My feelings are constantly changing, I’m not bipolar but I do feel very emotional at times. When I feel sad I stay sad for a while. I distance myself from everyone and everything, zone myself out. At this time when I do, do that I feel selfish. But it’s hard to get out of it, it’s hard to take myself back to a happy place. It sinks in I stay overthinking everything. But the problem is when someone does it back and zones themself out of my life I feel a certain type of way. One day you’ll see me hanging out with a certain group of friends, and maybe a week month or year, I might not anymore, it’s most likely because my feelings are hard to control. I cut people off because it makes me feel good in the moment. But when I come out of this emotional roller coaster I miss them or that thing. I do it out of anger or sadness, but I have to live with it. One thing that’s really bad is that I don’t know how to talk or lay down my feelings to anyone. I keep it to myself, and I make myself suffer. I don’t have that communication I don’t know how to do that. I have multiple people who are there for me but I just don’t know how. And sometimes I stay confusing myself. I hate crying but I do it very often. There could be someone in a room with me but I’ll still feel alone. There’s times when I just have nothing in mind. Everything is blank. I’ve slowly been coming out of it and trying hard to express my feelings so I could get out of this emotional distress but it’s harder than it looks. Feelings hit you randomly and you reminisce stuff and feelings come back. Attachment is what hurts. Being attached to something or someone is the worse. The worse time in my life when Emotional Distress hit me was when my grandma passed away. Hearing those words and seeing my dad cry, it put me in a spot. Everything went blank, my body shut down. Movements paused. Tears rolled down. Going home to a family that lost a very special someone, was the hardest point of my life , because random emotions came. I was angry at god for taking her away. I was sad because I lost my second mom. I felt selfish for being alive. I felt happy because she’s in a better place. Emotions swerved and I confused myself with everything. I still can’t go to any family get together and talk about her. When I do tears fall. She taught me everything I needed. I didn’t realize I had emotional distress until she left this world. I was doing better this year, until a friend passed away. I couldn’t believe it. He was not only a friend but a mentor. I fell back into my little world. The only change was I hid my feelings completely. I felt mad and sad and selfish all over again. People say it’s because I’m a teenager, but I’ve been through more the what any teenager has done. I’ve lived up to the expectation that nobody stays longer than needed. But some reasons why they leave is because of the communication I never say what I feel. Sometimes I never even show it. I’ve recently got into a relationship and this kid has been slowly helping me come out of it. Maybe it’s because I feel different. Maybe it’s because I want something real and I feel it with him. I tell him what I feel .. sometimes, but I’m not fully there. With him I’m happy but still am sad because I never know if he’ll ever leave. Months can pass years can pass  and I’ll never know when time it to come. But it’s all about keeping and locking feelings in place. But I suck at that. I really do, I always say the wrong things thinking there the right things. I sleep too much, I look forward to going home skipping dinner just to sleep. I feel lonely all the time. I ignore people knowing they’ve done nothing to me. I’m a disappointment, thoughtless, selfish. Things like that flow through my head. There is times I’m not gonna lie where I forgot about what I’m feeling. Pain doesn’t shoot me. I’m numb and in a little happy world. Reading this confuses you huh? Now you know how I’m constantly feeling throughout my days.