I look away as the heat rushes to my face. “Don’t do it” I thought to myself. So many things rushing through my mind, my head was spinning, and that was all I could think. “Don’t do anything stupid!” I reminded myself harshly. I wasn't sure why, but my stomach felt like my insides were dancing, and the world around me was blurred. Except for him.
*
“Hi…” I say weakly, hoping he can’t hear my heart racing in my chest, throbbing, almost exploding it seemed. “He’s so tall!” I exclaimed girlishly in my mind. “I love tall guys…He has the most incredible smile too.” It took me a moment to realize what else was going on in the room around me. I was at my friends house, there was four of us, and apparently we were going for a walk.
At first we walked as a group, Stacy, Danae, Nick and myself, but soon our paces slowed, and we walked a distance behind the others. We being Nick and I. “He’s so smart!” So many thoughts rushing through my head. “Why is he being so nice to me?” “Did I really just say that??”
We all walked to the park, but we hung out in different sections. He and I talked, about everything, and about absolutely nothing. His name danced around in my head. “Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick,” over and over. “I don’t even know you, but I know I like you.” I would never tell.
**
“They’re going to think we’re doing something.” He said, not realizing how seductive his voice was. “I know,” I reply, and sigh. Wishing maybe we were. “Why do people always assume a girl and a guy can’t just be friends?” I reply, as if annoyed by the fact, but really, I don’t want to just be your friend. “He’s so great. Don’t do anything to mess it up, PLEASE.” I think to myself, basically on a loop.
Was I flirting with him? I wasn't trying to, but now I wish I knew how to. How to do anything, anything at all, to make him like me. I’m so nervous, worried that the smallest thing could make him hate me. I walk over to the swings, consumed by my thoughts. Its funny now though, because I could swear you followed me.
So I sat on the swing in my misery, but then you came over. You’re so nice. You came over, and we talked more, we walked back over to the others and headed home. I looked at you, just glanced really, and I realized something, something that gave me chills. I realized one simple little thing— I wanted to kiss you
***
“Damn it all!” Nick was so great, and I swear, I was a buffoon and a freak. Little by little it slips out, and soon he’ll see the real me.
****
Danae left early, Stacy Nick and I shared a room. I really like him. The three of us stayed up late, talking and playing Uno. I kept imagining kissing him.
*****
(Years later)
We had a beautiful relationship, and he is still a dear friend, all of us are still close, Stacy, Nick and I. And it all started with one stupid, awkward, “Hello.”