The instant an important member of your life is taken away; it feels like your world has been shattered. It seems like there is no way you will ever recover, but will you? Sometimes we have to realize when it is time to move on. ‘Moving on’ is when we acknowledge and accept what has happened, and we allow our lives to return back to a sense of normalcy like before the initial issue occurred. Obviously, this will take time and people ‘move on’ at different rates, but no matter how long it takes, it is something that is necessary, to continue to positively move forward in your life and accomplish your goals.
There is no worse feeling than being walked away from. It could be anyone; your friends, your boyfriend, even your parents. Nobody ever thinks it will happen to them. When it does, it hits them like a brick wall. They are left confused, shocked, and feel isolated. People are confused about the cause or reason for the abandonment, shocked when it is sudden and isolation is felt because that person is missing. The question we ask ourselves is, what can we do?
Think about it; you could do plenty of things…wallow in self-pity, eat a carton of ice cream and watch Lifetime every night, or refuse to leave the house. These responses are clearly not healthy and although they may temporarily relieve one’s suffering and anguish, it will not accomplish anything, nor will it psychologically improve one’s perspective. However, you could instead choose to acknowledge the loss and figure out how to cope without this formerly significant person in your life. This response will allow for relief for the mind as well as the body.

When something particularly bad happens, we tend to dwell on it and forget that there are also good things happening. When one door closes, another door is supposed to open. Will you even see that the door opens, if you are stuck in the past? If it is open, will you be brave enough to walk through the door?
Many times people get stuck in a physical and psychological limbo. Limbo is a place where one cannot go forward or back-one is trapped. This feeling of entrapment is triggered by not allowing oneself to accept what has happened. We want to go back to the past, to the place where that person had still resided in our lives, but that is impossible. We want to go forward, but that is also seemingly impossible, because we are not able to accept the loss. Due to this hesitation, we find ourselves going nowhere. Many stay in this place for years, choosing not to help themselves, or receive help from others. These are the people who are unwilling to admit that something has disrupted their life and they are in denial that they will ever be able to go back to that feeling of happiness that their lives possessed before. However, it is possible to continue your life in spite of the trauma of losing someone.
A good way to do this is to spend time with people who support, value, and energize you. People who are perpetually happy have no choice but to affect those who are around them. You need to surround yourself with people with whom you can vent without being judged and people who are willing to take the time to help you along the road to recovery, someone who can just be a listening ear while you talk about what has happened. People who remember how you acted before this event occurred and still stay with you in times of despair and encourage you to be happy again. Your personality is reflected by the five people who you spend the most time with, so as you consider who to reach out to, choose wisely. Surround yourself with people who are positive and who truly listen to you. It is important that you feel free to be honest about what you are going through, without worrying about being judged, criticized, or told what to do.

Another important thing when it comes to moving on is to not be afraid to get professional help. Therapy is a good way to get advice and let out your feelings. The best part is that you can say whatever you want: it is all under patient-counselor confidentiality. Feel free to go in there and cry your eyes out, call people names, and get angry. Oftentimes people internalize the emotions that they are harboring towards the individual that caused them such pain. In doing so, it continues to grow and fester. This is not healthy; it is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Facing these issues with the help of a certified professional helps take those feelings and mold them into positive lessons for improving your life.


Finally, focus on what is positive in your life. As scripture says in Philippians 4:8, we should “...Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable”. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Doing this will allow yourself to go through the door that has now been opened, because you are now not focusing on the evil that has happened, but on the promise of a better future. Now that you have dealt with the past, you can focus on the present and make a brighter future. There will never be a point in your life when you will be unable to find something positive. Even this is the simple fact that you are still alive.