When I was little, I discovered that I was afraid of being alone. Not physically, but mentally. Afraid that I wouldn't have anyone to support me or love me.
It all started after my parents' got their divorce when I was 7.
I moved in with my dad, and saw my mom every-other weekend, and one day in the week. Clearly, for a little girl who had her stay-at-home-mother everyday for most of her life, it was a HUGE change for me. It was strange living with my dad; I had a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, just subtle enough to put me off everyday. When we went to the new school, it wasn't anything special. A new school for people to make me feel that I was unloved and unwanted. It took me a year to finally get adjusted.
One day, a boy that was my age and was always picking on me came up to me.
"Hey, Megan."
"What?" I was very irritated at the time because yesterday he had kicked me in the shin.
"Wanna go make out?"
I know some of you are out there reading this and saying, 'What a pervy little kid! You're only 8 years old!' But my little twisted mind didn't find this a bit surprising in the least.
So I said yes.
And that was the start of my boy obsession.
I was boy-crazed, always flirting with as many boys as I could. By the mark of 8th grade, I had dated 6 guys; all of which suppressed that 'alone' feeling inside. At least for a little while.
During my 8th grade year, I found myself upset that no matter how many boys I went through, the alone feeling would ALWAYS come back. Then I realized something. I wasn't going through them just for the heck of it. I liked them. I cared. They made my heart almost burst out of my chest; and they could smash it to pisces whenever they wanted.
So I started dating whenever I felt a tug at my heart.
So I found HIM.
Now, I can't say who HE is, because I'm sure one day HE'll read this and HE wont like it very much. Because we broke up.
But I'm getting ahead of myself, here.
HE was amazing. Very mature for only being in 8th grade, and respectful. HE was kind of shy and quiet; but I'm loud and outgoing enough to make up for HIM. I loved just being near HIM, being with HIM. I didn't care what we were doing, where we were going, or what anyone else thought (even though EVERYONE approved of me dating HIM, AND some of the popular girls called HIM 'Pooh-Bear' because HE was so sweet and kind).
Valentine's day came and went and HE told me HE loved me. So I thought we were on the right track.
Until one day HE stopped... caring.
And HE broke up with me.
A few days before my birthday.
My heart was shattered.
But after the experience, I found something else that would keep away the emptiness and aloneness for a while.
ME.
But I'm still dating guys.
Who could ever give that up?
<3