I close my eyes, waiting for my turn. My heart is beating so fast I can’t even count the beats. I can feel it in my chest, in my throat. I sit in a chair staring at all these lockers. Looking at every room, thinking Wow, this is what it looks like. It’s double the size. I hear my name “Sadie Chong?” I had so many things on my mind. It's too much to count. My hands are shaking. I realized how much more practice I should’ve done. How much more help I should’ve asked for? The regret swooped in as I came through the door. 

           I never auditioned for a choir in person. They were all online. So I was able to make mistakes and try again. Yes, I did get into the middle school honors chorus in 8th grade, but that was an online audition. I never thought that auditioning for a high school honors chorus as an 8th grader would be so hard. I didn’t initially want to do it. I had no point because I knew it was going to be harder. I knew that I was going to screw everything up. It was risky and I wasn’t going to take that risk. But my teacher pushed me to do it. She told me I could. I didn’t believe her. But I took that risk. I put my best self forward and I went. This place looked like this huge prison. “Alright, Sadie. You may sing. Here is the starting note.” the teacher sternly said. I was so scared. My heart was racing like crazy. I opened my mouth, and thought Oh boy, this is not going to work out. Why did I do this? I sang. Then, suddenly with my shaky voice, I messed up the song. Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! What is wrong with me… She told me to restart and I was full of guilt. We moved on to the hardest part. I’m not good at reading notes, but my chorus teacher said it was easy. So I trusted her. Guess who was wrong about that. I struggled so much during that portion. After it was over, I was full of sadness and anger toward myself. I thought I was able to ace it as I did with the 8th-grade online audition, but it was so different and harder. 

           During the summer, I emailed my chorus teacher if she got any info on it because I never heard back from them. She replied, I was full of excitement, but also I was fully aware that I would probably not get in. I opened it. I didn’t get in. I felt a bit disappointed in myself. My heartbeat went from lightning fast, to calm as the summer ocean. I was understanding. I knew I wasn’t going to get in. But I did know that it was a meaningful experience. It was a good experience because now I know what the audition looks like if I ever do it in the future. Thank you to my teacher who gave me so much courage to take a huge risk and learn from it.