College Admissions essay | Teen Ink

College Admissions essay

October 1, 2009
By Anonymous

Last year was my seventeenth birthday. My whole family was coming arriving at my house early that day to celebrate with me. As usual I was late, having gone out earlier that afternoon commemorate another birthday with some friends. As I walked in, everyone was waiting for me in the kitchen. The first great grandchild in this new generation of Americans is almost legal. My ninety year old great grandfather is waiting on the couch to wish me “another one down” as he calls it. Seventy-five years ago he left a small Italian village in the Alps to start a new life in America. He left his parents and three siblings to join his older brother, who had left three years previously. Both brothers had been driven out by the fascist Italian government during the time of war. By his side, his wife, whose parents had emigrated from war town Yugoslavia. Although she had been born in America, she carried a thick European accent when she spoke. Continuing my rounds of “hello’s”, “thankyou’s” and “I love it” to all my relatives, I finally arrived to the other side of my heritage. This side of the room sat my Oma and Opa, one set of grandparents from my mother’s side who had fled Germany when the Nazi’s started persecuting the Jewish followers during the Holocaust. I was later told they left through Switzerland with only the closes on their back, immigrating not to seek a better life but to stay alive. The other set of grandparents have passed way however, they too emigrated from European Countries. One entered from Ireland to escape starvation where the Potato famine wiped out most of their family decades previous. The other from arrived from Poland to escape war torn Europe. After passing through Ellis Island, they started a new life in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

As I grew up I was so fortunate to experience my diverse heritage. From my childhood, where I would spend nearly every Sunday at one of my immigrated great grandparents’ houses, I always was inflected with ethic foods, language, and culture. The traditions and stories retold at out Sunday dinners have shaped my values for my life. It is this culture diversity that I want to share and explore through the University of Pittsburgh College of Business Administration’s Global management and International Relations.

The author's comments:
i need help revising it. please leave comments for criticism and any help in rewriting it.

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This article has 10 comments.

scumbag said...
on Nov. 6 2011 at 9:48 pm

*Started reading*

"My whole family was coming arriving at my"

*Stopped reading, laughed, continued reading*

sKetch said...
on Apr. 15 2010 at 2:13 pm
The essay was good. I just think you have to improve the spelling and grammar errors to make it superb.

on Oct. 30 2009 at 5:32 pm
brittanylasota, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
i live in pittsburgh so after looking at what i wanted to due. plus the tuition money i decided on the University of Pittsburgh. my family has some money already in my tuition there so really it was an easy choice for me. but i understnad just take consider of debts and most undergraduate degrees are the same at every college/university.

KittyKat1212 said...
on Oct. 27 2009 at 3:24 pm
This is a really good essay, I like how you used the twist of your family heritage to bring color to your words. I am currently working on a few college admissions essays myself. I am just about done narrowing down my college choices and used AcceptEdge to do this. What did you use to help narrow your options. I like AcceptEdge because they gave me many options and used background information to scale my application based on other people that have applied.

This whole process has been so stressful, and so glad it's almost over!

Laur811 said...
on Oct. 27 2009 at 3:20 pm
I am currently going through the rigorous college application process and have so many questions and considerations to make in the next few weeks!

on Oct. 19 2009 at 3:55 pm
brittanylasota, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
Thanks everyone. I used the comments and changed it up a bit. I submitted my work to the University of Pittsburgh and got accepted! thanks everyone

LM260 said...
on Oct. 19 2009 at 2:51 pm
Great essay! the only advice I have would be to maybe put more about yourself instead of just your family and specifically how the cultural diversity has shaped you as a person. Otherwise, it's tells what you'll bring to the table :)

MIBE said...
on Oct. 17 2009 at 7:34 pm
you have a couple grammatical errors, like closes (should be clothes), back (should be backs). The other from arrived from, not sure what it should be but one the froms needs to go.

emilee said...
on Oct. 16 2009 at 4:40 pm
great essay. I'm working on mine as well. How are you deciding which schools to send it off to? I've been using AcceptEdge, etc. but could use insight from someone in a similar situation!

MsEW89 said...
on Oct. 13 2009 at 12:45 pm
Very interesting, I think that whatever college you apply would like it. It sure kept me reading.