I have never been one to believe in fate, or a predestined life, but recently the thought crossed my mind that maybe everything does happen for a reason; all of the good things and the bad. Maybe events are meant to play out the way they do, because there is always something more coming just down the road. If only I had known a year ago how different my life would be – how different I would be – maybe everything that happened wouldn’t have seemed so bad.
September 4, one year ago, I had movie night with him. September 4, this year, I had more fun just talking and laughing with you than I did 365 days prior. A year ago today, I was refusing to speak to Mom and Dad because they didn’t approve of him. Today, I couldn’t stop smiling, thinking about you.
If only I had known a whole year ago that this is where I would be, maybe I wouldn’t have wasted those three, those four months, asking myself ‘What if?’ Maybe I wouldn’t have wasted all those emotions, all those tears, on something that I could not change. Maybe instead of being stuck in the past, I could have moved on to the future.
I can keep saying ‘maybe’, but that won’t change the fact that it happened. What I can do now, is realize how far I've come, in just a short year, and be thankful for everything that has happened to me. Especially, I must be thankful for all the hard times and all of the pain, because those days when I felt my weakest, were the days that allowed me to grow to my strongest.
My brain has been a broken record for the last 12 months, replaying the same broken part of the record on repeat until my brain in numb. I’ve now gotten to the point where it is hardly painful to listen to the screeching of the broken record. I’ve gotten to the point where I can take it and replace it with a new song, with a brand new beginning, middle, and ending.