeze. I slowly placed my pencil down onto my paper and moved my eyes to my thighs. My eyes rested on a hand, and then they moved up past the wrist and up the arm until my eyes met another pair of eyes, Bryton. I stared in shock, my lips parted a bit and I stared into those chocolate eyes that I had not looked into for a year. He then moved his hand in a quick jerk and started to work in his book. Dumbfounded, I continued my drawing as if nothing happened. But something did happen, and Bryton did not let me forget it.
For weeks he continued to touch me, at first I resisted and told him to back off; however, his persistence was in his favor and I began to fall for him. One day, we were in the lab for history and the bell rang for lunch. I was not finished so I continued to work. Next thing I hear is a chair being dragged and Bryton shows up next to me. “Hey,” he said smiling.
I looked at him. “Hey yourself.” A minute later his hand was on my thigh.
“So, you working hard or hardly working?” I could see his smile in the corner of my eye.
“I’m trying to finish my work Bryton, is there something you wanted?”
He leaned in and whispered in my ear. “I want you.”
I turned and looked at him stopping what I was doing. “What?”
He shrugged. “I like you.”
I stared at him. “Since when?”
“Last year, ever since I met you.” He smiled shyly to the ground.
“But you have a girlfriend Bryton.”
He leaned in until he was centimeters from my lips. I could feel the warmth of his breath as he said, “But, I like you.”
I closed my eyes and felt his lips meet mine. I pushed my body closer to him. Grabbing his hair I kissed him back with so much emotion. My body missed his touch; my heart missed the sound of his and my tongue missed entanglement. It felt so right to be there with him in that moment, just like that. Then my mind sauntered into the picture along with my conscience and ruined everything. Guilt flooded over me and I broke the kiss. This was wrong, Bryton had a girlfriend and I cringed with the thought that Jessica had touched the place where my lips just touched. I got up to leave and I felt a hand on mine.
“Where are you going?” A frown crossed his beautiful face, and I could see my reflection in his milk chocolate eyes.
“I have to go Bryton.”
He tightened his grip a bit. “No, please stay.” The saddest on his face made my heart melt.
“I’m sorry.” I pulled my hand away, grabbed my books and left. Once outside the lab anger rushed through me. What had I just done? Bryton had just cheated on the girl I hated. Why did I not feel better about this? Frustrated, I punched the cement wall. My knuckles burned and tears met the edges of my eyes.
Things were alright for a while, Bryton still tried to seduce me into falling harder for him and I continued to fight my mixed feelings. I liked the attention I was given by him. Part of me found it exciting to be the “other girl” in this love triangle. But the other part of me, the bigger part wanted to be the girl that I was with him last year. I wanted to be the girlfriend. I deserved to be the girlfriend, I didn’t have to bring people down and hurt others just to get him. He came to me, last year and then again this year. Though I knew that if he really wanted me he that he would break up with Jessica in no time, right?
Wrong. A few days later rumor spread through the school that Bryton had cheated on his girlfriend. Though no one in the school knew who the girl was that he cheated with was. Some said that he slept with some girl. Others had different stories, but none of those stories were even remotely close to the truth. I knew Bryton was going to blame everything on me. Soon enough, I get this text from him yelling and freaking out at me. I had never in my life seen someone act so ridiculous. He thought I had started the rumor. He called me a bunch of names and went from the total sweetheart that I fell for to a complete and total JERK! I hated who he had turned into just then. Every word of every insult ripped a piece of my heart out until I was bleeding emotionally. With my defenses down, I was hit with the storm at mass impact. Everyone believed the lie that Bryton had not cheated on his girlfriend and the rumor was nothing more than just a rumor. Bryton had even convinced his girlfriend that he would never cheat on her. Only Erika, Ashley and I knew the truth.
For days Bryton was a complete asshole to me. Hateful words flowed out of his mouth each time he looked at me in class. I did have my moments of weakness where I convinced him to forgive me and then we would be back to liking each other. After a while, I realised that Bryton was not going to dump Jessica. If he were to he would have already. So I decided that in order to stop his cheating with me for good I needed him to really hate me this time. So, I told his best friend’s sister the whole story without the mention of Bryton’s name. As I suspected she confronted Bryton. Although he was able to convince her to believing that he was not the guy it wasn’t the end for Bryton. That’s what I wanted. I had sent a message and he received it like a neon sign. Though he did not know what I had planned he confronted me and ended up hating me for good just as I planned. The lying and secrets had finally come to an end.
With Bryton now mad at me I wanted to make things back to the way they were. I missed the attention, I craved it and I needed my fix. But in that moment I realized that that is not the girl I am. I like attention, but I don’t need it. I liked and wanted Bryton so badly, but I didn’t need him. If I was the first one he pointed his finger to instead of defending and protecting me, how could he be good for me? I could do better, I deserved better. I am not just “the other girl”. I should be someone’s one and only girl. Although it killed me to let Bryton go twice, it was for the best. I saw his true side, the cheater, liar, betrayer and I realised that he is a fake as a plastic toy. My heart mourned for the boy I met last year. Looking at Bryton today, I know that the smiling sweet hearted country boy I fell so hard for no longer exists.