Tear stained cheeks, eyes flooded like a hurricane. I stare at the unfamiliar, unrecognizable figure in the reflection, and wonder how everything got so bad so quickly. Startled after a sudden vibration in my pocket, I clutched my phone as I read his name on the screen. I did what I had the past three days yet again, smashed the “Ignore” button. I laid on my bed and gazed at the ceiling, just as he and I had romantically admired the stars merely a year ago. I thought to myself how depression and heartbreak go hand in hand. Anyone who has truly experienced heartbreak knows how it feels to have their heart metaphorically ripped out, cut in a million pieces, and set on fire. They know how that is the most painful feeling possible. He taught me that lesson; the lesson I’ll never forget nor disregard. For the longest time he was all that mattered. I changed myself to match what he desired, despite the pain he caused. I “loved” him, and cared of nothing else.

I guess I could be considered one of those girls that always picked the wrong guy. I believed my failed were my fault because that was all I was ever told. After being cheated on by every boy I ever cared about, I never believed I’d be in a relationship again. Surprisingly, my whole world changed the night I met him. He was the exception.

Matt and I met through a mutual friend on March 13th, 2009, and from then on we were inseparable. He was the cheese to my macaroni, the pepperoni to my pizza, and we spent every minute in each other’s company. Like any teenage relationship, we had our fights. Some ended as quickly as they began while others became never ending battles in an extensive, senseless war. However, our “love” was unstoppable and unbreakable, so I thought. To those on the outside, we appeared perfect, but after nearly seven months, everything began to change. The sex topic began to come up regularly, and my answer was always the same; I’m just not ready. Our fights started becoming more frequent and over the most irrelevant topics. We would bicker over sports and homework, occasionally over the unoriginal “I saw you looking at so and so” act. Despite our difficulties though, we still had our moments. As we would lie in each other’s arms, I would put on an act as though everything was the same. In reality, I was trying to comprehend why everything had changed and began reminiscing about how our “love” used to be.

Our last days together were undeniably the most difficult of our entire year and three month relationship. June 3rd, 2010 was the last day Matt and I spent together. As we lay together on his bed watching Avatar, there seemed to be an unusual amount of tension between us. He suddenly shut off the movie, rose up, and said two words that have numerously shattered my heart.
“I cheated.” With that, I walked out without a word said. We were over; it was done.

Phone calls, text messages, even surprise visits… he did it all. I managed to ignore his effort for two days before the situation began to really get to me. I cried for nearly 24 hours straight, without eating or sleeping; only thinking of his betrayal.

Tear stained cheeks, with eyes flooded like a hurricane. I stared at the still unfamiliar, unrecognizable figure in my reflection, and wonder ho everything got so bad so quickly. Startled after yet another sudden vibration, I clutched my phone as I read his name on the screen. This time, I had to answer. We talked about the past, about every aspect of our relationship; the good, the bad, and the ugly. He admitted to everything; cheating seven times, the lies… everything. I simply couldn’t bring myself to forgive him, no matter how much I wanted to. I couldn’t picture myself without him, for he has been a major aspect of my life for a little over a year. Regardless of our troubles, we cared about each other, but maybe that just wasn’t enough anymore.

I hung up the phone knowing that was the last time I would speak to Matt. He broke my heart which, in turn, only justified my reasoning for truly believing “love” isn’t real. Some say “love” is magic while some cry it’s the strongest emotion. “Love” is purely a feeling when a recognizable emotion seems a little off or more intense. “Love” is nothing special, just a name for a situation that always leads to heartbreak. It is hard to be happy once you’ve been hurt so badly so many times. Next thing you know your trying again and you just don’t seem to be good enough for anyone. Recently, I thought I found the exception and I was proved right; “Love” is not real.