I used to go to a quarry up north to feel the thrill of jumping into it. This is the story of my first jump.
The sun is always bright when I am there and the red granite rocks are conveniently easy to climb. Whole hearted laughter fills the hot summer air. The only disruptions in the water come from splashing swimmers enjoying their time in the water.

I make my way to the top of a smallish rock to start myself off feeling confident. As I fall I see spray paint on the quarry wall stating a name and a year.

I feel the air rushing past me as I fall and I feel cold. I can feel my heart pattering away in my chest. An image of the water disappearing from beneath me comes to mind. There is nothing left to catch my fall, I plummet the whole 212 feet to the bottom. Tumbling down the steep walls until I can't fall any further.
My feet hit the water but I continue to sink deeper into the blackness with the weight of water closing in around me, getting colder as it darkens. I could let myself sink like the day dream. My eyes open, seeing nothing and I am again in a place of fear. I don’t know what way is up and what way is down. There is no way to know which way to swim.

I think about the name on the wall. It signifies a drowning here in this same water i'm struggling with. How would they find a body in this dark place? 

I came to the surface with a new realisation that day. A new outlook. The laughter becomes irritating and after the underwater silence it is the first thing I hear, loud obnoxious laughter from teens who had been drinking. How can they act this way in a place like this? It is so dark here, not at all a place for laughter. Of course they don’t see it that way. I slip as I walk out of the water on dirty algae growing on shallow rocks, all it takes is an inch of this water to ruin something. From the safety of land the water looks black and never ending as it continues on until it eats up all of the dazzling sunlight. Above and below the water there are two totally separate worlds.

I turn and watch some friends jump into the water, completely oblivious to how terrifying this water actually is. I know that they see the name, there is more than one written on the quarry walls. Maybe they are just numb to the sadness and fear that have taken place in this water.

Looking back at this I shouldn’t have been so judgmental of their numbness, that was my first jump but it wasn’t my last. I see now that I am numb too.