What it is like to live with Aspergers Syndrome | Teen Ink

What it is like to live with Aspergers Syndrome

January 3, 2010
By Anonymous

I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 9 years old, but have probably have had it since I was born 17 years ago. At that time, I didn’t even know what Aspergers was, but I have learned what it is. Aspergers is a developmental disorder within the autism spectrum. Living with Aspergers, I’ll say, is not very much fun. Actually, it is really annoying to have such a disability. Having Aspergers can cause me to get angry or confused very easily. I can get so angry when my parents tell me to do something, especially if I am in the middle of doing something else. When I was a lot younger, and still today, I have a hard time understanding what the teacher is explaining. Most of the time my grandmother tries to explain the homework to make it more easier for me to do. Sometimes, when I am doing one thing, I am thinking of another thing like I can’t even spell today.

Another thing I do is that, whenever I am standing around waiting in line at a grocery store or somewhere like that, I have a tendency to sway back and forth, or rock side to side. I think I do that because I am really bored, and I don’t’ want to be standing there doing nothing. I don’t even know I’m doing it until someone tells me. I know it probably looks weird but, it soothes me. Of course, people stare at me whenever I do it, and I feel like saying to them, “I have Aspergers, I can‘t help it.” Sometimes when I get nervous I start talking and talking and can’t quiet down.

Another bad thing with Aspergers is that, I have a very hard time conversing with others; teens, my therapists, and sometimes even my family. My friend Maria is 1½ years older than I am, and I have a hard time communicating with her. I’ll say, “Hey, what’s up?” She’ll say, “Okay”, and that’s the end of my conversation. Even if I practice ahead of time someone has to help me out by saying things like, “Don’t you want to ask Maria how school is?”, or ask her “What’s she been doing since the last time you saw her?” Then I will start up and then it of course, it stops again.

I really want to have a boyfriend badly, but unfortunately I don’t have one, and sometimes I do silly stuff for boys to notice me and that doesn‘t work. For instance, there is a boy whom I have a huge crush on and I am always so excited to see him. However, when he shows up, instead of talking to him I go and break up twigs in the front yard!
There is a prom each year for teens that are home schooled. I didn’t get to go last year because I didn’t have anyone to go with. Classmates at school kept saying, “You should go, you’ll have a good time”. However, no one asked me to join their group.

Even boys who are like me don’t ask me out! For example, I went to a classmate’s Bat Mitzvah, and I gave a ride to a boy whom I think has autism because he acts just like me; I was so excited, but I couldn’t say one thing to him! My grandmother helped me make a list of things to talk about, but I just couldn’t do it. As soon as he got out of the car, he couldn’t get to the popular kids fast enough. Of course, they ignored him. Go figure!

Sometimes I just wish that I was a normal teen living a normal life. I hate having disabilities; it makes me feel like a very ill teen that can’t get better no matter how hard I try, even though people say I have come a long way. It has taken me 8 years of lessons to learn how to swim. Now, once I get into the water you can’t get me out. I have learned to love swimming. It is now one of my favorite hobbies. It has also taken me 10 years to learn how to ride a bike. I love biking now as well. I still don’t know how to ice skate or roller skate yet, but I am still learning. Having Aspergers also makes me feel like I am a very illogical person that doesn’t know much about anything, and always acts weird. I wonder will I ever get better or will I always be a weird kid with disabilities.

The author's comments:
This story that I wrote is who I am. This is a true story, I do have Aspergers Syndrome.

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This article has 71 comments.

JacksDad said...
on Nov. 30 2010 at 1:06 pm
It is NOT a "disease"!

JacksDad said...
on Nov. 30 2010 at 1:05 pm
It is NOT a "disease"

on Oct. 19 2010 at 10:55 pm
Sunshine.On.My.Shoulders BRONZE, -, Alaska
3 articles 1 photo 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." -Will Rogers

This really touched me. Seriously, I want to cry... I do not know you, but I am praying for you and your amazing talent with words. :)

on Aug. 3 2010 at 12:51 pm
Megan21192 SILVER, Milford, Ohio
8 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
Practice make perfect!

I love to write, it helps me express my feelings. I always say to myself, "Its better to write it down than saying it out loud".

Megan21192 said...
on Jan. 20 2010 at 1:30 pm
When I found out I had aspergers i wondered, "does any one else have aspergers?" now i know.

ijedmonds101 said...
on Jan. 19 2010 at 5:53 am
I have Asperger's myself, but the major opponent being a male. Seventeen years ago, I was born with this condition but it seems to have only gotten worse. Your social debilitation is not necessarily as severe. I've lacked the ability my entire life. I've experienced firsthand isolation from my peers, and have even been talked about by teachers. And as far as this being an alleged "pathetic excuse" for bad behavior it most certainly is not. Knowing that you obviously understand that, you've probably come across that reasoning for your behavior and I just mentioned it even though it's not in your post because it's the empirical problem faced in personal and professional relationships. I would assume most people have expectations for male and female in society, and when you don't meet those expectations you either conform or live as an outcast. Asperger's is too often and isolated and ostracized experience.

on Jan. 10 2010 at 10:53 am
Megan21192 SILVER, Milford, Ohio
8 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
Practice make perfect!

Wow! you see i don't have any siblings! it must be difficult for you to communicate with him.

on Jan. 10 2010 at 10:52 am
Megan21192 SILVER, Milford, Ohio
8 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
Practice make perfect!

I know people should be more accepting and less judgemental to people with aspergers.

on Jan. 9 2010 at 5:44 pm
biggerinfinities SILVER, Superior, Colorado
7 articles 0 photos 353 comments

Favorite Quote:
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

this is who you are, people should be more accepting and less judgemental~just keep learning!

briannaorbri said...
on Jan. 8 2010 at 3:04 am
briannaorbri, Redding, California
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. -William Shakespeare

My brother is also on the autism spectrum, and thank you for sharing with me what it is like for you. I have a hard time relating to him and this has given me wonderful insight. You are so brave.

on Jan. 7 2010 at 1:24 pm
PinkCleats GOLD, Newark, Ohio
11 articles 0 photos 15 comments
Good article! I believe that with lots of practice and patience, you can get better at anything, including holding conversations. Your writing was great. Maybe that could be your voice.

on Jan. 7 2010 at 1:13 pm
Oh_My_Buda SILVER, Parksburg, Pennsylvania
5 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing certain is uncertainty.

Now one should judge you for your disease and its amazing that you put it out there an are proud of it.

J1208 said...
on Jan. 6 2010 at 7:20 pm
This was very interesting. I never knew what Aspergers disease was.