Freebie Frenzy | Teen Ink

Freebie Frenzy

March 9, 2009
By M. Christina Harper BRONZE, Camp Hill, Pennsylvania
M. Christina Harper BRONZE, Camp Hill, Pennsylvania
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Only my family and a few select people are aware of my obsessive magnetism for freebies. I am constantly watching for free samples and checking numerous internet sites. The trouble began one evening when Mom and Dad left for a date. Melody, David, and I were at home alone. At first glimpse, I seem shy. People don't suspect that I am extremely mischievous and comical behind my calm, blue eyes, shoulder-length brown hair and short figure. Melody, five feet tall with short brown hair, has a frequent mischievous look on her face and makes many jokes. Ten-year-old David is a clever little fellow who likes to make random noises. When the three of us join together, tomfoolery often arises. Tonight's naughty, impromptu activity involved hoarding snack samples.

At first, I was the only one browsing on the internet until I found a Betty Crocker mini-delights sample. I was so excited about my discovery that I called 'Mel, David, come check this out!'

They were equally floored about the opportunity to get the cake snack for free, and David said 'Whoa! How did you find that?'

'I just typed 'free food samples' into Google. A site popped up that redirected me to the Betty Crocker promotions page,' I replied, my freebie drive kicking in.

'Do you think it would send us more than one?' Melody asked getting a mischievous glint in her eye.

'I don't know. But let's try!' I responded.

Before considering any potential consequences to us or the people distributing the samples, we gleefully began attempting to send ourselves forty Betty Crocker mini-delights. We worked together to create comical names, and that was half the fun!
'Do you remember Mike YaGoobian from that movie Meet the Robinsons?' Melody asked.
'Oh yeah!' I replied, 'That's a great idea. Let's use it!'
After using the name Mike YaGoobian, we typed in other random names like Farty Marty and Fatty Patty. For the three of us ruffians, the funniest part was that the mailman would have to drag bags of samples for fictitious people up to our house. We just couldn't contain our laughter.
After our great success Mel chimed in, 'Do you think we can find any more?'
'Of course!' I replied, still laughing, 'There are whole websites dedicated to freebie finders like us.'
We signed up for over 30 Hamburger Helpers and granola bars. Our dog, Evie, loves cat food, so we sent some samples to 'Fart Face Kitty.' Just because we had extra time and were feeling silly, we signed up for Serenity men's diapers.
Then, we created a song substituting lyrics that fit our situation. The song was from a commercial for The unpolished funny words are
'They say a guy should always dress for the job he wants.
So how come I'm dressed like a pirate in this restaurant.
It's all because Marisa stole my free samples.
Now I'm stuck here every evening serving chowder and iced tea.
Free sample report dot com.
Should have seen Marisa coming at you like an atom bomb.
They monitor your samples.
Send you email alerts.
So you don't end up sending samples to Marisa in free T-shirts.'
That song only made us laugh more! Making the song our motto, we continued to scout out free samples. The three of us minions kept singing it all evening.
Our comedy lasted all night until our parents returned. Between bursts of laughter, we informed them of all the evenings' activities. We laughed uproariously as we saw our parents' faces turn red and try to contain their chuckles.
After collecting himself, Dad said, 'Marisa, you're a business-minded person. Have you thought about the people who had to buy the samples? How would you feel if you invested your money into marketing samples and some kids took advantage and got them all? Then you wouldn't be able to market the people who were really interested.'
Then Mom added, 'Although it is funny, you really shouldn't be so greedy.'
'I guess you're right. I wouldn't like it.' My mood sobered down to an occasional guffaw.
'You could even get in trouble for fraud. Thankfully, the computer might detect things are going to the same address. That's probably what will happen. What are you going to do if you do get hundreds of samples? If you return them, you will incur some very hefty shipping costs. On the other hand, it would be dishonest to keep them,' Dad continued.
'I don't know. I never thought about that. Don't you think it's funny though?' I asked trying to justify my actions.
'A little bit. But it's not if you consider how your actions might affect someone else,' he replied.
'Well, fine. Maybe you'll like the song that we created.'
Melody, David, and I sang our song, and they agreed it was funny, especially because it was so true.
Mom said, 'There's nothing wrong with being thrifty and getting free samples. Just don't take it too far and get more than one of the same thing.'
We never received the many samples that we requested, but we did learn not to be so greedy and that our actions have consequences that can affect people in negative ways. My two siblings and I still love to find freebies and laugh a lot about this episode. We still even sing our song titled 'Free Sample Report Dot Com'!

The author's comments:
I wrote this memoir for my English class. It happened to me and my two siblings one evening when our parents were on a date.

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