To the One I Loved Most | Teen Ink

To the One I Loved Most

May 10, 2019
By Anonymous

To the one I loved the most; the day you got put into the ground was the saddest day of my life. People were all dressed in black, telling me how sorry they were for my loss. Tears were streaming down my red blemished cheeks, the sound of noses blowing into tissues, the weeping you could hear from behind closed doors in the church. The crisp, cool air of the beginning of Spring, the people slowly driving in a line behind the hearse, with the little white flags catching the wind.

It was terrible feeling to drive away from that cemetery knowing that I would never get to see you again for a long time. I just can’t believe that you are gone. The family always tells me the best stories about you. From crazy skiing stories on the boat at Lake Cumberland, to hearing how you gave back to the community. But I do know for a fact, that I will see you again someday, and you’re up there dancing in the golden gates of heaven with your mom and dad being the happiest you’ve ever been. Thank you for keeping your legacy alive today and for living your life to the fullest potential you had.

Just a few weeks before you were gone, I thought to myself, “How am I going to make it through when you’re gone?” “What’s life going to be like without you?” I remember stepping into the house, smelling like a hospital. Walking through the kitchen into the living room seeing you there laying in a hospital bed. Seeing you in pain like that was the worst feeling I have ever felt. The cancer spread so badly it was hard for you to breathe, let alone talk. After we sat and talked with you for a little bit, it was time to go home, not knowing it would be the last time I saw you. You managing to force out the words, “I love you” and giving me a hug. You’re always going to have a piece of my heart. Always. I think about you every single day no matter what is going on. You always amaze me by the person you were, and I will always look up to you as a person.

I will never forget the day you passed away. After my basketball game. My mom grabbed me and my sister by the hand and told me that you had passed away. I didn’t even have enough time to spit words out of my mouth before I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks. It was a type of cry where it was hard to breathe, and you were gasping for air because you were breathing you hard and fast. It felt like the world was coming to an end, I didn’t get to tell you how much you meant to me, or how much I loved you. I never got the chance. When we were always together I tried to say I love you as much as I could before I knew you weren’t going to be here much longer.

You were always there for me when I needed you. You were always my shoulder to cry on, I could gossip to you and tell you everything that was bottled up. There is never a time I don’t think about you, and the days fly by and my heart mourns over you not being here with us anymore. All the things I wish I could tell you now; like achieving sports goals, achieving educational goals, things that have happened in the family, but I know you’re watching over me as I go through life and I just wish you were here with me by my side. I always tell stories about you when I can, and when I hear untold stories about you, they always cease to amaze me.

That laugh, the way you said I love you, the way you always handled situations, I will never forget advice that you’ve told me and the memories we’ve made together. The crazy times we’ve had together; I just wish I could have one more day with you, to spend one more day just to catch up with you. It would be the best day of my life.

Thank you Papaw, for being the best person ever and shaping me into the person I am today.

The author's comments:

This piece is about something that me and my family went through that was very difficult for all of us. I wanted to share it with other people because I know that other people have been through what we went through. 

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