My name is Yashi. My birthday is the 1 April 1997 .I have 3 siblings-two sisters and one brother . I have a gorgeous mom and loving dad. I attend high school. I have black hair and brown eyes and I am working on my current weight. I love to get lost in the words of books and I love to watch and play soccer but other than that I don’t know anything else about myself …

I try to think about who I am as a person . I really do but it’s just this blank black space in my head .It’s scary and confusing . You see my whole life was planned . I never questioned anything in any way but instead just did . I did my homework ,studied hard, went to parties I was invited to ,listened to my parents and everything else everyone told me to do but now I just don’t seem to have any direction or control and I am petrified.

I thought I was in control. I mean from the age of 10 years I had mapped out my entire life ahead of me .I would study throughout my teenage years –always coming in the top 3 at school-and ignore any possibility of having a complete social life which included having a boyfriend .I would study medicine overseas, seeking my one and only true love. Finally after years of romantic dates he will bend his one knee towards the ground and propose and I will then marry him and live ,like they would say in the Disney movie, happily ever after. But to my utter amazement and shock at the age of 16 that map suddenly became stained with coffee, perfume, late nights and everything else that a teenager struggles to comply with –especially me. The roads became a faint blur to the final destination while outlining new routes that scared me .I didn’t like change nor did my parents .I liked things planned out and structured just like my parents. I was taught to like having control especially of my future but by the way my life suddenly veered out of control I lost it like a car knocked off a road .I lost that control in frantic panic.

I don’t know who I am and I don’t have any idea how to find myself . I don’t have any friends . I mean I have ‘friends’ but nobody to really talk to and tell my deepest darkest secrets to just people that I say the occasional ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ to but that’s it.I've noticed that people have friends to turn to in situations like me but i find myself alone and hurting.I've slowly began to crack through that thick glass bubble of oblivion around me .I began to notice that not everything my parents say are necessarily the truth.

I need to break out but I just don’t know how to without knowing who I am …