I was 12 years old when Sandy Hook happened. I wasn’t alive during Columbine, but I remember one of my teachers saying, no one thought that another shooting could happen again. An innocence left that day. A school that has been well protected before now had to go on further lockdown measures. We treated visitors like possible enemies, and classroom doors were locked. We practiced lockdown drills frequently. There was one day where the voice came on the speaker, saying “this is a lockdown.” the word drill noticeably absent. We sat there, a group of 12-13-year-olds all huddled together. I was shaking, gripping my friend’s hand thinking, “there can’t be another one. It’s not my time. I’m not ready to die.” It turned out to be some construction backfiring noises. As soon as we got the all clear, relief flooded through our veins, but some unease still remained. It was the fear that we as children had to go through that. And the fear that someone would come into our place of learning to hurt us or worse, kill us. Both of those, unbearable.

I don’t want to feel that fear again. I don’t want that to be the place I came from, but it is. That’s the place I grew up in. I wish I could say that was the last time. It wasn’t. There were bomb threats, shooting scares, and Confederate flags flown. I didn’t want to keep hearing about more shootings on the news. It has become something normalized by our society. Yes, a shooting where people were killed goes right alongside baseball games and hotdogs. An American tradition. I came from a place of hatred and bias, but in all of that, I combatted that through love. It was the only way I could win. The reason I felt I needed to be kind was due to so many being unkind to me. My school had been dominated by a conservative viewpoint, so finding a perspective that would match mine took some digging and self-exploration. I come from a home that was built on love and compassion. I was raised to keep an open heart to others and take them as they were, not as society perceived them. Because of the way I was raised, I can see for myself and determine my own views, not obtain an ignorance bestowed upon many who are filled with their parents privileged, discriminatory ideals.

This has brought me into the fight. I would honestly have to say it did all start after Sandy Hook for me. That is where I came from, that shooting threat at my school, right after one of the worst shootings in U.S history. I didn't have the resources at the time to get started, and so I went on with my life, for the time being. But just four years later, there would be a turning point: the 2016 Presidential Election. The election upset many, myself included. It woke me up, even more, it brought back the thoughts of Sandy Hook and our school’s shooting threat. And no I’m not going to lie and say that was the first cause I got involved in, because it wasn't seen as a pressing issue. It was women's rights, but there are a lot of crossroads between the two.

I think it was Parkland, it really did change everything. Nationally and locally. Those students gave students like me a platform. Not to say my voice wasn’t heard before, but it certainly wasn't respected on the same level. The perspective on youth was transformed, and the culture around school shootings (it's disgusting I even have to say that) has been changing. Out of this has sprung a movement, and I had been a part of it in Wisconsin. All of this has been where I came from as an activist, and the transition it would lead to in college of being a transition into a larger activist community.

Moving to Chicago has been only a step in the greater journey of where I’m going. In order to reach whatever destination, I have to keep moving. Since arriving here, I have stepped right in. All the activism that’s been happening, I think could lead me down some very interesting paths. Where I will end up going I’m not entirely sure. So many of the things happening now, I never expected even in the time frame of the last few months; I never thought I would be leading an organization, making impactful connections, and protesting in the streets of Chicago.

I know I have to go down this path for activism and change. So many people have tried to stop me from it. Their fear tactics are the way they are trying to scare me off, but to be frank, I’m stubborn as hell and too passionate about this to quit. I’ve been told “it’s too dangerous” “its not a career” “not something to be associated with”.  I, however, feel too associated to quit. It’s become something people not only see me as, but what I see myself as, and nothing makes me feel more alive. I feel that I need to do this or I’m letting people down.

I worry if I don't go down this path, I’m not remaining authentic, but then I wonder if this is the image others have framed me in, or is it my own? Others shower me with words of pride, my parents especially. They thank me for my work, and I am grateful for the praise but also slightly cynical. There are so many that show up only for the social media clout and don’t actually want to contribute the work that I dedicate my time to. I’m not here for the recognition, I’m here to create change and help others in my community. I want to go down a path that leads to a better nation for future generations. I want to go to a future that is better for minorities, the LGBTQ community, women, and groups that face discrimination. That is the path I’m trying to forge, as I seek out change.

I’m coming from a country that is polarized, dangerous, sexist, violent, and in turmoil. That was not the America I grew up in. It has a tendency to switch (based on presidents) but it has turned into a place that I didn’t think my country would go back to. I’ve been scared since 2016, but frankly, it keeps getting worse. I’m more and more scared. But I still have hope. I think we can go somewhere better. That’s where I would like to see myself go. To a better future for the youth. My generation has been nicknamed generation change and I'm hoping that I can help create that.