“Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?” Growing up with two older brothers can be a struggle, but there is one thing I noticed with both of them as they got ready to go off to college. It seemed that when I was really young, they didn’t want anything to do with their younger sister. But as they grew up, and started thinking of college and life beyond that, they started spending as much time with me and my parents as possible. This brought me to realize that as you get older, you start to appreciate what you have in life.
When both of my brothers were juniors in high school, I may have as well been an only child. They were never home. Always out with friends. But as they reached their senior years, something changed. They were home. All the time. Even if it involved my basement filled with their friends and loud music, they were home. And it was nice. A part of me knew that they were doing this because they actually cared. Though I won’t lie that them being around more often made it much harder for me when it was time for them to leave to college. The days of the big move were difficult. Jacob down in Iowa then Zach to the Twin Cities three years later. But there was a connection between the three of us that helped me through it, knowing we would always be there for each other, no matter how far apart we actually were.
I mainly noticed these changes with my brother Zach. As kids, we did not get along. Ever. Ask me any time what I thought of him, I would have used words like “hate” and “jerk,” sometimes even “I can’t wait for him to leave to college.” Then the same thing happened to him that happened to Jacob. He started staying home more, actually asking me to do things like going to a movie or getting food, and even letting me wear his jersey to his senior year homecoming game instead of letting his girlfriend. Little things like that started to really impact me and make me realize that he was my caring older brother instead of a nuisance I was forced to grow up with. I started spending as much time with him as I could after I realized he would be leaving soon. When the day came, my mom and I moved him in, said our tear-filled goodbyes, and left him to start the next part of his life at college. 
We didn’t hear much from Zach during his freshman year, which was expected. There is a lot to figure out and a groove you need to get in your first year of school (or so I’ve heard from my brothers). We drove up to see him play football on Saturdays and buy him things he needed. The next couple of years went by pretty fast, but then I became convinced something was wrong. He started texting me for strictly for conversations, not because he needed something. He started asking for us to come up just to hang out, even go to the zoo one time. I started asking my parents if Zach was dying and saying they should really tell me if he was. But the explanations I always got were “he’s growing up,” and “he’s finally starting to appreciate you more now.” That’s when I had the same revelation, for the second time, about Zach: He’s here and he cares. I somehow became blinded to that, which also brought me to realize that the same thing happened and is still happening to me. I’m growing up, and it was time for me to realize that.
With school making us think about what we want to do after we graduate, I’ve started thinking. Thinking about what I have, and what’s going to come to me in the future. Just this year, I’ve been going over Jacob’s house just to visit, and I’ve even gone to the cities by myself to see Zach. And life has been good with them. They have become my heroes, and I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for the privilege of having these two in my life. I have been growing up, just like them, and I’m finally realizing the important aspects in my life. I’m leaving soon, and I need to find priorities. And right now, that’s my family.