Dear Koda,

It’s been really tough since you’ve been gone.

I’m in High school now, and theres not a day I don’t think about you. What you could have been, all the things we would have done together, what you would have thought of Mike. Your life was so short; you barely got to take a look around before you were blinded. It haunts me every day that I didn’t get to be there with you during the struggle of your passing. Sometimes I talk to you, telling you about my day, and it helps me cope; even if you don’t hear me or aren’t listening.

I’m not sure whether school or home is the hardest to bear. Either way, I’m all alone in a world of hurt, with a wall of depression so thick, not even love can pierce through it. At school I go from class to class wishing you could be with me, wishing you weren’t gone. At home though, I’m tortured by every footstep, knowing that you might have stepped there once, and will never step there again. At night, I remember how we would lay together in the dark and whisper secrets as we were falling asleep looking at the stars.

The memory that hurts the most, I think, is the memory of my mom crying as she told me you were gone. I think back to that day a lot, and remember how ever since that moment my world has been shrouded in a veil of hollow pain. I move like a zombie, doing what I’m told and nothing more. I’ve tried to document my suffering through writing a few times, but it always falls short of describing the agony. My world is empty without you, Koda.

I’ve tried to comfort myself, to replace you even, with Mike, but it’s not the same. He could never be there for me the way you were there, always. Remember when we went camping together? You were the only one who didn’t want to go swimming, so you sat on the banks of the river, watching patiently while we splashed and laughed. Then, when it was time to go to sleep, you slept next to me in my bed because you were cold, and I fell asleep holding you, your heart beating next to mine.

Now my heart beats alone.

The first night you were gone was the hardest. It felt like a piece of my body had been torn off, and I couldn’t get comfortable. I just kept thinking about how you would never sleep next to me again, and I would never get to run to you and wrap my arms around your neck. You would never comfort me again, and I would cry much more often. We would never be together like we were before. I remember wanting nothing more than to die, if only to be with you. That biting pain is fresh in my memory as it haunts me every time I close my eyes

There can be no end to my suffering, but I promise, Koda, I’ll keep trying. I will never stop searching for the light of comfort, even if it can’t be from you. Even if my heart breaks with every footfall, I will pick myself up and keep walking. I know you would want me to keep going, even if you couldn’t be with me as you were before. Even if you will never get to see me smile again, I will keep walking toward brighter days where I can accept your fate and untangle it with mine.

Dakota Ann Adams, you were more than a dog to me. You were my best friend, and will be for eternity.


Your loving owner and sister,







Em