In the summer of 2018 I tested in karate for my yellow belt, and I got it. It was a stretch and I was told I was almost given a yellow stripe instead. It didn’t mean much to me then, but as I thought about it I realized; I am barely a yellow belt. So when asked recently if I wanted to test up to either green stripe or green belt I was unsure. After a lot of thought I declined. Call me crazy if you want to, but it’s my choice.

One reason I do not want to test yet is that I don’t feel ready. I know all my life I have been (and I am still), a huge girl power person. I gotta be better than all the guys, I’m equal to them. But that has nothing to do with this. In Fact I’m proud that I was able to put my stubbornness away to do this right. I don’t feel like I am ready, because I can push myself as hard as I want, and I can make myself do it. But I want to be a yellow belt longer, and soak it all in. Just for a bit, slow and steady wins the race.

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”  ― Lao Tzu.

I believe in myself to practice, and work to get better, I believe I am content with myself in waiting. I do not need to convince others of what I know I need. I am leaning, and trying so hard, but I’m still not ready. I’m not that smart, or bright, and for that matter not too strong. But let’s not make this sappy; because what I need to do is try harder and finish earning my yellow belt. I guess if it’s a mistake I’ll learn.  

Finally, if I push myself to make this my life, or a bigger part, I won’t like it. I’m not an athlete, but I want to get better on my own time. And I want to enjoy this. I’ll get better, get stronger and get smarter. Then I will rank up and prove any guy (or girl) that doesn’t believe I’m ready, wrong.  I am content in what I have, and I want you people to realize that this is actually very smart and mature of me to do. What I have wrote is not very persuasive, but I hope you can see I at least tried.