One of the most important life lessons taught to individuals of all ages is to never judge a book by its cover. In other words, don’t judge someone simply by how they are acting, how they look, or how they make their life seem. Nine times out of ten, a person’s image is just a disguise of the true feelings they encounter on a daily basis. How do I know you ask? Because I have mastered making it seem like I am okay, when in reality, I have many personal issues that I unfortunately have to wake up to every day. I am not writing this story to receive others pity and sorrow. I am simply writing this to share my story with others and to inform people that they are NOT alone in this world, although it may seem like it.

On the morning of Wednesday, January 30, I woke up to frigid temperatures and a thin, fluffy layer of white precipitation on the ground. At least it was a snow day, especially considering the “polar vortex” conditions were absolutely miserable. As I walked into my bathroom, socks sliding on the smooth tile, the thought that my mother hadn’t left her room in days didn’t even cross my mind. I carried on with my gloomy morning, thinking of nothing other than she had a simple cold and hadn’t been feeling well.

The smell of fresh brewed coffee filled the lower level of our house as I cuddled up on the couch with my steaming hot mug and stacks of homework I needed to complete before the next day. I was hoping and praying that we would have another snow day, although the chances were highly unlikely. After hours of working virgiously on a wide variety of homework assignments, there was a knock at the door snapping me from my focused trance. Who could that be? As far as I knew, we were not expecting company, especially since my mother hadn’t been feeling well. As I approached the front door, my insides churned nervously. I felt very uneasy, but was relieved to open the door to see my grandmother. “Memaw?” I asked. “What’re you doing here?” “Your mom texted me saying she wasn’t feeling good and needed me, so here I am!” She smiled as she stridded over the threshold of our home, capturing me in her warm embrace. She fixed my mother some soup and made her way up the steps.

A long thirty minutes passed as I sat on the couch, my nerves building up uncontrollably. I continued to have an uneasy feeling, although I had no idea why. It was one of those moments where I just had a bad feeling; that something wasn’t right. From the living room, I could hear muffled arguing between my mother and grandmother-- an event that occurs once in a blue moon. It was at that moment that I verified to myself that something bad had happened, but I hadn’t prepared myself whatsoever for what my grandma was about to say to me when she made her way to the bottom of the steps.

I rose my eyes to my grandma’s eye level, tears immediately welling in my eyes. “What’s the matter?” I asked, voice cracking mid sentence. My grandma immediately began crying uncontrollably, making me realize that something must’ve been seriously wrong. I didn’t receive an answer. “Memaw, what’s wrong?” She took a deep breath, trembling as she began to speak. “Your mother attempted to take her own life Kaylee.” As these words left her mouth, many emotions engulfed my body: sorrow, confusion, anger. My first instinct was to sit there in shock, however, that was the last thing I needed to do in the situation. I stood from my seat on the couch and insisted that we take my mother to the hospital immediately, because what she needed at the time was intense medical attention both mentally and physically. So that’s exactly what I did; I dragged my mother out of her dark, cold room, and I drove her to the psychiatric hospital.

The entire time as we drove, my mother continued to apologize to me repetitively, insisting that she was an excuse of a mother and that she had no reason to be alive. No words can describe what it’s like to hear your own mother speak of herself that way. The best way to explain it was that it shattered my heart into a million pieces, like a baseball smashing a stain glass window. Nobody should ever have to experience that in their lifetime, yet I had to.

Following this terrible experience, my mother has thankfully received extensive treatment and is still recovering to this day. I will forever be affected by what happened, however, it has shaped me into the strong person that I am today. As a result, I have learned many things about mental illness including addiction, depression, and anxiety, and how all three of these things took over my mother’s state of mind and body. I thank God every day that he has given my mother a second chance at life and has continued to guide her through the path of recovery. This situation has also taught me that no matter how happy someone may act, you should always check in on them and make sure they are truly okay. To this day, I regret not checking in on my mother more because perhaps if I would’ve, her attempt could have been avoided.