Nicole means victory of the people. According to Merriam-Webster, a victory is “an achievement or success in a struggle or endeavor against odds or difficulties.” Do I consider myself successful? 

“Not every victory shows up on the scoreboard” (Unknown). I understand this now, but I never used to. 

I have played volleyball for eleven years. When I was five years old, I practiced my serve by hitting the ball up on the roof for hours. When I was seven, I joined my first volleyball league. I served aces until the referee told me that I reached the limit and had to give the ball to the other team. When I was eleven, I made my first club team. We were the second team in the region. The next year, we were third. 

And when I was 16, I made the Arrowhead varsity volleyball team. The team that just won the state championship, two years prior.

From twelve hour travel days to volunteering on the weekend together, I have spent almost every single day with my volleyball team. We practice or play matches or tournaments nearly every day of the week. I set a goal for each practice and push myself mentally and physically to make progress towards that goal. 

I am on a team known for their victories. Making the team was a personal victory. Despite this, my role on the team this year is to cheer from the bench. 

But do I still consider myself successful? Am I victorious?

At the beginning of the season, our coach asked us to make a strength board. We had to pick a focus word for the season. I chose teamwork. But not in the sense of accomplishing a group goal. In the sense of making progress together and being a part of a team. 

It’s hard to feel a part of the team when my role is not a position on the court. If Nicole means victory, why don’t I feel victorious? I’m the black sheep, the ugly duckling, good enough to make varsity, but not good enough to play. I am the rain on a windshield; I’m a part of the thunderstorm, but I’m eventually wiped away and forgotten about. In the lush, Amazon forest, I’m underneath the towering trees and never see the sun. I’m a satellite, orbiting Earth, and my only job is to observe. 

But I would still choose to be in this group. 

 My name is a goal: to keep persevering in tough situations, stay positive, and make my own victories. I will be victorious for sticking with it through all the obstacles. Even if it doesn’t show up on the scoreboard.