Confessions | Teen Ink

Confessions MAG

October 4, 2008
By Amy Brown, San Antonio, TX

I am sitting here writing to you, thinking if I sit here long enough, I won’t want you. So far it’s not working. I can still smell you in the air, and hear how you echoed when you hit the ice. The splash that came with the drops, bluck, bluck.

Some days I miss you, and others I am glad I am learning how to forget you. But right now I am in ­between. Not knowing if I want to go left or right, up or down. If you are worth losing everything for or worth gaining everything to give up. You were my dirty habit, the habit that doesn’t lie far away if life gives me lemons.

How soon we forget what we did when life was good, or bad.

Other days, I just wish you were dead. Or that I had never been ­introduced to you.

What would I be like if you weren’t in my life? Where would all my pain go, and who would bleed for me without you? I have to fight this battle every day and make a choice every second to have you.

Some days it feels like I am losing. Every time I go looking for you, you’re nowhere to be found. When I am not looking for you, you’re right there smiling at me. Begging me: please, one more round.

But I know deep inside if I do, I know my fate. The fate that I ask for, but only when you’re inside of me.

Here, round and around again, doing this damn jig every day, this feeling is endless.

And I am growing tired and weak. But I know right now, this second, I am sober and I won’t pick you. Tomorrow is another battle.



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This article has 9 comments.


on Jan. 20 2011 at 5:25 pm
AelitaReloaded PLATINUM, Scottsdale, Arizona
22 articles 0 photos 179 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The pen is mightier than the sword" author unknown (to me)

The firs couple of paraghaphs I thought it was about a person, it took me a while to get that it was talking about alchohol.  Very well-written.

on Jul. 28 2010 at 2:52 pm
bbygurl21 PLATINUM, Boston, Massachusetts
29 articles 0 photos 111 comments

Favorite Quote:
sticks n stones my brick my bones but words cant

this is real wreat i love it so much.

Sarbear GOLD said...
on Mar. 18 2010 at 3:10 pm
Sarbear GOLD, Milan, Ohio
10 articles 4 photos 489 comments

Favorite Quote:
--Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
--When life gives you lemons, squirt them in people's eyes.

this is great! i like dif. stories that dont sound like every other one you read. congrats on getting the magazine! check out my poems too

i<3steven! said...
on Feb. 24 2010 at 4:05 pm
you spelled alcohol wrong :)

eMs23 BRONZE said...
on Sep. 23 2009 at 10:30 pm
eMs23 BRONZE, Yuma, Arizona
2 articles 0 photos 36 comments
I feel that way right now!!

the-optimist said...
on Sep. 23 2009 at 7:25 pm
I go through the same thing every single day... its so frustrating! i know how you feel. This was a really good story keep writing you will go far :)

on Sep. 23 2009 at 4:57 pm
wordweaver96 PLATINUM, Winchester, Kentucky
37 articles 2 photos 255 comments

Favorite Quote:
" It is not our abilities but our choices that show who we truly are. "
Albus Dumbledore


See, we really DON'T have anything to fear but fear itself!

this is amazing. i know exactly how you feel sometimes.

on Apr. 22 2009 at 1:59 am
Miss_May1312 BRONZE, Lincoln, Nebraska
3 articles 0 photos 21 comments
This is absolutley amazing!! i know how you feel. keep up the AWESOME writing!!

megan39 BRONZE said...
on Apr. 3 2009 at 3:06 pm
megan39 BRONZE, Bohemia, New York
4 articles 0 photos 19 comments
what are you talking about? are you talking about a guy, or alchohal?


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